how fucked up life can be? today is the 24th december..eve. but somehow, i feel like it's may. i'm home.stuck.withoutlife.
yea.it's 7.41 and it's dinner time. but to me. it's just like another ordinary day.
eve use to be the day i am looking forward to. it's the time me and her spent lots of time. going out. spending time at each others place [mostly her place]. sleepovers. and FUN.. over the years this friendship has grown and christmas was like a thing-to-do together.
we use to wrap up presents and give each other days before and then another present on the day.
we put up the christmas tree together. we count down and have fun.
but this year, it seems....................

.empty.

i got a job and i couldn't do things i like. and i hate it. and i'm going to quit. at first i was thinking to go to kl and work with carol. but i don't think she likes it. i don't blame her. it's not the first anyways. fuck if i get disappointed. i'm getting use to it soon anyway. at first i was quite happy if i can quit and get a job in kl. but then she was abit annoyed that i'm going to be there. well, so. what am i going to do in the whole month here?
nvm la. screw it la.
if i can't go kl. i must well suffer at work rather than home. so what the hell am i going to do?

i feel so bad, i don't know what to do to make myself better. maybe she might not notice me not there. maybe she has found someone to be happy with for christmas. somehow, i feel sorry and bad. i just wanna break down and hug my pillow tight.
every night, i hug my pillow tight hoping time would pass by faster. hoping for the day i get my life.

.ineedlife.