i'm tryin to do my work here, but i can't. what the hell is wrong with me? i'm not happy, being very  straight forward here..i'm down and i'm friggin half emo here. i want to do my work, with all the spirit i have, it breaks me down. WHY? why do you have to do this to do? i'm starting a bad habit that i know noone would like it. i've put so much effort but this inside of me just tears me down. 

if i could run,

i would run away,

forever.

I don't care if

you say i'm a coward,

or saying that i'm just running away from problem. 

Because i know,

if i stop,

i will break down and cry.

i feel alone and where are you

when i need you

i'm losing it and the water is high

i can't breath

please pull me out

i don't like this feeling

i hate this feeling

i wish i could sleep the pain away,

i lay there with my eyes close

but i can't sleep

tears would roll

and i missed you

it hurts that you're not here

i don't know what would happen when i wake up the next day.

i'm emotionless and i feel empty.

this emptness inside me,

is eating me up.

This fear inside me. Why am i feeling it, i am trying to over-come it by doing my work. But then it turns out i screw up my work. What am i doing? help.*squeals*

X______X

. sucks being here .

*ugh.. i'm moving out of this unit tomorrow, wanted to move today, but the office doesn't have enough people on work. WTH??? and on the other hand, my unit is killing me.. why can't i have a decent unit? T_T.. will be moving back into block A.
screw the management here for eating up my six hundred bucks. And they put the blame on my, it's just being ridikulus..O_O...

being alone here with no one to talk to. i miss sayang alot..=/. wondering what he's doing now

this band is cool. bunkface. i did not know it was a malaysian band till i saw klcc and still wouldn't believe and had my friend confirmed it. they are amazingly great. someone commented that they sounded a lil like greenday, what do you think?XDD

you're so near yet so far. i miss you dearly. is there anything i can do to keep my feelings falling deeper and deeper? i miss you every single minute of the day.

i woke up at 11.30 this morning and realized that i promised uezion i'll meet him at the plaza at 12.30, then i hurried to get ready, then suyin caught me up and i started msn chatting with her, but still i made it in time. XDD

Internet connection isn't really that good here at hostel. It's so weak here at my room, at my bed. but it's so strong at the living room. My roomate moved out today, she's pretty.:D. so i'm alone here, i have two malay housemates, and another korean girl, who's bf is also here. So, yea. apparently, he's not studying here. I think in sunway, as sayang saw him before. hmmm..

I'm actually planning to go down to get some milk. So that i can eat along with my corn-flakes. I'm been losing many stuff. I've lost two very important books. it's my human anatomy books..T_T..then i also lost my rubbish bin, my clothes-hanger, my extension plugs. hmm..what else seem to be missing? yes! sayang..he's not here..=/..well, he's gonna come back on sunday. but i still won't be seeing him them. -i miss him-

Ever sat in a room with four walls, nobody's around. the whole house is empty. you look out the window, you see another wall, you look out the balcony, you see trees and forest and among it you see a small road leading to nowhere -the way out-. You're hungry and you don't have anything to eat. You go down to buy food and strangers are around. You have no one to talk, no one to smile. -that's how i feel-

okay so the guy near the end of his senior year in high school.
Unfortunately, he still has to share a room with his younger brother who is only 9
years old.

One night, he decides to bring his girlfriend home for a little fun.
They have bunk beds and the guy notices that his little brother is already asleep on the lower bunk, so he and his girlfriend climb up to the top bunk. As you might expect things start to heat up.
The guy remembers that his little brother is sleeping below so he tells his girlfriend to whisper "lettuce" if she wants it harder and "tomato" if she wants a new position.

Lettuce!!!

Tomato!!!

Lettuce!!!

Tomato!!!

Lettuce!!!

Tomato!!!

She screams.

Lettuce!!!

Tomato!!!

Whoa!!!

PULL IT OUT!!!

PULL IT OUT NOW!!!

I can't get pregnant!


Then the little brother shouts up,
"Hey, would you guys stop making sandwiches up there! You're getting mayonnaise all over my
face!*!*!*!*!

DON'T SPOIL IT.
Name 5 people you can think of right
off the top of
your head.
Don't read the questions underneath
until you write
the names of all 5 people.
This is a lot funnier if you actually
randomly list the
names first...

NO CHEATING!
1. Sayang
2. xian
3. carol
4. louis
5. matthew
DON'T LOOK AHEAD UNLESS YOU FILLED UP
THE TOP!

1. HOW DID YOU MEET 1?
-secet.XDD

2. On a scale of 1 -10 how would u rate
ur friendship w/ 1?
-perfect ten..:D

3. how long have you known 4?
-6 years?

4. How do you know number 3?
-she's my sister..

5. wheres 5?
- home

6. A fact about number 1?
-the best of the best. one of a kind.XDD

7. Who is 4 going out with?
-a 14 year old girl..haha

8. What does 1 do for a living?
- enjoy..i think..XD

9. Would you live with number 3?
-haha..i did..

10. What do you like about number 1?
-zomg. EVERYTHING. he is who he is. and he's always the best among the best.=]

11. Do you miss number 5?
-maybe?

12. Would you make out with number 4?
- that's a big NOOOO!

13. What’s your opinion of number 2?
- she's..too many to say.=]

14. What's your favorite memory with
number 5?
- me cutting his hair..haha

18. Do you hang out with 3 a lot?
- use to

19. Who have you known the longest!
- my sister.haha

21. How often do you talk to 1?
- Everyday. XDD

22. What about 2?
- hehez..

Every girl dreams that oneday, shewill find aguy that does these things for her.Even the smallest action can have

THE BIGGEST impact insomeone's life.

GIVE HER ONE OF YOUR T-SHIRTS TO SLEEPIN.

LEAVE HER CUTE TEXT MESSAGES.

KISS HER IN FR0NT 0F Y0UR FRIENDS.

TRUST HER 0VER EVERY0NE ELSE.

TELL HER SHE L00KS BEAUTIFUL.

L00K HER IN THE EYE WHEN Y0U TALK T0HER.

LET HER MESS WITH Y0UR HAIR.

MESS WITH HER HAIR.

UST WALK AR0UND WITH HER.

F0RGIVE HER F0R HER MISTAKES.

L00K AT HER LIKES SHE'S THE 0NLY GIRLY0U SEE.

H0LD HER HAND EVEN WHEN Y0U ARE AROUND Y0UR FRIENDS.

WHEN SHE STARTS SWEARING AT Y0U TELL HER Y0U L0VE HER.

LET HER FALL ASLEEP IN Y0UR ARMS.

GET HER MAD, THEN KISS HER.

TEASE HER & LET HER TEASE Y0U BACK.

STAY UP WITH HER ALL NIGHT WHEN SHES SICK.

WATCH HER FAV0RITE M0VIE WITH HER

KISS HER F0REHEAD.

GIVE HER THE W0RLD.

WRITE HER LETTERS.

LET HER WEAR Y0UR CL0THES.(SWEATSHIRTS)

WHEN SHES SAD, HANG 0UT WITH HER.

LET HER KN0W SHE'S IMP0RTANT.

LET HER TAKE ALL THE PH0T0S 0F Y0U SHE WANTS.

KISS HER IN THE RAIN.

CALL HER EVERY NIGHT.

AND WHEN Y0U FALL IN L0VE WITH HER,TELL HER.

AND WHEN Y0U D0 TELL HER.

L0VE HER LIKE Y0U NEVER L0VED BEF0RE.

.hate this feeling.

i just hate this feeling inside me. my stomach is sooOOOoo uncomfortable. and then all sudden i have this flu and cough coming from..T___T..fever comin up and down and the worst is my stomach..=[. why the hell do i have to be so weak and sensitive. just hate it.

-wishing i could sleep the pain away-

. it's boring. 

life just doesn't feel right when you're all alone and you lost track of time. 

i hate it. *ugh.. wonder what will i be doing this weekend. =____='''

most likely online online online and blog and watch and figure how to finish my assignments..=/

-i miss you sayang-

.iloveu.

Being in love with you

Has changed my life in ways

I never dreamed possible

I never knew that I could find 

so much joy in a simple kiss.

or such happiness

when we hold each other.

You have become

a very important part of my life.

And you've shown me how good

two people can be together

when they let themselves

believe in love

.back to being alone.

Sayang dropped me off ytd,
i just wish i could never let go..
As he walked away,
i felt the loneliness crawling up me.

-being dramatic-

Another week has pass and here I am in kl back again. God. Once I think about all the assignments and journal I want to faint. Back in hostel tonight and sayang’s gonna go to singapore tomorrow. Gonna miss him loads..T_T.. Means no going back to ipoh this weekend and no seeing him. And xian’s in ipoh. Too bad she can’t come up to kl. She came on Monday but I just couldn’t meet up with her.

Thinking of getting a post-paid so that I won’t have to worry phone being out of credit..Geez..i need a reload now.

Stitches is tearing up apart and it’s so lose..T_T. it’s been four years. Would someone get me a new one? =]..hehez..*hint*hint..it’s been four years..haha…sorry, just being random.

It’s surprise that my mom never notice my contacts after I’ve been wearing it for so long. I wore the aqua blue, then to warm hazel and now misty grey, she only notice on Sunday when my uncle ask me bout it. She’s so blur..X_X..zomg. Then she started her naggings. But I mention that she ask me bout my sollution the previous time, so I though she knew, and there was once, she asked if I was wearing them if not why am I going so near the TV. So, she would have known right? Such blur case.

-take time to realize I’m on your side-

难到爱你是错的吗？
我开始觉得你根本不是那么在乎我。
我爱你，你也不是美感觉，但是还搞那么多事情来不去爱。
难道我是那么差经吗？
你想怎样，我都尽力去做，去改。但是，我有得到什么呢？
我完全为了你而放弃所有，您有想过吗？

我好讨厌，讨厌自己那么的爱你。
你好自私，你要，我给，那么我要的，你能给到吗？

If I could have just one wish,
I would wish to wake up everyday
to the sound of your breath on my neck,
the warmth of your lips on my cheek,
the touch of your fingers on my skin,
and the feel of your heart beating with mine...
Knowing that I could never find that feeling
with anyone other than you.

It's not even my fault.
Here i am sitting down and wishing how i could be a better person.
I tried to close my ears and pretend i've never heard them so i won't be such a emo freak after listening to them.
But i just can't.

As the tears run down my cheeks,
i feel disappointed at myself.
Mayb i could have been a better person with a better attitude,
I;ve always thought they were wrong,
but then now i realized,
then we all have faults,
and maybe i'm just not the perfect girl,
and i just don't have the perfect attitude.
So, what makes me have the right to even go after him..

All i know,
i'll hate myself for life,
if i blow my chances forever and
if i never get him..

i just don't understand why won't he...

-i love you-

I don't care if you're bad or good. I know how bad you are, and i know how good you are. I love you for who you are, but not what you are.

i love you and that's all. I know that i might have said that what's mine will be mine and what's not won't be. But sometimes, i just feel like i want it..

I'm so exhausted, it's five in the morning and i can't really sleep. Just keep thinking bout the next night scares me..T___T..i seriously don't want to go back, but i know it's best for my work and transport to uni and maybe he'll have some space of his own..screw my mind..T___T..

Contacts are killing my eyes, i really need to change brand, FreshKon aren't good. Try FreshLook.. Facial is important. Wanted to go for farcial today, or tomorrow, but there isn't time today and there's no transportation tomorrow..

When he was there, i was dazed. From far i looked, from far i admire, even though it was like how it was last time, but the feeling right now isn't the same. He shuffled and my eyes just couldn't off him. Then he left, i thought he'll leave without saying byes. Soon, after that, he came in, and my heart thumped hard, he ask me to go over, my heart was going to explode. What's wrong with me? It's not like we've never talked to laughed or hugged, but why am i having butterflies in my stomach and i just realized, i've loved more and more everyday..

-i can't live without you-

When something;s are not yours, no matter how much effort you put in, it'll never be yours. If it's yours, it'll eventually come to you.

Ok, maybe you might be thinking, maybe you'll do somethings which caught his attention and maybe he'll fall for you. But it only works 1 out of that thousand. You dare to take the risk? I've done what i've done, and i've known what i should know and i've regreted blowing up chances and making myself a big fat fool. I've gotta change for a better person.=/

hmmm...i died my hair A.G.A.I.N today..hmm...wonder how it actually looks. You know, they say your hair will only actually be the best after one or two days after you come out from the saloon. so, gotta wait few days till it actually comes out ok.

My stomach hasn't been feeling really well, tumble and pain and omg..T___T

-i'm with you-

Today i came back to hometown, and i learn to think more about useful stuff such as work and assignments and future and how to get a car and how to chance myself for a better person.

Din notice today was Good Friday..*sorry up there..XDD..went to church, suprisingly my parents would go to a chinese speaking prayer. haha..no offense but i din expect them to do things like that. It's three in the morning and i'm still not asleep, with my contacts still on and i'm online. not suprise, if not it'll be a pain in my head if i had to read or type in the middle of the night. Mosquitoes are feeding on me and it's a lil annoying. wonder why they were even created..hmm..no offense yea, sorry, it's suppose to be Good Friday..XDD
Esther is on Sunday. Any eggs? haha..being so random...
I think i'll be off now, get a shower, be in bed, start chatting with xian and fall asleep. Fixing my hair tomorrow morning and might be going to facial and fix my nails. Then will be going jj with xian. Night might be going to riverbanks. It's all a might, but still i'm not sure..hmm..

-does he know he's all i think about at night-

Back in ipoh~

xian's back!~!~! and i'm at his place now..haha...at least we're having fun and laughing non-stop..XDD..ok, when i mention fun, i meant as in fun as in just two girls talking and gossiping..*i'm being random*

Sometimes, i reli hate myself. such a disapointment and disgrace. i blew it a few times and i hate myself...T____T..gotta be more alert and chance myself for a better person..hope you are able to give me time to change for a better person. i'm really trying. and i'm sorry if there wer times that i do things i did not even notice..sorry..T___T..i really am. and i do not hope to blow any chances anymore..*sigh....


-i can't even see anyone when he's with me-

here i am again in LUCT. waiting for time to pass and online here. Might have to go back to hostel and stay. T____T
Might be changin room then. MIGHT only. if i all sudden wanted a roomate whom i know then i'll maybe change. But for the moment. I'm just so confused..aiks.
Gotta pack pack and pack and then unpack again..*just thinking of all the trouble just makes me dizzy...

haha...zomg when i think of all my assignments..T_T and so blur. and lost and so many friggin researches to do. Bloody hell internet. Where are you when i need you? haha...being so random now.

Right now sitting in plaza and there's a thing going on. People just stopped doing what they were doing and it's lik the froze in time. Damn! too bad i dun have pictures. then i could upload them and just show some pictures..XDD..

i've edited my blog a lil, make the words a lil bigger cz liying complaint it was too small..haha..hope it looks ok though.=]
i like it being colorful at the same time it's not too complicated.XDD

i just got a new skin. Took quite some time to edit it..i liked it quite alot. Colors of my life..hehez...comment on it.=]. i just wanna think what you guys think of it.=]
thanks loadz...

Some things are just so complicated words can't even describe them. It's not that he doesn't love you, but it's just that he's afraid of commiting. aiks. what can i do?

Deep down inside i'm glad and happy we went. Even though we weren't together, but i'm happy that he's there. I'm happy i went with him.

I feel that i'm a sarcastism lil naive girl who knows nothing bout reality. gosh..where am i going..i'm so lost in this big big BIG world...=___=

没当你说我是你的负担，我好心痛。但是事实上来说，一个朋友照顾另一个朋友是负担。对不起，因为自己多心而不开心。

一直一来，我都忘了我们还没是真真的情女，都是我自己把你当这是我的，所以就感情越深了。我什么是都告诉你，但是，有些东西真的不放便的和你说。就例如我对你的秘密感情。以前来说，我只不过是远方的望着你，现在，虽然人在你身边，心永远的会在你身边，你看到的吗？你知道的吗？

一时，我真的好累，经常想，我得等多久才能完完全全的得到你。我久想只狗在你后头跟着你，但是，心亏你对我还好。我真得那么爱你吗？爱到我无法曲控制自己。你告诉我你还没准备，你给我许多理由和借口，我也无法去做任何事情。

Have you ever wonder what is going to happen to you? I often wonder. Sometimes, someone can be quite emo without knowing it and it’s unstopable. Different people has different opinion, it’s just how you deal with it. Don’t you agree with me?

Think of the negative way, it hurts so much to be able to be with that someone, to do things together, to go out, watch movie, have dinner, having him to drive you. And Nomatter how many times it happens, it’s always so special to you and the feelings gets stronger and stronger. Maybe this is only how you feel towards him, but how does he feel toward you? Maybe he’s just getting use to it and it has become a habit, but not something special to him. And till the end, we’re not officially a couple.

But to think of the positive way, he’s around you, I can see him anytime I want, and I blush everytime I do. Everytime he looks into my eyes, my heart beats faster and faster. Well, it was either you look at him from near, or you look at him from far. He is able to teach you and share everything he knows. That’s a good start. Isn’t it?

i feel like shit now. and in additional, i'm having fever and this stupid viral infection. i'm tired and wish i could just shut myself down and restart it refreshly..

Sayang hasn't been talking to me the whole day...T___T..i know i'm being over-sensitive. but i dunno anything anymore when he's not around. is he mad? why wouldn't he reply me? i'm sorry..T__T..

i feel so bad bad deep inside. I usually tell him everything and now it's like..i feel bad not telling him it..

Sayang's birthday is coming up and i reli don't know what to give. i'm so disappointed at myself. Kinda think of it. a crush on him for one year has made a very big difference. Everytime he looks at me, my face blushes up. Everytime he comes near me, i wish i could hug him tight. everytime his face is next to mine, my heat beats as if it were about to jump out.

I sit next to him, my heart beats face, m mind wanders off and i'm glad he's right next to me, i'm stund and crazed by the moment. and never thought this would happen to me.
Even though we see each other everyday, i still sit and think of you. not a single second missed out. When we are apart, i lose faith in us, and i tend to think, is he thinking of me? or did he just forgot bout me..
i'm sick with fever and i feel dizzy. how i wish he could be next to me. I don't care whether he's watching tv or he's asleep. as long as he's next to me. As long as i can see him from far.
I'm not being a stalker.and maybe i am to some, but this happens, when you admire someone.

I lose faith in myself and i don't trust myself, because there are so many others, out there for him to chose. I sit and think, where have i lost? and i realize, i lost from every aspect..

i love you. and hope you do too.
i'll wait, no matter how long it takes.
two and a half months has pass, and i'll still wait. No matter how much it hurts, i'll still be next to you..

i may sound crazy but it's true, all i want to is have you.

this is a crappy post. don't bother to read the crap and sorry..

it sucks to be sick. last night i all sudden have small little lumps coming out from my neck *ugh. and my dad mentioned i'm having some viral infection. then my mom was lil freaking out and asked me to stay back in ipoh. NO WAY...

sad thing is, i have to stay home today, til lunch going out. then i'm going parade to get some stuff. Lil tired though, of everything that is happening. Tired of pretending that i can handle everything..

Sorry sayang that most of the time, you always see me half-dead like that. There's so many bout myself i need to think. I may not be perfect, but i'm trying my best. And then i realize that there's so many things that i have to change, from my attitude to my behaviour.

I feel bad that everytime it happens i make sayang feel annoying and irritated. Sorry, i don't really meant to.

*haihz. friggin emo now. and i'm sick. Feel like dying. No wait! Feel like getting better faster..T_____T..So i can be happy and cheerful and i don't have to think of so many friggin small matters and pretend that i'm ok...*haihz...i'm tired..i reli wish i could be somemore like sayang's bed and just sleep with peace and quiet.. [fat hoping dreams i have]

It's already the ninth and there's two more days to go and my head bursting even more..T_T. i'm gonna die soon. geez..why the hell and i so fucking emo? There's gonna be small presentation on monday [i hate it] and i have to finish my work by then when i'm not even 10% there yet now..guess someone won't be sleeping tonight. Then i heard on tuesday they'll be submission work but i dunno what we're suppose to do also..X_____X
what bout wednesday? i'm totally lost on what's gonna happen on wed..haihz..

Sayang's gonna start class on the 24th again and what's gonna happen? Might be going back to hostel to stay. but i really don't want to leave sayang but what can i do? i don't want sayang to feel i'm a burden. maybe he's half thinking i am d. Mayb he already is cz he keeps asking when i'm going back..SHIT..O_o....haihz..wth? i'm just so confuse and blur and don't know what the hell i'm crapping now..

i'm sick. and that's the worst thing that can ever happen to you when you were planning things..

I was having high fever ytd morning and i'm sorry to frighten sayang. i din mean to.
my throat was killing me. it was as if i had a knife there or smth like that.

Then fever came on and off..=/...today, sayang brought me there. scared me. but lucky sayang was there..=] so happy

Here i am now. in my room. alone *...and just finish installing adobe creative suite..wanna start on my work..but just lazing around..shit..sayang not here i tend to laze even more.T______T

I wish i could cry. I wish i could just relax and cry it out loud. But i can't, because there's just so many things that i want to do yet i can't.
So many things i want, but yet can't get.

I'm not saying about, someone has an ipod so i must have one NO I"M NOT!!!
i'm talking bout something that comes from the heart.

Sayang, I love you.

and i'm sorry that sometimes that i make you feel irritated or annoying.

IT hurts to make you feel like that too...

Sometimes, i just reli don't know what is right and wrong.

I think twice before i do anything [so it makes me act slow] geez..How i wish i could control my emotions better..

*sigh

i don't know why the hell am i so moody..maybe cz i lost sticthes.

WHERE'S STICtHES??????????????

Uni life isn't what i've expected sometimes.

Sometimes it can be quite boring.

I love my sayang and i love having him around me.

Sayang's birthday is coming up.

If you want anything, just request it from me. Ok? i love you.

You know that. muakzx...
hugz and kisses.