I'm home in ipoh. and i just got off the phone with hubby. and..
i hate this feeling right now. i hate this feeling here. The feeling of guilt. and the hate of myself.
i went over the board and forgot who i was. Who i am to be. and what i was doing. i screwed up my job and i just aimless not knowing when my class is. or whether it is cancelled or not.
Maybe you were always right. shouldn't be blaming everyone else for what's happening, but myself.
For example: i shouldn't be angry and pissed at the uni as it's my fault for staying so far and being so unconvinient.
It's my fault that i didn't organize things well and everything is so messed up.
It's my fault for not arranging my time properly until it's all screwed up and my time is so messed up.
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my heart wrench when i get lost in thought about how life would be next year. I just feel as though the whole world is coming down on me. Though i know our love will never fall even when hell freezes over. It all leaves to the hand of faith. But i know something, me leaving would be as if i'm walking away from this call our relationship. As we all know, you never believed in LDR's. and you never believe our words. Maybe as they always broke the promise. But i will keep to mine. To show you that in this very world, there is some girl existing that keeps her promise.
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Though i asked myself before, is it wrong for me to hate someone? Is it wrong to hate my family? was it my fault i lived in a fucked up family where all i always have to do is put a smile on my face, crack up stories and make them feel my life is oh-so-perfect?
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