here am i seated in front of my desktop. scrolling through youtube and listening to songs. wishing i could play them. wishing i could get my own life. but here i am being half emo and all alone and this pain here. damn.

x'mas is like only a days away. why does it seems like may to me? it's x'mas eve now. but it seems like it's in the middle of may. as i sit here and think, tears start to flow. and the pain is something noone can take away. I was lost and alone. where am i now? i stand in the middle of the crowded street and i'm tired. seeing everyone doing things they like, and here i am. just not sure where to go. I see things i like and love but i don't see it anywhere near me at all. with people like them. who can live?

i'm sick and tired of all this games. christmas is suppose to be happy and cheerful. isn't it? i had my last christmas in New Zealand. this year. i'm having it....................i'm working full day. well, that's life right? damn fucked up...[sorry for being rude]

i just wish i could lie down and sleep and just leave....i'm tired...