So here i am, online at xian's place again..using her laptop..waiting for mine..haha..have to wait for chinese new year la. i just finished work at 6.30 and came here. i just can't wait for 1st when i get my salary and then i'll be leaving..they don't let me leave but I DON"T CARE!!!

how fucked up life can be? today is the 24th december..eve. but somehow, i feel like it's may. i'm home.stuck.withoutlife.
yea.it's 7.41 and it's dinner time. but to me. it's just like another ordinary day.
eve use to be the day i am looking forward to. it's the time me and her spent lots of time. going out. spending time at each others place [mostly her place]. sleepovers. and FUN.. over the years this friendship has grown and christmas was like a thing-to-do together.
we use to wrap up presents and give each other days before and then another present on the day.
we put up the christmas tree together. we count down and have fun.
but this year, it seems....................

.empty.

i got a job and i couldn't do things i like. and i hate it. and i'm going to quit. at first i was thinking to go to kl and work with carol. but i don't think she likes it. i don't blame her. it's not the first anyways. fuck if i get disappointed. i'm getting use to it soon anyway. at first i was quite happy if i can quit and get a job in kl. but then she was abit annoyed that i'm going to be there. well, so. what am i going to do in the whole month here?
nvm la. screw it la.
if i can't go kl. i must well suffer at work rather than home. so what the hell am i going to do?

i feel so bad, i don't know what to do to make myself better. maybe she might not notice me not there. maybe she has found someone to be happy with for christmas. somehow, i feel sorry and bad. i just wanna break down and hug my pillow tight.
every night, i hug my pillow tight hoping time would pass by faster. hoping for the day i get my life.

.ineedlife.

merry x'mas and a happy new year..

here am i seated in front of my desktop. scrolling through youtube and listening to songs. wishing i could play them. wishing i could get my own life. but here i am being half emo and all alone and this pain here. damn.

x'mas is like only a days away. why does it seems like may to me? it's x'mas eve now. but it seems like it's in the middle of may. as i sit here and think, tears start to flow. and the pain is something noone can take away. I was lost and alone. where am i now? i stand in the middle of the crowded street and i'm tired. seeing everyone doing things they like, and here i am. just not sure where to go. I see things i like and love but i don't see it anywhere near me at all. with people like them. who can live?

i'm sick and tired of all this games. christmas is suppose to be happy and cheerful. isn't it? i had my last christmas in New Zealand. this year. i'm having it....................i'm working full day. well, that's life right? damn fucked up...[sorry for being rude]

i just wish i could lie down and sleep and just leave....i'm tired...

wow..i just realized that i haven't been blogging recently.
i mean, well, there's no 24 hour unlimited internet at home..
and on the other hand, i'm busy working from ten to ten.
i need my sleep too..haha..
that's why i seldom online.

i'm just currently waiting for january to come. Not exactly 1st of january, but somewhere in january because that's when my supervisor is going to give birth. wohoo!!..then i'll be waiting for chinese new year...yea baby..^^...i get my new laptop..
wahahahahaha...can't wait for it...^^the image on the top is the new one. and the bottom is the old wan...
i can't wait for chinese new year..

another week has passed. every morning i wake up feeling the pain in my leg..ouch..but what can i do? twist twist, jump few times and off i go to work. wow..everyday i stand there, taking off clothes hangers for customers, then when they don't want, hanging them back. then if they need new stock, have to be in the stoe room climbing up and down looking for it.
well, i'm not saying working is not good, it's just that, it's an experience. right?^^

i go to work early in the morning, i go home when is dark. i don't know if it's raining. i don't know if it's sunny, all i know it's dusty and there's just so many people coming in and out. I see different people with all kinds of attitude. i see little kids who are being ignored when their mom are buying clothes. I see teenagers girls being humiliated buying clothes. I see so many things which are hard to say.but right now i'm just waiting for this thursday, cz i'm santarina with agnes and ah hou. then i'll be waiting for christmas, then new year. then CHINESE NEW YEAR aunt coming from us with my new baby [lappie]. and then i'll be stopping work. then off to kl soon.
then i'll be in degree d. who knows what will be happening. who knows what friendship relationship of classmates i have?
well, all i know, i just can't wait for the holz to pass...

i'm at xianz place now,
she came back..^^
i was so shocked she called me that day..haha...
so tomorrow is my off day, i decided to stay at her place and we will be going out tomorrow. at least some fun with her to replace all the days and times i will not be here..cz i'm working.T___T..sorry gal...hehez...=]

Ah Lek was asked to make a sentence using 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.
Not only did he do it 1 to 10, he did it again from 10 back to 1. This is what he came up with.....

1 day I go 2 climb a 3 outside a house to peep. But the couple saw me, so I panic and 4 down. The man rushed out and wanted to 5 with me.. I ran until I fell 6 and threw up. So I go into 7 -eleven and grabbed some 8 to throw at him. Then I took a 9 and try to stab at him. 10 God he run away.

10 I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7-eleven. Next day I called my
boss and told him I was 6 . He said 5 , tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work.
He also asked me to go climb a 3 and jump down.. I don't understand. I am so nice 2 him but I don't know what he 1.

i dun see a problem watching movie alone..
i went to watch enchanted alone yesterday...
nice movie..
haha..
all being the princess and so...lovely..^^

-i'm still living in my fantasy-

what happens when metal falls on human body a.k.a flesh/meat?
and..
what happens on the other hand if human body a.k.a flesh/meat falls on metal??

u can try falling down the escalator..
i did..
i fell down the escalator today on the way to work. cz i was rushing...imagine..
OUCH...

imagine a human body whole weight just fall..right on metal..
ouch.my leg is all swollen and red..
even when i stand..i feel the swell..haihz...
such a clumsy person i am...=[

what to do???right now, the wound is SOOOOooo much different than others..normally cuts are small and light and it's red...and pink...
now it's likie..black and maroon and blood red...
ouchies...imagine how deep the cut is...

UGH....

-i'm in pain-

today, i went to jj. i had my day off. Mom dopped me off at jj at 2.[she was late as usual]. so alexis had to wait a while. sorry gal. i did not expect to see her brother there [dun remember his name]. haha..cute lil one there..ate mcD and just walked around and played in the arcade too. after they left. i went to watch enchanted. don't ask with who. i went alone. it was fun. i watched it without interuption. i can leave whenever i want. then when i was finished. i walked, see clothes. bought bra..they were kinda attractive too.
i was doing stuff i don't have to care what other people think. maybe i'm just an akward girl who doesn't care bout anything? I feel so uncomfortable going out with 'friends'. meaning people who i ask to go out with a crowd. they tend to to be together and walk together and ignore you. and honestly, i feel like a dog. and then nomatter i sit, stand, walk, talk, laugh or whatever. they will crowd up together and start whispering..i am like 'would you guys just stop and fuck off?' it's really pissing me off and making me mad. it's not just making me emo ok? you wanna blab..go ahead! then you shouldn't have asked me to follow along..i rather go out alone and say hi to you when i bum into you and go along my way. then i dun have to see you guys that long..

-i am alone. you got a problem with that?-

omg..i seriously can'tw ait for the second week to pass by...and then another more week..and then chinese new year...wakakaka...then i get my macbookpro...
buahahahahah...
i'm so looking forward to it...^^

i'm bored..
been working everyday..
standing the whole day..
my nerves and joints of my feet are seriously gonna break into pieces..

and..
i'm getting...FAT....
omg..
i seriously just can't believe that i'm f.a.t...
getting obese....T_T

carol's birthday suprise was a sucess!!!wohooo^^..
i just love it when she screams..haha..
especially when she saw unexpected friends..
hehez..

but too bad many people can't come too. because it's kinda hard as most of them are overseas..
but carol....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY....^^

hope you have a lovely birthday..

i love you.