me, myself and i

so, i'm back at KL right now. and was pretty emo shit.

1stly: the mom thingy.

2ndly: the bf thingy.

and

3rdly: the self-thingy.

Everything seems such a big thing, like who i really was, or what i really was and all that. i'm tired of arguing, to speak out for my rights,guess after the few months of trying to speak out my points have just left be to nothing but being a bitch. Sometimes i feel that enplaning something to someone isn't as easy as teaching them ABC. People are getting so rebellious right now, it's like words can[t prove anything. you need incidents, or situations to happen to prove to them, and even incidents or experience people see are slightly different than what you thought and feel. I wanted to argue, but didn't want to look as if i'm covering up my ass, so i just shut up. But instead, my heart was torn into pieces. The disappointment in myself. I should have been smarter, to be more aware of surroundings and make it clear so that people will not accuse me or think wrong of me.

Maybe the oldself me was better. Though, whatever i do is never perfect enough for you. Never gonna be THE ONE. Everything i do, i do it for you. even if i did it for you and you didn't know, but yet you feel that i'm changing. it doesn't matter. i'll just have to find a way thru.

Then another burden come on me and i feel the stress around me. I try not to care, not to think and stay away from it. but fingers are still pointing at me. what else can i do? i can tell people, i can't talk to them about it. Things happening inside and outside. It's as if, there's no where i could run and hide.

But now, with a new job, starbucks. I hope, things would be so much better. and from there, i can show you, you and you. i am not who you think i am. call me a bitch and i don't care. i'm gonne find what i want. MY WAY!