.so not fair.

This is so unfair, i hate this. There's so many things i can't do, or say. Yea, my bunch of friends are guys and not a single girl i hang out with, anybody has a problem with that????geez.. it just makes me so mad when people go around saying 'you know a? ai ling has no girl friends, and she hangs out with over ten guys!' wth? so what?

Yea, i admit that i have difficulties chatting and getting close with girls. What the heck u want me to do? Go see a doctor and see if he/she can help me a? or stick a sign on my back written 'I want girl friends!' or 'Girls, talk to me, i'm desperate!'..shit la..haven't u heard the latest news? Girls closest friends are guys, and that guy is not her boyfriend or husband, is her bestfriend! please la.. this is the 21st century already, you want to live in you own, go ahead but leave me alone!!!

what can i do? here i am trying to be myself and stop faking it but i can't when i am infront of u! years and years i'm trying to be me, to be my best of what i can, but you just can't accept the fact of who i am and i turn into a bad person or rude person in your mind. that will never change, won't it? I have things to do and you just come and ask me to help you, and when i can't, you go berserk and say all this years you've helped me and all that shit and i can't even give you a help.

You know what's deep inside? i feel threatened. and i hate you! you treat me like i'm being picked up and i must give something whenever you want. i'm just tired. ok? tired of this. i can't wait for the day i can make my own decision!!!