some people are just so cold-hearted.

Sometimes you just can't believe it. don't you? Here i am seeing sean going thru everything, and he's releasing it all out. But here i am, just keeping it in my heart. i admire how sean work things..you go big bro!^^ we'll always support u..

some people are jsut so cold-hearted. They can say yes at the moment, leave u and say no the next minute. wow. it's just unbelieveable how people do things right? they are jsut so cold-hearted that they would only take what they want.

It hurts... why so? i tell myself. i'm fine.. But it hurts. I never want to see him, never want to even know he's next to me. cz i feel that people like that aren't deserve to be treated good. after all, even i did treat him good, he thinks i din. so what's the difference?only time will tell my ass..

i've made my mind up. i'm locking myself away from relationship. like sean said yesterday to me..

Thank you sean for making me realize so many things..and edmond too.. you guys are like my big bro..^^..thanks alot.=]

some pictures

here are some pictures..this is Jang and kLoong...can u tell who is who??^^
Now i think u can right??^^..kLoong is the one drawing and jang is the other one..this looks like two proffesional discussing on their work..haha...

and then i was at one side, i saw at kLoong's bag had a very cute shoe..^^..look..isn't it cute?hehez..if i could wear it..haha..i wonder who could??

because.....

yup..that's the size...so smal..^^...ain't it cute?..haha...

Another First Time

wow..Firstly, i gotta apologize for not blogging that often anymore it's because, i seldom go back my room... [it brings back unwanted memory]
So, i''ve been around.. Here and there... I was doing history of art that day, and i ended up sleeping over at kLoong's unit. b'cz i was using sean's laptop. It seems easier for me to get up anywhere but my own place. So, then, the next day also. And then i was around. I even fell- asleep at the living room two nights ago. This was b'cz i was waiting for sean to come back and i actually wanted to see edmond do his work. But i was too tired and i fell asleep.

Yesterday, we went to Sunway to sing-k at Red-Box.. first time for me. haha..anyway, after that when we went back was almost 12. and then we somemre watch this chinese movie which is the mask by chow sing chee.. and then after that, watched another comedy movie by him too. haha i almost fell asleep then. then after that kLoong wanted to sleep, so then at first sean thought of sending me back..[he always sayz it's not safe for a girl to walk back like that after 11] and that time was already 3.30.. Then sean pula say he's hungry..ok le then..so, we went to street mall to have a drink.. and we chatted alot..along with edmond too..

This brought me many thinking..

what is love? everybody is asking. well, sean and i are going throught the same thing. but i'm a girl and he's a guy..Right? sometimes being a girl is so trouble-some..=/
anyway, i made my mind to be who i am. Love is just a thing. When it's time, it'll come. At Least unlike some people who are damn perasan and think they know-it-all... i just hate him so much for all the things. and he has the guts to say i din put any effort..
anyway, my laptop is at kLoong's place..cz i'm doing research and everything. Just too lazy to bring everything back there.

i guess i gotta go start on my canvas colors d..^^.. hope it'll turn out well.=]

Gundam

ok.. i know i am not a gundam freak or anything. But then, i just fell in love with one..haha..it's call SD strike..it's the mini version i heard..^^..it's so cute....kawaiii....hehez... mayb i ask my brother to buy the modal for me..haha..then i can play..=]..i mean put as decoration also can la..haha..

anyway, i wanna show some images..but i can't..cz i'm not using my own laptop now..so the images are not here.. they are in my phone...They are just soooooo KAWAIIIIII.....

but of cz..ppl like kevTan, sean, edmond they all don't have to go and find out what's that cz they know what's it.. ok.. thanks to SEAN [paul] i fell in love with SD strike...haha..^^

working my *** off..

ok...so here i am.. Doing my history of art documentation..geez..only the biography of Leonardo he himself has already used up more than 20 pages..i just do hope that teacher won't deduct mine for being too long..haha..i mean the documentation.^^..

it's 4 smth plus in the morning..and there's a freaking mosquito here..omg..i can die..NOOOOO!!! i can't feeed it..i must kill it..KILLLL....buahahaha..ok..i hate them..i mean..who loves them? right? why are they even in this world? why can't god create smth much more human-loving if they are so important to the world..i mean..is sucking blood from the human-being THAT IMPORTANT???

if it is..then i am speechless...wanna take some rest..tomorrow another day..wish me luck on my life drawing finals..^^

listening to PeterPan-Mungkin Biar

对你有感觉

我曾深刻体会对爱感到胆怯
还好有懂我的你给我安慰
看你失落的脸又再为爱憔悴
我心痛的感觉竟如此的强烈
眼角的泪它给过谁
伤透了心也无所谓
我会愿意静静地陪在你身边
如果说爱已不可为
那我宁愿藏心里面
其实我害怕会失去你的感觉
怎么会开始对你有了感觉
又深怕朋友默契转身不见
矛盾着犹豫不决
没准备跨越爱的界线
怎么会开始对你(你)有了感觉
深陷朋友恋人之间的危险
进与退被爱包围谁犯规都狼狈
谁能解围让一切完美
怎么会开始对你(你)有了感觉
深陷朋友恋人之间的危险
你和我拥抱瞬间不后悔这暧昧
星光唯美把爱放心里面
把爱放心里面
把爱放心里面
把爱放心里面

changed

ok..i've decided no t to do Herbie Fully Loaded because i realized that the car is hard to draw..buahaha..
So i decided to do...

Just My Luck..

Here is the image..
But of cz..i won't be drawing Chris Pine and Lindsay..I have to draw myself..So, for Chris Pine, i decided to chose kLoong..haha...b'cz among all my friends..the one who looks closest to Chris is kLoong..and he agreed, so ^^...i just wanna apologize to kLoong that if my drawing comes out not nice..komenasai..^^>..haha..i'm not a illustrator or a human figure drawer..haha...
I've started on my canvas d..drew the words and the buliding..the broken umbrella too..haha..i just can't draw human...T___________T

So, i just do hope things would work out well, i mean for this..
i'm going back kl at 4 in the afternoon later..Then will be doing my banel work..i think..anyway..good luck to all of my friends for the finals..^^

going back home

yea..i'm going home today..and i am coming back tomolo..this is because kLoong wants to go back to do smth..so i am also going back, mustwell, do some work there. peace, quite and space..haha..mayb at night i'll go get some acrylic paint i need..hope can print my pictures for the journal..at least do smth..
haha...
Just got back today..had life drawing test today..While i was in the lift. going down from the tenth floor, there was this Black guy in formal wearing and holding business and law book, he smiled and asked what's my name..then he asked if i was Japanese or Korean...^^..buahaha..at least he din ask if i was indonesian like Zali..haha...^^

So....yea. I got this new skin, and i'm still figuring how to put my image there.anyone have any idea???^^

New Skin

So, i got this new skin. Cz i got a little tired of the old one..
and since everything and all my profiles are being updated and changed due to some reason..i felt as though i needed to change my blog too..
wow..yea..
I dont know how..cz i did everything in one hour..internet is slow..and i'm dead tired..
i'm going to sleep..

Nitezzzz....

.bored.

i'm bored in my room. din go out. the last person i talked to was like james..if you don't include my room-mate..going home tomorrow. need to wash my clothes.. I wanna start my painting.well, i do hope i can draw it on the canvas on fri night..haha..

I'm so sleepy now..but i just still don't want to sleep..don't know why..mayb i will after i am done with this la..*yawn*..i'm tired..don't know what to write here..but still i wanna type..haha

.I took the test.

haha...i was damn wu liao..
so i took the test..
ok..
and i did it twice..
the first time.. i was a look-alike to Mai Kuraki, Ayumi Hamasaki, Lee Hyori, Oliver Newton, BOA, j.k rowling, jennifer love hewitt and kana..

the second time, i was a look-alike to Lee hyori, kana, Mai kuraki, Matsushima nanako, Bunko Kanazawa, Ami Suzuki, [one more i forget her name] Jennie finch, and lastly, Brenda song..haha..


ok..now u can see how boring i am..
it's bcz i'm waiting for dinner to be called..
it's 9.15..haha..

My Celebrity Look-alikes

http://www.myheritage.com

My Celebrity Look-alikes

My cool celebrity look-alike collage from MyHeritage.com. Get one for yourself.

ok..i've finally picked this to paint for my life drawing painting..
haha...
i'm going to be dead...haha

. Another day.

so, here i am. Another day.. I woke up late today, it was 11. i was like 'oh shit!' then i called sean..cz that pig is the one who is always late..haha... then he told me that he's not going. i was like..ok.. then he told me his class has test..i was like..huh? i though the test was like the week b4 raya holz? so, anyway, we hung up and then i called edmond to see where was he..but that fella..haihz..din get to talk to him properly..so then, i called edwin, at home..called bryan..at home..called jang..at home..i was like...what?? everyone at home? then i called kLoong..then he told me he's in campus..i was like..ok..where's edmond? then he told me our froup memebers are coloring...so i'm going there with jang later..haha..not sure..it's almsot 12..gonna finish this then i'll go over..

recently i just suck at taking pictures..cz i don't know how to take them ith short hair..haha...sometimes i do miss my long hair..haha...anyway, carol, hope u din get too shock with my hair-style..^^..ok..love ya..muakzx

.where's my dinner.

I demand for my dinner..WHERE IS IT??? god..i don't know i am like hungry every half-an hour..damnit..it's not like i din eat, or it's not like i din eat for a very long time..ok..this is just crazy..i want my dinner and i want it right now..mayb i should create a song call i want my dinner..haha..this is just crazy..i don't know what i have been doing the whole day..because i just seem so empty and confuse...sesat la me..haihz...

.amazing.

wow..i was at edmond's place and he showed me this video which really inspired me and make me want to get my guitar skilld better..
this is a korean guy playing canon in a rock version. he's amazing. please watch the whole thing and comment..^^..u can comment on my cbox.[it's a bit empty] haha..



he's amazing..his finger is like SOOOOO fast..haha..

.i cried again.

yea, being emo is so not me. But i just couldn't help it. i cried right after i turned around and walked away. but i held back my tears..when i was in the car..passing it to sean was painful.. it hurt, and i cried right in front of sean, gerald and kevin. I din know what to do. I was all messed up and i don't even know myself anymore. who even cries more than me. I cried till I'm d-hydrated and i mean litteraly cz i ended up having cramps. i had to ask ppl for time to talk to me. If not i'll be in my room and i'll not just cry till i have cramps, but i am afraid i won't be able to control myself. what more can i do?

i really love him, but i just can't take the pain anymore. I can't lose myself and I really really wish.. that i'm able to find the pieces in me. I can't bear the pain. You stole my heart and threw it again. Why are u doing this? yes, i have promised to stand at your door even if you slam it at me. But i never knew when the time came. My heart and soul has been shattered. I love you, but it's just that, i can't trust you with me heart anymore. I don't feel safe with you anymore. Being with u, i have not just have to stand up strong in front of you, but also i have to stay down. Every time i voice up my opinion. it will seem like i'm going against you.

We love each other, but i don't think it'll work. after all the pain that you and i have caused..i'm not sure if i can go on anymore or will my soul just disappear. I am lost and i am confuse. A few frineds have been asking, but i can't seem to talk about everything to them. maybe it's because i've been hurt enough. For the past few years, you've taken my entire heart, i forgot bout things i did not want to remember, but at a split second. you threw everything back at me and it shattered. I need time to pick it up piece by piece and mend it. I need time, and i need to find my pieces which are shattered all in this infinity space and by then, i can only give you the answer.

I'm not stopping you with your music. So, go ahead, at least you can make your parents proud. My family is my business, don't try t bring me back, cz.. i can't.. i admit i'm a problematic child, but nobody is perfect, and i can't help being who i am. i'm sorry.

please don't hurt me.

.where's my heart.

i ask myself..where's my heart? he called.. at the beginning..he started shooting at me.i was hurt..i din know what to do but to back up for myself, but then, the whole situation seems like i'm the unreasonable ones. we both have faults..why compare? I don't want to talk about the conversation. but at least, my blog here is something that keeps me from going crazy..
Tears just couldn't help flowing. he asked for my heart. i just couldn't give it. It wasn't strong enough to be thrown back or do anything or even touch it. I just wanted to hear it from him. I wanted to hear him say that he love me. I wanted to hear him tell me that i'm everything to him. But i guess, it's all in my mind. but at least, before we hung up..i managed to squeeze those words out of him but ended both being painful. I loved him so much. and i truly miss him. But my heart isn't ready to stand up and stay strong. i'm really very sorry..
I can't find my heart as i can't pick it up.
I just hate it when people go around telling others about their girls or their boys. well, then it's up to them. maybe some people might be happy to the fact that we are not together. who knows who is actually planning all this??

i stand under the rain. hopig that the rain will wash away my tears. was away my soul and my pain. I din know what else to do. the rain is with me, as we both cry the whole night long.

.images.

ok..here are some images of my new hair..i din reli take good pictures..not reli in the good emotions nowadays...

*carol*pls dun freak out..^^..my camera skills is like shit.what more i look like shit..with my eyes all red..i'm not photogenic at all..so, yea..pls bear with my ugly-nest..

.Meaningful words that brought my heart.

This was an entry post written by carrie, one of my friend.. she's written a little smth and i reli felt that, that is how i wanted to say it too..but i'm deadly serious not good in writing these..so the credits goes to her kayz??

-sometimes being with a person for too long may be good & may be bad. good that u und each other so well, you will know everything they think & everything they do even before they do it. I always have that feeling, i know when he will call, i will be holding my phone & the phone will ring. Even he sense the same thing~ it really feels great when everyone is happy. But when its bad.. it will turn real bad. When u think u really und that person so well, some how or rather one day u wil just realise that, actually there is much more that u have to understand and learn about that person. I seriously didn't know what to do when he just breaks down all of a sudden, doing & saying things he never says and do. I just thought it was another usual routine of his, being mad at me for things that im not at fault at, mad about his own mistake.-

.bored.

i'm sitting here on my bed in the middle of the night..listening to wang lee hom..i'm bored because i have nothing to do. so, here i am..blogging and start complaining how i wish my life would be better or how i wish i have girlfriends..
i'm getting bored of it myself..geez..ok..my leehom song has just ended and now i'm listening to some olden chinese song..and omg..it's slower then 'yue liang dai biao wo de xin' and i don't know why i'm still listening to it..
well, mayb cz i'm typing this and i'm too lazy to click to i-tunes and just change the song..

So, i just came back from ipoh to kl today. reached about 4.30 in the evening..was damn tired..i bet kLoong went back and sleep..haha.. din inform me bout dinner, so i skipped it and i ate coco crunch..haha..ok, after this i'm going to sleep...

Omg, i can't wait to get my own new mac book pro..then at least i don't have problems with virus or the keyboards or the graphics or whatever i want to do..this is just crappy and killing me..my eyes are droopy and i can fall asleep any moment..but i'm jsut waiting to download the chinese wordings..haihz..i'm gona cry any moment..A.G.A.I.N...

it's just not my luck la..someone took it away..what also taken away from me..even a min before i leave the house today, she has to talk so much..crap la..haihz..

i'm yawning again and lucky the song has finish and the song being played now is gonna make me sleep faster..then to think that i have to get up from me bed, pack my table and then off the lights..argh...my roomate is asleep, so i have to off it..

was watching claymore just now..so exciting then i realize, i oni have till episode 19 and have to wait for bryan to borrow me the rest..=___=..have to wait..so now do what?? wanna watch drama have to wait for kevin to introduce..who knows?? with brains like me i'll end up watching smth i don't wan too..
haihz..
ok..
i'm dead tired now..

.wow.

ok, i don't know i'm extra emotion or what..it's b'cz i was going thru youtube and i saw this. I heard about this girl last time but i din bother to see any of her video or what..now i saw it..and the weird thing is that, my cheeks are wet..i'm tearing and i don't know why..
She's six..so, what voice can you expect from her? But for her age, she's fantastic..
I guys everyone heard of her -Connie Talbot..

This is her video, including auditions, interviews, semi-finals and finals..

安静
只剩下钢琴陪我弹了一天
睡着的大提琴 安静的旧旧的
我想你已表现的非常明白
我懂我也知道 你没有舍不得
你说你也会难过我不相信
牵着你陪着我 也只是曾经
希望他是真的比我还要爱你
我才会逼自己离开

你要我说多难堪 我根本不想分开
为什么还要我用微笑来带过
我没有这种天份 包容你也接受他
不用担心的太多 我会一直好好过
你已经远远离开 我也会慢慢走开
为什么我连分开都迁就着你
我真的没有天份 安静的没这么快
我会学着放弃你 是因为我太爱你

.hurt.

So there you are,
across the line..
What's this??
Why are tears falling down?
Why are all this around me?
why does my heart hurt??
You ask for it,
I held it in my hand, I resist it and it stinged.
It hurts..Why?? why does it hurt?
i'm staying strong here. But yet, i'm being pushed to the floor,
it hurts, i'm in a hole,
i lock my heart with the key and i'm climbing out.

I wipe my tears and i climb,
anyone would have to find the key to my heart first..
No hints, No sweet-talk.
I'm sorry if i'm being selfish.
I'm sorry if i'm being inconsiderate.
Mayb it's time others think what i've done..
i'm tired and i'm standing up with nobody to give a hand,
that's me.

Don't apologize,
DOn't tell me you love me.
Don't ask for my heart,
I'm keeping it..

I drop down,
i can't breath,
i feel my heart beat everywhere.
I lay down and close my eyes..
my head spins..
what's wrong?
what should i do??

i leave the house, thinking to get my mind of it.
I can't find nice shoes,
i can't see nice clothes..
I just see food and i just eat.
I don't care..
I'm emotionless..
i'm hurt....

.drained.

i'm drained here. I sit here thinking what to type.
my hands are moving. my mind is blank.
What is wrong with me?
Get up! Move on! i'm not wanted.
i guess i'm gone..
i'm drained.
my eyes hurt and i can't open them cz they are d-hydrated,
i ask myself.
why is this??
i guess it's life..
i Guess this is how He plays the 'Game'
I'll disappear and leave.
I'll leave him alone.
Whatever it takes for him to be happy.
i Just wanna say this to him..

Remember me when we're apart,

But forget me if it troubles..

I'm tired and i want to sleep.But i can't. Cz i'm standing here with my shattered heart which was just thrown back at me.
I think i'll just keep it in my pocket and let it heal itself. Eventually i know i can.

*with hope, faith, will, there's always success.*

the one i love can only be another dream kept in my mind and illusion and can never be brought into reality.Cz that's how it is, to prevent myself from hurting more.
I'm being selfish and i don't care. I've given enough. I've taught enough. The rest is up to them. I need to rest...

.thoughts.

over days and night, i ask myself.
what am i and where am i??
Over weeks and months i've told myself.
Yes i've found the one..
BUt then, as days pass,
As time passes,
As the conversation goes on.
Things get worst.
I tell myself.
Be strong and don't show..
Deep inside, it hurts.
YOu might say you have been hurt.
You might say you know how it is to be hurt.
You might say my hurt is small.
BUt i can tell you.
You are wrong.
Don't think you are all big,
i'm not saying i am.
BUt just becareful of what you say.
If you are asking for peoples sympathy so you're saying that.
You're wrong, people only look down on you.

Here i am, standing with my heart broken.
I hold it in my hands,
It's broken and shatterd,
it was throwed back at me.
It fell on the floor and shattered.
I picked it up piece by piece, and mend it.
But there you are, taking it away and throwin it back to me.
YOu now ask for it,
Do i dare to give it to you again?
I want to.
YOu are telling me that you won't do it again.
But i am afraid,
to give it to you.
B'cz this little heart of mine can't be mend anymore.

I stand here in front of you,
following right behind you,
never i got a chance to walk in front of you,
because you always push me to the back.
Everybody is asking me to go away.
Everybody is telling me to leave before i suffer.
But i smile and hide.

Just because you told me who i am and what i stand,
it doesn't mean you are BIG.
like you always want to be.
THE BIG ONE..
i can never have my rights.
i can never talk.

i'm suffering.
you know why?
cz it's the same at home..

You say things without knowing that you hurt me.
What do you expect me to say??
[excuse me? i'm hurt?]
No!. i don't go around saying that.
i kept it in me.
again and again.
hoping that you'll change.
but yet again you din.
Not just that.
i break down and cry, do you know??

Let me ask you,
How weak is my body?
Don't think you are strong.
Don't go around saying your words can kill.
Cause ppl would just say you are boasting.

Do whatever you want.
Cz i'm hiding my feelings from you.
As it would be hopeless to tell you.
It'll just hurt more.

Loving someone yet you can't be with that someone hurts the most...
And i don't think you will understand..

.What's happening.

A question i always ask myself...

.I'm back.

well, i'm back from penang. and wow..i can say..i rather prefer trips like this than those family plans where u have to wait for your dad to finish using the toilet and then u have to wait fro ur mom to 'do her things' and then after going to a place they wanna go back and 'take a rest' which takes hours...*waste my time*

anyway, wanted to go to penang hill, but then there wasn't time, so we went to kek lok si..*suppose to* but ended up going up and up and up..all the way up the hill and when we got down the car..OMG...whole penang just there..^^..i din bring my cable back here..if not i'll post the pictures here..haihz..so sad...T___T

Last night, we watch 'I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry' a.g.a.i.n. haha.. well, they haven't watch, and i missed the beginning, so why not watch??^^..and by the time we finish was like 2 in the morning, then me and kLoong ended staying in Jang's place, so we followed his car....then we only realize that he stays in Sungai petani--Kedah...yea...the drive was 1 hour..poor kLoong dead tired and still had to drive there, but it was better then having no place to stay..haha.. he feel asleep straight..haha..he was with jang in a room and i took jang's sisters room.. i fell asleep after bathing too and then woke up 12 in the morning -- jang called me up for lunch..haha..and realized that they all just woke up too..and what was shocking was that jang somemore watch anime till 6 in the morning...O____o??wow..all that energy..haha...

I ate Muar Chee...*carol..buahahaha..i ate the one at gurney..haha..u want?=p*
I ate laksa- the one at air hitam [my mom was like 'OMG! i want!!'=.='']
haha... so, my first trip is to penang..amazing how my mom just says ok..still shocked...^^

tomorrw, going out with jin Moon..omg..miss her so much..hope she won't get lost on the way to my house..haha...ok..i think i gotta go..don't know what i'm writing anymore..^^

爱他,又不能爱他.
想他,又觉得痛苦.

我还可以为他做些什么? 当初我遇见他时,我对他有好感.后来, 我们慢慢的接近,慢慢的了解大家.但是, 由于了解得太深,而搞出了吵架.人人看到我,就觉得我是个只会玩人的女孩,永远不会是认真的. 但是谁最清楚是我们.

知不知道爱一个人,又不能和他一起是多么的辛苦吗? 尤其是当你找到'那一个'的时候. 我现在可以做什么?不是我不爱他,但是... 我们一起,辛苦会多过幸福. 你们得知从头到尾,每个人的性格和故事才真真的曾件事.

.morning out.

wow..fantastic. my mom actually let me out early in the morning. Not just that, with kLoong. wahahahaha...it's really weird how my mom is actually letting me go out with kLoong, ok, i admit, it's ridikulus for her not to. i mean, she knows my whole bunch of uni friends are guys and i' always following her car..hey! at least i'm happy..^^

So, i woke up at 8 in the morning. haha..and i got ready and so on. kLoong came at 8.45 or so, then we went. He came with breakfast. haha..cz of my mom.then my mom wanted to pay, but kLoong say nvm and he won't even accept, he say go penang i belanja him.haha..so my mom was like...speechless...haha...

So, today, went to shen jai high school, First time i've been there and it's just...er....hmm...sunny but windy..different from my school. it was much quiter. well, it was exam time.. Mayb it would be different without exam..well, amc is always amc and it's different. i mean, this is a co-ed private schools, disipline are different too..With everyone wearing white..i mean for the guys, it's white top, white pants, white shoes and all white..it's different. girls, white top with navy skirt..i mean...compare to a co-ed school like samtet form 6 or let's say those in kl. it's different. mayb it's cz the guys are wearing white pants which makes the school look so white...haha...^^

After long talk, kLoong brought me round the school. hahaha... After that, we went to eat at town. i Don't know where. haha..i ate pan mee.. haha..first time i'm eating it outside, mayb it was cz i ate once at home and nvr liked it. that's why i din chose to eat that outside..^^ but at least, it's something different..^^

then we went to parade..a.g.a.i.n...well, you can't blame ipoh. there's only like jj and parade for you to walk..haha..where else can you go?? so, then after long walk round and round, we went back.

We saw many gundam modals and dvd and vcd..haha...the weird thing is that, the both of us are not into gundam..but why are we even still comparing prices and going round looking for them where the gundam fans are edmond, Sean, my bro and...haha...i don't rmb..^^

so, here i am, as soon as i came home, it started to rain..^^..i'm going penang tomorrow..so mayb i won't be able to online until i come back.^^

.hate.

I HATE HER...this is not new, but still...I HATE HER!!! don't like don't like don't like!!! Old fashion not understanding people! back-stabber and a big fat liar!!!! hate her so much..b****..
bloddy gory hell.. i hate it..!!..reli wanna f the shit out of it..ish ish ish..hate her being sarcastic and all that shit...

why can't she grow up and learn the fact that it's the 21st century now..geez...

.first time.

This is the first time that anyone has brought me out like how kLoong did. After i had a fight with her, i needed to get out, so after kLoong finish his work. he came all the way from menglembu to bercham to pick me up. it's like from desaria going all the way to kj just to pick me up. Then we decided to go to jj, but then there was a jam and after turning round and round, still can't find a parking so, decided to go parade, on the way, went to laservoom and bought some cd then only went to parade, and after like rounds, we found a parking space, then again we went round parade chatting and talking. after like an hour half of walking, he decided to bring me to yik foong cz i haven't been there before. So, went there, and then parked outside the market, on the way out, it was raining, so we sat at kopitiam and chatted again. [we've been talking non-stop].haha...so then after about another hour and more, we decided not to wait and leave. So, now, i just bathed and i'm here.

This is the first time anyone has ever brought me here and there. haha..i feel so useless, i don't even know all the nice places back here in IPoh. and i am suppose to be an ipoh citizen..T_____T..
he's so great, he knows so many things. Unlike me, being controlled...geez..haihz...and today was the first time i told my mom face to face 'mom! i'm going out with kevin late!' then she was like who??? then i was like 'My college classmate' and she actually said ok...wow..at least that is smth that has changed a bit...
Now, i hope that they can confirm that i can go to penang this wednesday, if not i will be stuck and dead..my dad said ask my mom, my mom said ok..but i still need to confirm..don't want hopes and get disappointed again...
haihz..
i do hope my parents let me go out at night..then i can go eat all ipoh food with kLoong, there's so many things i'm missing here in Ipoh...geez...haihz..sobs..i wanna cry...T_________T...

.it's been a long time.

it's been a while since i've argued with anyone.. or mayb even got mad this badly that i wish i could run into the rain and just run and run.. let the rain rush thru my face and body and wash away all my problems..

i fought with my mom..might be thinking 'not another time??'..but this is just different. i know the truth and i have to pretend that i don't know. she scolds me like i'm in some school [if you know what i mean] she accuse me and say she's not accusing me..=_____=..
she went berserk and kept yelling, accusing me four times, do u think i won't be mad? then she ask why i get mad..excuse me? it's not that i am not tolerating with her ok? it's just that everyone has limits and she has gone way beyond that...
geez..

kLoong mentioned that he has never come across anyone like me before..haihz..

what do you feel when the people you hope doesn't understand you? they start to ruin your life. I was here standing at the edge of the cliff, cornered with demons and monsters. I was attacked and i was pushed. I held on and now i am clinging on the edge on the mountain. thousand and millions trillions zillions miles above. Am i going to fall? Here i am holding on and trying to swing myself back up. But i have swing up myself, pull myself back up for so many times. I am here because i took the risk jumping across from mountain to mountain. And here i am facing demons and monsters once i jumped here and i have to fight against it. But, what happens, when someone you trust hoping to help you jumps on top the rocks and pushing you down and down. Making you weaker and weaker.
PLease help me. I don't know how long i can go on. There is another smaller path i could jump down and go into the cave. But do i? I'm still clinging on hoping for some guidance. I'm so confused. I don't know what i am doing is right anymore. Love can't cure everything. It's the heart. And my heart, consist everyone in this world..
Will it effect me? I'm confuse and weak for my future is blur...

.Being Emo is not Me.

I really do not know what to do anymore. I also do not know why i am being emo. My heart is hurting. I need to know why. I need to know. I know i'm lucky to be here today, cz i may be somewhere else in the world. But if i was real like how they wish [i hope] shouldn't i be treated another way? i know i have no rights to ask for more bcz it's not my way. I just wished i could crawl to someone and cry.

My boyfriend and i are again having some trouble and i do hope that things will work out well..

i don't want to be emo..

.so not fair.

This is so unfair, i hate this. There's so many things i can't do, or say. Yea, my bunch of friends are guys and not a single girl i hang out with, anybody has a problem with that????geez.. it just makes me so mad when people go around saying 'you know a? ai ling has no girl friends, and she hangs out with over ten guys!' wth? so what?

Yea, i admit that i have difficulties chatting and getting close with girls. What the heck u want me to do? Go see a doctor and see if he/she can help me a? or stick a sign on my back written 'I want girl friends!' or 'Girls, talk to me, i'm desperate!'..shit la..haven't u heard the latest news? Girls closest friends are guys, and that guy is not her boyfriend or husband, is her bestfriend! please la.. this is the 21st century already, you want to live in you own, go ahead but leave me alone!!!

what can i do? here i am trying to be myself and stop faking it but i can't when i am infront of u! years and years i'm trying to be me, to be my best of what i can, but you just can't accept the fact of who i am and i turn into a bad person or rude person in your mind. that will never change, won't it? I have things to do and you just come and ask me to help you, and when i can't, you go berserk and say all this years you've helped me and all that shit and i can't even give you a help.

You know what's deep inside? i feel threatened. and i hate you! you treat me like i'm being picked up and i must give something whenever you want. i'm just tired. ok? tired of this. i can't wait for the day i can make my own decision!!!

.my hair.

my hair is short and when i meant short i meant reli reli reli short..and carol..i don't think i've seen u this short before..
it's short enough to scrunch it and even spike if it was lil shorter few cm..haha...
i am now in the category of 'SHORT HAIR'!!!!..=]

for those who has seen my hair..pls write a small comment about my hair..so that my darling sister would know how it is and she won't freak out when she sees it..hahahaha...

.new look.

i'm really very sorry that i have not been blogging recently, this was because my laptop ain't working well, internet is bad and there's so many things to do and so on.
Monday and Tuesday i have both presentation. and then today, wednesday, me and kevin went to berjaya time square to cut our hair..OMG..really, seriously, it is just so not the me i was. it's a new look. haha..i have to wax and kinda spike it..haha..if not it'll look flat..=]
i'll post up pictures soon, but not now..hehez..^^

tomorrow i have design studies, but i'm going for lfe drawing, cz there's a test, and on fri i won't be here anymore.^^. so i'll just take it tomorrow, then i don't have to drag my assignments or pile them up. i'm leaving at friday early morning. one week in ipoh..=.=..what to do??

.f***ed up*

what a day man.it's 5 in the morning and i still wanna blog..the reason? i'm trying to stay awake..but i'm so dead tired..i'm having gastric.so i'm eating maggie..^^..the mini ones...haha..i just came back from kevin's unit.haha..so many work. so many stress, so many stupid virus..haihz..i don't wanna tell now..tired le..

.OMG it's so cute.

i was looking thru in U-tube and i saw this. it's so cute...OMG...=]

you're way to beautiful girl...by sean kingston...

.I am Home.

i am back at home here. Using my desktop, it's way faster than my laptop even though it's slow, but still.. Using this new keyboard i've bought for my whole family to use because the one before wasn't so sensitive. hmm... i want to get my new laptop, i want to get a tablet, i wanted a notebook fan cooler and now i have one. since when do i even bother of all this gadgets? OMG... i just love them and i want to have them... haihz...

i'm having a serious tummy pain...damn the p*****...damn damn damn damn...of all days, of all times,, stupid thing ruin the mood between sayang and me. haihz..it hurts..T__________T
i want the week to pass faster..

tonight later is ah theck's wedding before night buffet.. tomorrow will be the wedding. Hope i'll be able to get some pictures..=]

*carol: i can't get into msn, sorry, but mom asked me to ask u to confirm your flight seats..faster get it done b4 she annoys the shit out of me..^^,,you know how i can't stand it..=]

.a full thursday.

today, my alarm rang at 7. i off it. haha..cz sayang was driving over and picking me up. but as usual, my fat a** just wouldn't get up, so i was sleeping like a fat pig..^^

Then, sayang called and said he was coming up, but then, after hanging uo, i continue sleeping. haha..then, i got up to open the door, then, on the way, heard sayang open. So blur..my eyes could hardly open..sayang stood there.then i went back to bed.haha...took an hour for sayang to drag me out of bed..^^

class was as usual, then cz normally bryan and jang has been fetching us out, so for a change to day sayang drove. went to SK to eat sushi. And then me and sayang walked, i bought green eye-linear..^^...
wanted to buy shoes, but, it's on waiting list, then couldn't find a dress, so instead, i went looking for the white pumps/heels i've been searching for.
after dropping bryan,jang and edwin back, we went to ioi, but..the movie was..nothing was there, so we din watch. then we went to sunway, and we watched 'I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry' ^^...gay..haha...nice...if you haven't watch it and you're above 18...go watch it..=]

i came back bout 8 and then i went straight to kevTan's unit and started cooking, half-way, kevLo came down and helped me..=]..after that, we ate..i asked kevL to take me stuff up later, then i'l go up. rush all the way down and met Shaun, had a lil chat with him, then went up and bath. straight came out and went to kevL's unit..haha... online...then watched 'huan huan ai'.

Work is getting smoother, but so far, things are ok..^^

.I'm so desperate.

omg...i want my new laptop..damn it la..how am i going to do my work without a laptop here? This is just like not having a laptop at all..borrowing from friends here and there...*sigh*..what to do???

my laptop is a....century year old laptop.. serious...the RAM is only 128MB. and the hard-disk is 26.99GB...geng le..everybody is like..wow..just throw it then..haihz..u think i am not wishing for it? geez...i'm reli waiting for end of the year. At least i'l have my new laptop then. haihz..and i'm a graphic student..what a shame...

*i'm sorry to all out there...

.thank you bryan.

here i wanna say thank u very much to bryan kong..^^..cz he helped me with my newsletter. and i feel very happy because i almost gave up. but luckily bryan helped me..

sorry to take ur time yea..^^..thank u very much...i owe u big one..

.Screw net.

i want to post up my pictures [newletter] where bryan did a big great job of it. but this network ain't letting me post it.
i posted on my xanga blog. www.xanga.com/cathy_lingz
please go and have a look at it and send comments on it..^^..
thanks bryan alot. and i was deciding to let it go and fail and don't care, but luckily bryan helped..alot..thank you. i reli appreciate it and i owe you big one.=]
i'll belanja u next time..hehez..^^

.no way in.

today, i'm like a big clumsy one..i 'lost' my keys and was jumping up and down. Until, i had to call shirley to open the door for me...and she was sleeping..i feel so bad..T_T..
Then when i reached my room, i dig through my whole bag and still couldn't find anything. Then i called bryan and ask him to help me check when he reach home. Then he called me later on and said he has my keys..^^..yippee...haha..
but for tonight..i can't do anything..i don't have a key...
so this is what i did...
amd i stuck it at the door..haha...

.staying awake.

ok, so the whole night i'm staying awake and i'm keeping this short. i've decided not to sleep for today, it's already 5 smth in the morning. anyway, i'm doing my report and i've finish 3 layout. gonna find the lecturer and see..

anyway, it's raining..and...haha.i don't know what to say..
sayang is asleep and i miss him..that's all..^^