I'm so exhausted, it's five in the morning and i can't really sleep. Just keep thinking bout the next night scares me..T___T..i seriously don't want to go back, but i know it's best for my work and transport to uni and maybe he'll have some space of his own..screw my mind..T___T..
Contacts are killing my eyes, i really need to change brand, FreshKon aren't good. Try FreshLook.. Facial is important. Wanted to go for farcial today, or tomorrow, but there isn't time today and there's no transportation tomorrow..
When he was there, i was dazed. From far i looked, from far i admire, even though it was like how it was last time, but the feeling right now isn't the same. He shuffled and my eyes just couldn't off him. Then he left, i thought he'll leave without saying byes. Soon, after that, he came in, and my heart thumped hard, he ask me to go over, my heart was going to explode. What's wrong with me? It's not like we've never talked to laughed or hugged, but why am i having butterflies in my stomach and i just realized, i've loved more and more everyday..
-i can't live without you-
Sunday, 23 March 2008
Saturday, 22 March 2008
When something;s are not yours, no matter how much effort you put in, it'll never be yours. If it's yours, it'll eventually come to you.
Ok, maybe you might be thinking, maybe you'll do somethings which caught his attention and maybe he'll fall for you. But it only works 1 out of that thousand. You dare to take the risk? I've done what i've done, and i've known what i should know and i've regreted blowing up chances and making myself a big fat fool. I've gotta change for a better person.=/
hmmm...i died my hair A.G.A.I.N today..hmm...wonder how it actually looks. You know, they say your hair will only actually be the best after one or two days after you come out from the saloon. so, gotta wait few days till it actually comes out ok.
My stomach hasn't been feeling really well, tumble and pain and omg..T___T
-i'm with you-
Ok, maybe you might be thinking, maybe you'll do somethings which caught his attention and maybe he'll fall for you. But it only works 1 out of that thousand. You dare to take the risk? I've done what i've done, and i've known what i should know and i've regreted blowing up chances and making myself a big fat fool. I've gotta change for a better person.=/
hmmm...i died my hair A.G.A.I.N today..hmm...wonder how it actually looks. You know, they say your hair will only actually be the best after one or two days after you come out from the saloon. so, gotta wait few days till it actually comes out ok.
My stomach hasn't been feeling really well, tumble and pain and omg..T___T
-i'm with you-
Today i came back to hometown, and i learn to think more about useful stuff such as work and assignments and future and how to get a car and how to chance myself for a better person.
Din notice today was Good Friday..*sorry up there..XDD..went to church, suprisingly my parents would go to a chinese speaking prayer. haha..no offense but i din expect them to do things like that. It's three in the morning and i'm still not asleep, with my contacts still on and i'm online. not suprise, if not it'll be a pain in my head if i had to read or type in the middle of the night. Mosquitoes are feeding on me and it's a lil annoying. wonder why they were even created..hmm..no offense yea, sorry, it's suppose to be Good Friday..XDD
Esther is on Sunday. Any eggs? haha..being so random...
I think i'll be off now, get a shower, be in bed, start chatting with xian and fall asleep. Fixing my hair tomorrow morning and might be going to facial and fix my nails. Then will be going jj with xian. Night might be going to riverbanks. It's all a might, but still i'm not sure..hmm..
-does he know he's all i think about at night-
Din notice today was Good Friday..*sorry up there..XDD..went to church, suprisingly my parents would go to a chinese speaking prayer. haha..no offense but i din expect them to do things like that. It's three in the morning and i'm still not asleep, with my contacts still on and i'm online. not suprise, if not it'll be a pain in my head if i had to read or type in the middle of the night. Mosquitoes are feeding on me and it's a lil annoying. wonder why they were even created..hmm..no offense yea, sorry, it's suppose to be Good Friday..XDD
Esther is on Sunday. Any eggs? haha..being so random...
I think i'll be off now, get a shower, be in bed, start chatting with xian and fall asleep. Fixing my hair tomorrow morning and might be going to facial and fix my nails. Then will be going jj with xian. Night might be going to riverbanks. It's all a might, but still i'm not sure..hmm..
-does he know he's all i think about at night-
Back in ipoh~
xian's back!~!~! and i'm at his place now..haha...at least we're having fun and laughing non-stop..XDD..ok, when i mention fun, i meant as in fun as in just two girls talking and gossiping..*i'm being random*
Sometimes, i reli hate myself. such a disapointment and disgrace. i blew it a few times and i hate myself...T____T..gotta be more alert and chance myself for a better person..hope you are able to give me time to change for a better person. i'm really trying. and i'm sorry if there wer times that i do things i did not even notice..sorry..T___T..i really am. and i do not hope to blow any chances anymore..*sigh....
-i can't even see anyone when he's with me-
xian's back!~!~! and i'm at his place now..haha...at least we're having fun and laughing non-stop..XDD..ok, when i mention fun, i meant as in fun as in just two girls talking and gossiping..*i'm being random*
Sometimes, i reli hate myself. such a disapointment and disgrace. i blew it a few times and i hate myself...T____T..gotta be more alert and chance myself for a better person..hope you are able to give me time to change for a better person. i'm really trying. and i'm sorry if there wer times that i do things i did not even notice..sorry..T___T..i really am. and i do not hope to blow any chances anymore..*sigh....
-i can't even see anyone when he's with me-
Wednesday, 19 March 2008
here i am again in LUCT. waiting for time to pass and online here. Might have to go back to hostel and stay. T____T
Might be changin room then. MIGHT only. if i all sudden wanted a roomate whom i know then i'll maybe change. But for the moment. I'm just so confused..aiks.
Gotta pack pack and pack and then unpack again..*just thinking of all the trouble just makes me dizzy...
haha...zomg when i think of all my assignments..T_T and so blur. and lost and so many friggin researches to do. Bloody hell internet. Where are you when i need you? haha...being so random now.
Right now sitting in plaza and there's a thing going on. People just stopped doing what they were doing and it's lik the froze in time. Damn! too bad i dun have pictures. then i could upload them and just show some pictures..XDD..
i've edited my blog a lil, make the words a lil bigger cz liying complaint it was too small..haha..hope it looks ok though.=]
i like it being colorful at the same time it's not too complicated.XDD
Might be changin room then. MIGHT only. if i all sudden wanted a roomate whom i know then i'll maybe change. But for the moment. I'm just so confused..aiks.
Gotta pack pack and pack and then unpack again..*just thinking of all the trouble just makes me dizzy...
haha...zomg when i think of all my assignments..T_T and so blur. and lost and so many friggin researches to do. Bloody hell internet. Where are you when i need you? haha...being so random now.
Right now sitting in plaza and there's a thing going on. People just stopped doing what they were doing and it's lik the froze in time. Damn! too bad i dun have pictures. then i could upload them and just show some pictures..XDD..
i've edited my blog a lil, make the words a lil bigger cz liying complaint it was too small..haha..hope it looks ok though.=]
i like it being colorful at the same time it's not too complicated.XDD
Monday, 17 March 2008
Some things are just so complicated words can't even describe them. It's not that he doesn't love you, but it's just that he's afraid of commiting. aiks. what can i do?
Deep down inside i'm glad and happy we went. Even though we weren't together, but i'm happy that he's there. I'm happy i went with him.
I feel that i'm a sarcastism lil naive girl who knows nothing bout reality. gosh..where am i going..i'm so lost in this big big BIG world...=___=
Deep down inside i'm glad and happy we went. Even though we weren't together, but i'm happy that he's there. I'm happy i went with him.
I feel that i'm a sarcastism lil naive girl who knows nothing bout reality. gosh..where am i going..i'm so lost in this big big BIG world...=___=
Have you ever wonder what is going to happen to you? I often wonder. Sometimes, someone can be quite emo without knowing it and it’s unstopable. Different people has different opinion, it’s just how you deal with it. Don’t you agree with me?
Think of the negative way, it hurts so much to be able to be with that someone, to do things together, to go out, watch movie, have dinner, having him to drive you. And Nomatter how many times it happens, it’s always so special to you and the feelings gets stronger and stronger. Maybe this is only how you feel towards him, but how does he feel toward you? Maybe he’s just getting use to it and it has become a habit, but not something special to him. And till the end, we’re not officially a couple.
But to think of the positive way, he’s around you, I can see him anytime I want, and I blush everytime I do. Everytime he looks into my eyes, my heart beats faster and faster. Well, it was either you look at him from near, or you look at him from far. He is able to teach you and share everything he knows. That’s a good start. Isn’t it?
Think of the negative way, it hurts so much to be able to be with that someone, to do things together, to go out, watch movie, have dinner, having him to drive you. And Nomatter how many times it happens, it’s always so special to you and the feelings gets stronger and stronger. Maybe this is only how you feel towards him, but how does he feel toward you? Maybe he’s just getting use to it and it has become a habit, but not something special to him. And till the end, we’re not officially a couple.
But to think of the positive way, he’s around you, I can see him anytime I want, and I blush everytime I do. Everytime he looks into my eyes, my heart beats faster and faster. Well, it was either you look at him from near, or you look at him from far. He is able to teach you and share everything he knows. That’s a good start. Isn’t it?
Sunday, 9 March 2008
i feel like shit now. and in additional, i'm having fever and this stupid viral infection. i'm tired and wish i could just shut myself down and restart it refreshly..
Sayang hasn't been talking to me the whole day...T___T..i know i'm being over-sensitive. but i dunno anything anymore when he's not around. is he mad? why wouldn't he reply me? i'm sorry..T__T..
i feel so bad bad deep inside. I usually tell him everything and now it's like..i feel bad not telling him it..
Sayang's birthday is coming up and i reli don't know what to give. i'm so disappointed at myself. Kinda think of it. a crush on him for one year has made a very big difference. Everytime he looks at me, my face blushes up. Everytime he comes near me, i wish i could hug him tight. everytime his face is next to mine, my heat beats as if it were about to jump out.
I sit next to him, my heart beats face, m mind wanders off and i'm glad he's right next to me, i'm stund and crazed by the moment. and never thought this would happen to me.
Even though we see each other everyday, i still sit and think of you. not a single second missed out. When we are apart, i lose faith in us, and i tend to think, is he thinking of me? or did he just forgot bout me..
i'm sick with fever and i feel dizzy. how i wish he could be next to me. I don't care whether he's watching tv or he's asleep. as long as he's next to me. As long as i can see him from far.
I'm not being a stalker.and maybe i am to some, but this happens, when you admire someone.
I lose faith in myself and i don't trust myself, because there are so many others, out there for him to chose. I sit and think, where have i lost? and i realize, i lost from every aspect..
i love you. and hope you do too.
i'll wait, no matter how long it takes.
two and a half months has pass, and i'll still wait. No matter how much it hurts, i'll still be next to you..
i may sound crazy but it's true, all i want to is have you.
Sayang hasn't been talking to me the whole day...T___T..i know i'm being over-sensitive. but i dunno anything anymore when he's not around. is he mad? why wouldn't he reply me? i'm sorry..T__T..
i feel so bad bad deep inside. I usually tell him everything and now it's like..i feel bad not telling him it..
Sayang's birthday is coming up and i reli don't know what to give. i'm so disappointed at myself. Kinda think of it. a crush on him for one year has made a very big difference. Everytime he looks at me, my face blushes up. Everytime he comes near me, i wish i could hug him tight. everytime his face is next to mine, my heat beats as if it were about to jump out.
I sit next to him, my heart beats face, m mind wanders off and i'm glad he's right next to me, i'm stund and crazed by the moment. and never thought this would happen to me.
Even though we see each other everyday, i still sit and think of you. not a single second missed out. When we are apart, i lose faith in us, and i tend to think, is he thinking of me? or did he just forgot bout me..
i'm sick with fever and i feel dizzy. how i wish he could be next to me. I don't care whether he's watching tv or he's asleep. as long as he's next to me. As long as i can see him from far.
I'm not being a stalker.and maybe i am to some, but this happens, when you admire someone.
I lose faith in myself and i don't trust myself, because there are so many others, out there for him to chose. I sit and think, where have i lost? and i realize, i lost from every aspect..
i love you. and hope you do too.
i'll wait, no matter how long it takes.
two and a half months has pass, and i'll still wait. No matter how much it hurts, i'll still be next to you..
i may sound crazy but it's true, all i want to is have you.
this is a crappy post. don't bother to read the crap and sorry..
it sucks to be sick. last night i all sudden have small little lumps coming out from my neck *ugh. and my dad mentioned i'm having some viral infection. then my mom was lil freaking out and asked me to stay back in ipoh. NO WAY...
sad thing is, i have to stay home today, til lunch going out. then i'm going parade to get some stuff. Lil tired though, of everything that is happening. Tired of pretending that i can handle everything..
Sorry sayang that most of the time, you always see me half-dead like that. There's so many bout myself i need to think. I may not be perfect, but i'm trying my best. And then i realize that there's so many things that i have to change, from my attitude to my behaviour.
I feel bad that everytime it happens i make sayang feel annoying and irritated. Sorry, i don't really meant to.
*haihz. friggin emo now. and i'm sick. Feel like dying. No wait! Feel like getting better faster..T_____T..So i can be happy and cheerful and i don't have to think of so many friggin small matters and pretend that i'm ok...*haihz...i'm tired..i reli wish i could be somemore like sayang's bed and just sleep with peace and quiet.. [fat hoping dreams i have]
It's already the ninth and there's two more days to go and my head bursting even more..T_T. i'm gonna die soon. geez..why the hell and i so fucking emo? There's gonna be small presentation on monday [i hate it] and i have to finish my work by then when i'm not even 10% there yet now..guess someone won't be sleeping tonight. Then i heard on tuesday they'll be submission work but i dunno what we're suppose to do also..X_____X
what bout wednesday? i'm totally lost on what's gonna happen on wed..haihz..
Sayang's gonna start class on the 24th again and what's gonna happen? Might be going back to hostel to stay. but i really don't want to leave sayang but what can i do? i don't want sayang to feel i'm a burden. maybe he's half thinking i am d. Mayb he already is cz he keeps asking when i'm going back..SHIT..O_o....haihz..wth? i'm just so confuse and blur and don't know what the hell i'm crapping now..
it sucks to be sick. last night i all sudden have small little lumps coming out from my neck *ugh. and my dad mentioned i'm having some viral infection. then my mom was lil freaking out and asked me to stay back in ipoh. NO WAY...
sad thing is, i have to stay home today, til lunch going out. then i'm going parade to get some stuff. Lil tired though, of everything that is happening. Tired of pretending that i can handle everything..
Sorry sayang that most of the time, you always see me half-dead like that. There's so many bout myself i need to think. I may not be perfect, but i'm trying my best. And then i realize that there's so many things that i have to change, from my attitude to my behaviour.
I feel bad that everytime it happens i make sayang feel annoying and irritated. Sorry, i don't really meant to.
*haihz. friggin emo now. and i'm sick. Feel like dying. No wait! Feel like getting better faster..T_____T..So i can be happy and cheerful and i don't have to think of so many friggin small matters and pretend that i'm ok...*haihz...i'm tired..i reli wish i could be somemore like sayang's bed and just sleep with peace and quiet.. [fat hoping dreams i have]
It's already the ninth and there's two more days to go and my head bursting even more..T_T. i'm gonna die soon. geez..why the hell and i so fucking emo? There's gonna be small presentation on monday [i hate it] and i have to finish my work by then when i'm not even 10% there yet now..guess someone won't be sleeping tonight. Then i heard on tuesday they'll be submission work but i dunno what we're suppose to do also..X_____X
what bout wednesday? i'm totally lost on what's gonna happen on wed..haihz..
Sayang's gonna start class on the 24th again and what's gonna happen? Might be going back to hostel to stay. but i really don't want to leave sayang but what can i do? i don't want sayang to feel i'm a burden. maybe he's half thinking i am d. Mayb he already is cz he keeps asking when i'm going back..SHIT..O_o....haihz..wth? i'm just so confuse and blur and don't know what the hell i'm crapping now..
Friday, 7 March 2008
i'm sick. and that's the worst thing that can ever happen to you when you were planning things..
I was having high fever ytd morning and i'm sorry to frighten sayang. i din mean to.
my throat was killing me. it was as if i had a knife there or smth like that.
Then fever came on and off..=/...today, sayang brought me there. scared me. but lucky sayang was there..=] so happy
Here i am now. in my room. alone *...and just finish installing adobe creative suite..wanna start on my work..but just lazing around..shit..sayang not here i tend to laze even more.T______T
I was having high fever ytd morning and i'm sorry to frighten sayang. i din mean to.
my throat was killing me. it was as if i had a knife there or smth like that.
Then fever came on and off..=/...today, sayang brought me there. scared me. but lucky sayang was there..=] so happy
Here i am now. in my room. alone *...and just finish installing adobe creative suite..wanna start on my work..but just lazing around..shit..sayang not here i tend to laze even more.T______T
Wednesday, 5 March 2008
I wish i could cry. I wish i could just relax and cry it out loud. But i can't, because there's just so many things that i want to do yet i can't.
So many things i want, but yet can't get.
I'm not saying about, someone has an ipod so i must have one NO I"M NOT!!!
i'm talking bout something that comes from the heart.
Sayang, I love you.
and i'm sorry that sometimes that i make you feel irritated or annoying.
IT hurts to make you feel like that too...
Sometimes, i just reli don't know what is right and wrong.
I think twice before i do anything [so it makes me act slow] geez..How i wish i could control my emotions better..
*sigh
i don't know why the hell am i so moody..maybe cz i lost sticthes.
WHERE'S STICtHES??????????????
So many things i want, but yet can't get.
I'm not saying about, someone has an ipod so i must have one NO I"M NOT!!!
i'm talking bout something that comes from the heart.
Sayang, I love you.
and i'm sorry that sometimes that i make you feel irritated or annoying.
IT hurts to make you feel like that too...
Sometimes, i just reli don't know what is right and wrong.
I think twice before i do anything [so it makes me act slow] geez..How i wish i could control my emotions better..
*sigh
i don't know why the hell am i so moody..maybe cz i lost sticthes.
WHERE'S STICtHES??????????????
Monday, 3 March 2008
Tuesday, 26 February 2008
hmmm. where do i start?
Sem hs finally started and work has been given,exciting it is in a way, but then, i'll be busy busy busy.
Brainstorming ytd, and suppose to be doing research now, but i don't have microsoft office. can you actually imagine that? ZOMG...=______=..
so here i am now, and then i'm just too lazy and started bloggin again..
haha..XDD
here i am at startbucks. Was actually using startbucks wifi before everyone came. Right now, it's like, every table has a person using laptops. Imagine how slow the connection is. So i ended up using 'Michelangelo's' wifi [it's just next door]..haha...
Currently debating whether which company should i start working on.
Sem hs finally started and work has been given,exciting it is in a way, but then, i'll be busy busy busy.
Brainstorming ytd, and suppose to be doing research now, but i don't have microsoft office. can you actually imagine that? ZOMG...=______=..
so here i am now, and then i'm just too lazy and started bloggin again..
haha..XDD
here i am at startbucks. Was actually using startbucks wifi before everyone came. Right now, it's like, every table has a person using laptops. Imagine how slow the connection is. So i ended up using 'Michelangelo's' wifi [it's just next door]..haha...
Currently debating whether which company should i start working on.
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