something inside me

To a very dear friend of mine (whom i feel it's better not mentioning your name),

it's been a while since we've met, it's been a while since we've talk. We've lost contacts and not even msn. I only heard about you from friends and never knew more. There are so many happening ever since we both had turn to a different life. So many things i wanna say, but yet have to be careful with words and with what i say. You may many friends, here and there. from boys and girls and you were welcomed anywhere, everywhere. Even if you were placed with a crowd of strangers you could easily group them and laugh with them as if you've known them for days, weeks or even months. You even drag out the silent once and push the inner side of them out. which is what you did to me.

Those days weren't something i would want to go back to. But you were always there for me. In these years, reluctant times i want to call you to talk to you, but i just felt that i didn't want to bother you with all my troubles. You were willing to listen. to talk. to help. The days i cried, i hide and you've always pull me out. Without you, i don't think i would have even made it through high school. Soon, there were people in between who pulled us apart. making us misunderstanding each other and soon we talked less. and less till we had no more contact.

Recently, i met you.

'how are you?' you asked.

i wanted to reply ''i'm fine'' like i do to everyone. But then it would be lying to you. and i felt. maybe i should just give it a try.

''not so good'' i replied.

''why not? what happen? you asked.

'well, lots of things did happen. around friends, around uni. around family.'' i replied.

''tell me.'' you said..

and i finally roughly told you in a long story cut short of my darkest secret i ever feel. You held my hands. As if you knew i needed a hug. your hands on my head saying ''oh my god. what you've been through.''. tears were weavering in my eyeballs but i knew i had to pull them back, cz i didn't want this to go out in public. So, i just kept silent. For the fwe weeks, you have held my hand. Like telling me you will always be there for me. thank you.



You were something to me. a very good friend. like a BFF whom i can talk to and talk about anything. But there's just too many people in the way.


You won't read this. cz i know you don't know this blog exist. But, i hope, somewhere, god will pass the message and have someone else to be there for you like how you've been here for me. thank you.


.A very dear friend of yours.