Tuesday, 15 September 2009
Sunday, 13 September 2009
Saturday, 12 September 2009
Tuesday, 8 September 2009
Hubby and i talked today. It sudden made me realize WHAT i REALLY want this year. But somehow, i don't want to put my hopes up high because, With the higher hopes, will ALWAYS bring bigger disappointment.
For this year's birthday. my wish is ''to know how much you love me''. Or much i mean to you. and how much effort it's worth..
Hubby did mention that it's bcz i'm leaving and he doesn't want to make it such a big thing and i''ll end up NOT wanting to leave.
But the thing is. I wish he'll tell me. So i'll be more secure. and i want to know how it is.
*ugh*. like tiger had said.. why does he have to be so stubborn and why does he have to be someone that doesn't want to show his feelings?
I finally saw some pictures and reminded me of something. HAHAAA
NOW I KNOW where i wanna go for my birthday. ;DDD
buahahahaaaa.. sound so evil right? but. *sigh*. too much for hubby la.
i wanna go jogoya makan. HAHAA..
but due to the fact that there'll be TRAFFIC JAM (which hubby hates). and our class time. GOD knows what time he'll end.
Soooo, don't know about it.
why not let's just have mvD. hahaa..
then it could be cheap.
Monday, 7 September 2009
stop making go crazy! if one day i ever end up in the mental hospital or whatever shit. it's because of your fucking fault!!!!
Seriously right. i don't know what's your fucking problem. and all you're saying is BULLSHIT!!!
and i don't know what's my fucking problem!! everytime what you say it's the fucking same!! and still everytime i listen to it. everytime i get hurt and offended. i'm not a robot. i'm not a fucking body without feelings ok?
I don't want to eat. GOT ANY PROBLEM A??? STOP FORCING ME TO EAT LA!! IF I AM HUNGRY I WILL GO AND EAT LA!!!! SERIOUSLY. SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH....
like i wish. you think i don't? Do you FUCKING KNOW HOW HARD IS IT TO PRETEND YOU'RE SOMEONE ELSE IN FRONT OF YOU ALL???????TO PRETEND TO LOVE THE THINGS I HATE. TO PRETEND TO HATE THE THINGS I LOVE. TO PRETEND TO BE WHO I AM NOT! WHAT FUCKING SHIT IS THIS????
this is my life. and STAY AWAY FROM IT!!!! you know nothing about me. Not even my favorite color, or my favorite flavor .or my favorite cake. or favorite dish of food. you always think i love chicken chop... IT"S NOT MY FAVORITE AND I HATE IT!!!! wtf. so stop pretending that you know me.!!
It's alright for you to forget MY BIRTHDAY.. oh no. wait.. it doesn't matter shit to you anyway. right?? and how could you even remember something that is not yours??
and i was preparing something. now i just don't want to do it anymore. because. i'm TIRED OF WIPING YOUR ASS!!!!
and yea! i know you hate my not studying law or medicine or whatever shit you wanted your PERFECT DAUGHTER to be so you can FUCKING brag about it. i'm sorry!! that is not who i want to be. i want to be a creative director. an account service. a business design.. i want to have my own magazine book. my own fashion line. FUCKING CANNOT A??????
and what does it give a shit to you even when i wear a 5 inch high heels?? I WALK IN THEM!!! NOT YOU!!!
you have the right to not eat and i don't? what logic is this? DId you take your medicine today? i feel so mad and yet pity you, because you have a FUCKING ATTITUDE and a FUCKING BRAIN like that. nobody knows what fuck shit i'm going through.... people always think ''omg. small matter why you make it till so big?''.. yea.. smal smal small small small .. FOR 20 FUCKING EYARS IT BECOMES BIG!!!
and carol! stop asking me to tahan. be'ccz you're not here!!! and ibet you FORGOT how it feels to be LIKE THIS!!!!
i'm doubting if i wanna come back next week either. fucker.
Sunday, 6 September 2009
You know what really pisses me off? Just when i've calmed down.
YOU PISS ME OFF AGAIN!!!!
i talk to you nicely. you ask for my opinion. i give it to you.. and then? I GET SCOLDED FOR MY OPINION! WHAT THE FUCK?
shut up if you can't estimate! 4 person eating you order 2 large pizza! wtf? who's gonna eat? then you go on saying if we don't finish can keep. YEA RIGHT.. if we really didn't finish. you'll start scolding saying why are we wasting food..
THING NEVER GO THROUGH YOUR BRAIN A????
oh yea. wait..
do you even have one?
seriously. WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!! this is one fucking reason why i lock my doors before i go to sleep on saturday night. you force me to go to some place i don't fucking feel like going in the morning! and you start pissing me off!!! what the fuck??? don't you have nothing better to do in your life?
i'm a university student and i can't sleep at 10 every night and wake up at 7 in the morning. what fucking life is that?? how am i gonna fucking finish my work??
i just sniff once today.. ONE FUCKING TIME!!!!!! and you go on lecturer about it... FUCKER!!!!!! if it wasn't my birthday next week. i wouldn't give a shit about coming back either!! if it wasn't for YOU!!!! i wouldn't have come back this week EITHER!!!! stupid ass shit face cunt hole! wtf.
Saturday, 5 September 2009
Suddenly, i realize, it might be the last birthday till god knows when we celebrate it together.
Hubby asked ''why don't you have any friends that celebrates your birthday with you?''. Deep inside me, somewhere, hubby doesn't know this part of me. He's lucky he has friends like his. Though i'm also friends with them, but it's different, i'm more like a friend's girlfriend. but anyway, Don't want to talk about that.
I started thinking what i wanted when hubby asked me about a month ago. What do i really want? it's not that i have anything. i would say, i want that top from topshop, or that pair of killer heels. or this perfume. or that shades, or a handbag. there are LOADS a girl would want. i could even say i want a diamond pendant or what-so-ever. but then, i don't want something that just spells 'M-O-N-E-Y''. though i would be happy, which girl wouldn't?
But, i feel. i want a loved birthday. where the boyfriend makes something creative. or maybe a single rose would lighten up my day. Even if it's a combination of pictures of stitches. and us.. Or a collage picture of hubby himself. Or, a simple love letter describing what i mean to him would be so much better than a Burberry handbag, or a Prada shades.
All i wish, is something memorable.
Thursday, 3 September 2009
Wednesday, 2 September 2009
Suddenly, i feel to have the urge to have the brains to study. =/
or maybe the brains to be even smarter. *sigh*...
But anyways, Just feel so tired and lazy. and *ugh*. hate my group assignment work. seriously. =/. tsk. So, anyway, doing my work and watching Full House. but still, makes no difference in my life.
i seriously need a camera. sigh. gonna save money to buy it. Hope i can get it a.s.a.p...
i'm bored. and i'm lost passion in blogging, because he doesn't seem to bother. So he just kinda ruined my mood also.