.first time.

This is the first time that anyone has brought me out like how kLoong did. After i had a fight with her, i needed to get out, so after kLoong finish his work. he came all the way from menglembu to bercham to pick me up. it's like from desaria going all the way to kj just to pick me up. Then we decided to go to jj, but then there was a jam and after turning round and round, still can't find a parking so, decided to go parade, on the way, went to laservoom and bought some cd then only went to parade, and after like rounds, we found a parking space, then again we went round parade chatting and talking. after like an hour half of walking, he decided to bring me to yik foong cz i haven't been there before. So, went there, and then parked outside the market, on the way out, it was raining, so we sat at kopitiam and chatted again. [we've been talking non-stop].haha...so then after about another hour and more, we decided not to wait and leave. So, now, i just bathed and i'm here.

This is the first time anyone has ever brought me here and there. haha..i feel so useless, i don't even know all the nice places back here in IPoh. and i am suppose to be an ipoh citizen..T_____T..
he's so great, he knows so many things. Unlike me, being controlled...geez..haihz...and today was the first time i told my mom face to face 'mom! i'm going out with kevin late!' then she was like who??? then i was like 'My college classmate' and she actually said ok...wow..at least that is smth that has changed a bit...
Now, i hope that they can confirm that i can go to penang this wednesday, if not i will be stuck and dead..my dad said ask my mom, my mom said ok..but i still need to confirm..don't want hopes and get disappointed again...
haihz..
i do hope my parents let me go out at night..then i can go eat all ipoh food with kLoong, there's so many things i'm missing here in Ipoh...geez...haihz..sobs..i wanna cry...T_________T...

.it's been a long time.

it's been a while since i've argued with anyone.. or mayb even got mad this badly that i wish i could run into the rain and just run and run.. let the rain rush thru my face and body and wash away all my problems..

i fought with my mom..might be thinking 'not another time??'..but this is just different. i know the truth and i have to pretend that i don't know. she scolds me like i'm in some school [if you know what i mean] she accuse me and say she's not accusing me..=_____=..
she went berserk and kept yelling, accusing me four times, do u think i won't be mad? then she ask why i get mad..excuse me? it's not that i am not tolerating with her ok? it's just that everyone has limits and she has gone way beyond that...
geez..

kLoong mentioned that he has never come across anyone like me before..haihz..

what do you feel when the people you hope doesn't understand you? they start to ruin your life. I was here standing at the edge of the cliff, cornered with demons and monsters. I was attacked and i was pushed. I held on and now i am clinging on the edge on the mountain. thousand and millions trillions zillions miles above. Am i going to fall? Here i am holding on and trying to swing myself back up. But i have swing up myself, pull myself back up for so many times. I am here because i took the risk jumping across from mountain to mountain. And here i am facing demons and monsters once i jumped here and i have to fight against it. But, what happens, when someone you trust hoping to help you jumps on top the rocks and pushing you down and down. Making you weaker and weaker.
PLease help me. I don't know how long i can go on. There is another smaller path i could jump down and go into the cave. But do i? I'm still clinging on hoping for some guidance. I'm so confused. I don't know what i am doing is right anymore. Love can't cure everything. It's the heart. And my heart, consist everyone in this world..
Will it effect me? I'm confuse and weak for my future is blur...

.Being Emo is not Me.

I really do not know what to do anymore. I also do not know why i am being emo. My heart is hurting. I need to know why. I need to know. I know i'm lucky to be here today, cz i may be somewhere else in the world. But if i was real like how they wish [i hope] shouldn't i be treated another way? i know i have no rights to ask for more bcz it's not my way. I just wished i could crawl to someone and cry.

My boyfriend and i are again having some trouble and i do hope that things will work out well..

i don't want to be emo..

.so not fair.

This is so unfair, i hate this. There's so many things i can't do, or say. Yea, my bunch of friends are guys and not a single girl i hang out with, anybody has a problem with that????geez.. it just makes me so mad when people go around saying 'you know a? ai ling has no girl friends, and she hangs out with over ten guys!' wth? so what?

Yea, i admit that i have difficulties chatting and getting close with girls. What the heck u want me to do? Go see a doctor and see if he/she can help me a? or stick a sign on my back written 'I want girl friends!' or 'Girls, talk to me, i'm desperate!'..shit la..haven't u heard the latest news? Girls closest friends are guys, and that guy is not her boyfriend or husband, is her bestfriend! please la.. this is the 21st century already, you want to live in you own, go ahead but leave me alone!!!

what can i do? here i am trying to be myself and stop faking it but i can't when i am infront of u! years and years i'm trying to be me, to be my best of what i can, but you just can't accept the fact of who i am and i turn into a bad person or rude person in your mind. that will never change, won't it? I have things to do and you just come and ask me to help you, and when i can't, you go berserk and say all this years you've helped me and all that shit and i can't even give you a help.

You know what's deep inside? i feel threatened. and i hate you! you treat me like i'm being picked up and i must give something whenever you want. i'm just tired. ok? tired of this. i can't wait for the day i can make my own decision!!!

.my hair.

my hair is short and when i meant short i meant reli reli reli short..and carol..i don't think i've seen u this short before..
it's short enough to scrunch it and even spike if it was lil shorter few cm..haha...
i am now in the category of 'SHORT HAIR'!!!!..=]

for those who has seen my hair..pls write a small comment about my hair..so that my darling sister would know how it is and she won't freak out when she sees it..hahahaha...

.new look.

i'm really very sorry that i have not been blogging recently, this was because my laptop ain't working well, internet is bad and there's so many things to do and so on.
Monday and Tuesday i have both presentation. and then today, wednesday, me and kevin went to berjaya time square to cut our hair..OMG..really, seriously, it is just so not the me i was. it's a new look. haha..i have to wax and kinda spike it..haha..if not it'll look flat..=]
i'll post up pictures soon, but not now..hehez..^^

tomorrow i have design studies, but i'm going for lfe drawing, cz there's a test, and on fri i won't be here anymore.^^. so i'll just take it tomorrow, then i don't have to drag my assignments or pile them up. i'm leaving at friday early morning. one week in ipoh..=.=..what to do??

.f***ed up*

what a day man.it's 5 in the morning and i still wanna blog..the reason? i'm trying to stay awake..but i'm so dead tired..i'm having gastric.so i'm eating maggie..^^..the mini ones...haha..i just came back from kevin's unit.haha..so many work. so many stress, so many stupid virus..haihz..i don't wanna tell now..tired le..

.OMG it's so cute.

i was looking thru in U-tube and i saw this. it's so cute...OMG...=]

you're way to beautiful girl...by sean kingston...

.I am Home.

i am back at home here. Using my desktop, it's way faster than my laptop even though it's slow, but still.. Using this new keyboard i've bought for my whole family to use because the one before wasn't so sensitive. hmm... i want to get my new laptop, i want to get a tablet, i wanted a notebook fan cooler and now i have one. since when do i even bother of all this gadgets? OMG... i just love them and i want to have them... haihz...

i'm having a serious tummy pain...damn the p*****...damn damn damn damn...of all days, of all times,, stupid thing ruin the mood between sayang and me. haihz..it hurts..T__________T
i want the week to pass faster..

tonight later is ah theck's wedding before night buffet.. tomorrow will be the wedding. Hope i'll be able to get some pictures..=]

*carol: i can't get into msn, sorry, but mom asked me to ask u to confirm your flight seats..faster get it done b4 she annoys the shit out of me..^^,,you know how i can't stand it..=]

.a full thursday.

today, my alarm rang at 7. i off it. haha..cz sayang was driving over and picking me up. but as usual, my fat a** just wouldn't get up, so i was sleeping like a fat pig..^^

Then, sayang called and said he was coming up, but then, after hanging uo, i continue sleeping. haha..then, i got up to open the door, then, on the way, heard sayang open. So blur..my eyes could hardly open..sayang stood there.then i went back to bed.haha...took an hour for sayang to drag me out of bed..^^

class was as usual, then cz normally bryan and jang has been fetching us out, so for a change to day sayang drove. went to SK to eat sushi. And then me and sayang walked, i bought green eye-linear..^^...
wanted to buy shoes, but, it's on waiting list, then couldn't find a dress, so instead, i went looking for the white pumps/heels i've been searching for.
after dropping bryan,jang and edwin back, we went to ioi, but..the movie was..nothing was there, so we din watch. then we went to sunway, and we watched 'I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry' ^^...gay..haha...nice...if you haven't watch it and you're above 18...go watch it..=]

i came back bout 8 and then i went straight to kevTan's unit and started cooking, half-way, kevLo came down and helped me..=]..after that, we ate..i asked kevL to take me stuff up later, then i'l go up. rush all the way down and met Shaun, had a lil chat with him, then went up and bath. straight came out and went to kevL's unit..haha... online...then watched 'huan huan ai'.

Work is getting smoother, but so far, things are ok..^^

.I'm so desperate.

omg...i want my new laptop..damn it la..how am i going to do my work without a laptop here? This is just like not having a laptop at all..borrowing from friends here and there...*sigh*..what to do???

my laptop is a....century year old laptop.. serious...the RAM is only 128MB. and the hard-disk is 26.99GB...geng le..everybody is like..wow..just throw it then..haihz..u think i am not wishing for it? geez...i'm reli waiting for end of the year. At least i'l have my new laptop then. haihz..and i'm a graphic student..what a shame...

*i'm sorry to all out there...

.thank you bryan.

here i wanna say thank u very much to bryan kong..^^..cz he helped me with my newsletter. and i feel very happy because i almost gave up. but luckily bryan helped me..

sorry to take ur time yea..^^..thank u very much...i owe u big one..

.Screw net.

i want to post up my pictures [newletter] where bryan did a big great job of it. but this network ain't letting me post it.
i posted on my xanga blog. www.xanga.com/cathy_lingz
please go and have a look at it and send comments on it..^^..
thanks bryan alot. and i was deciding to let it go and fail and don't care, but luckily bryan helped..alot..thank you. i reli appreciate it and i owe you big one.=]
i'll belanja u next time..hehez..^^

.no way in.

today, i'm like a big clumsy one..i 'lost' my keys and was jumping up and down. Until, i had to call shirley to open the door for me...and she was sleeping..i feel so bad..T_T..
Then when i reached my room, i dig through my whole bag and still couldn't find anything. Then i called bryan and ask him to help me check when he reach home. Then he called me later on and said he has my keys..^^..yippee...haha..
but for tonight..i can't do anything..i don't have a key...
so this is what i did...
amd i stuck it at the door..haha...

.staying awake.

ok, so the whole night i'm staying awake and i'm keeping this short. i've decided not to sleep for today, it's already 5 smth in the morning. anyway, i'm doing my report and i've finish 3 layout. gonna find the lecturer and see..

anyway, it's raining..and...haha.i don't know what to say..
sayang is asleep and i miss him..that's all..^^