really.pissed.

seriously it pisses me off.
what the heck did i ever do to her?
at times i'm just SO GLAD that i'm NOT HOME!!
and stop saying that i'm being disrespectful to my mother.
people are always saying.
ignore her. tolerate her. mothers are like that.
yea, like that!!

i come home and you start asking questions and giving tone like.
''did u just have fun selling your body?''
Does the word ''offended'' come across your mind?
Just because you're alone at home doesn't mean I HAVE to be stuck at home too.
when i'm home. you're out.
or doing your stuff.
you come into my room in and out bothering me i never say a thing.
Then you leave the room saying i'm ignorant?
or you break down and say i never respect you?

i tried talking to you and make you understand,
but instead, you scold me.
if i knew i would get scolded, do you THINK i'll wanna talk to you the next time?
It's not like it's my bloody fault i'm getting allergy or rashes!
it's not my fault i break down into cramps okay!

Yea i should be grateful after all these years if not i would be somewhere else.
Not even having my laptop.
or sitting here.
But i do feel that i deserve so much more.
i respect you but you return it by saying i'm rude.

I use my own money to buy my stuff and you go on complaining how wasteful i am.
RM10 to you is like RM1000 to people.
How you look at things is YOUR PROBLEM.
people tells me. ''your mom has communication problems''
yea. BIG ONE! and do I have to be the middle person all the time?

i'm sick and tired of all this shit.
Dad isn't home. Carol isn't home. i'm not home. matt's soul is gone.
but yet. you always get to me.
cz i cared. i opened up a little to care for you and you attacked me.
How do you think i feel?

When i'm in my room doing my stuff,
you come in my room and start looking at everything and asking for small stuff.
Then you start nagging and scolding.
How do you think i'll react?
offended? Rudely?
Yea. cz that's how i feel.
i feel annoyed. and feel like yelling LEAVE ME ALONE!!!
it's not that i don't want to spend time with u.
but it's that, i don't want to hear you scolding and nagging every single time you see me.

You ask me to change my attitude towards you.
what about you? have you ever wonder how you really were?

-----
i came home last night, to find my house NO PAD!!! my brother hogging the bathroom. ARGH!!! i only had tampons and pantylinears and screwed with it.
so today, i bought KOTEX. 10 slim for RM2.15. it was the cheapest i could find. she came into my room and saw it. and FUSSED about it. saying why i bought it. being so expensive. HELLO MADAM!!!! it's something i need to use!!! i don't have magic to let it go away okay!!! i'm so pissed off as she's so unreasonable. wth. i don't care if i'm rude or anything. i'm pissed.