it;s been a while

it's been a while since i came online.
right now, i can't go online everyday 24 hours like i am in kl..
i have nothing to do...
i passed my undang the second time with a score of 44/50..[is that bad?]
my baby passed with 48/50..[CONGRaTULATiONs]

for the pass four days, i have been helping my brother with his project. stupid project have to hand in today. I had to do all the typing a! he le? play dota only..what the heck?? screw him la.

today, i went to parade with mom, and bought two pair of heals..=]...they are so beautiful..i love heals..wanted to buy some shirt but my mom was around. she'll screw me. went bra-shopping....carol!!where are you??let's go shopping!!!

Here are some random pic's..

That's me and stitches...


That's my brother..we were in kopitiam..haha...



me just searching for food in the 'peti sejuk'..haha..
i miss it...

hmmm...

Hmmm... i all of sudden just realized that i am being ignored..
*sigh*.why d people start talking bad if i get emo or jus unhappy?everybody is like ''You have everything and what you want, why are you making a small fuss??''
yada yada yada...
haihz...dunno la..maybe, and just maybe.

My best friend, what happen? I really don't know, i'm sorry if i offended her, but just that. I feel that..i am ignored..and maybe, just maybe, I am nothing but just some friend whom you saw at the mall and smile and say hi then you walk off. And just maybe, i don't deserve a rfiend like that.

I am back in ipoh, and i have been getting emo lately. Once or twice i went out with friend. But somehow, there just seem to be a gap between us.

So what does a bestfriend means? I don't have someone whom i can talk crazily about guys. I don't have someone who can go hyper and craz together. I don't have a girlfriend. Whom, i can spend my time with. I can't sing happily and just laugh with a girlfriend. I can't just spnd slepover time with her. Sometimes i thought she was the one. BUt then, now i realized, i am not that close with her, we may laugh and go crazy, but it only last for a few days.

I always envy my sister who has so many close friends. Me? I can't even bring one home. What more o have some friend t spend time with. The only person i spend time wih is, my boyfriend in kl. but that was in kl. I got n one to talk to about him. Recently, things have not been going so well, and, i just can talk to nobody.

I cam online, thinking mayb i could find her and cher myself up, but, she gave me the cold tone like she did not want to talk to me.

I'm really sorry if i did anything that offended you, and i'm sorry.

sorry..

Sorry or the emo blog just now.
dunno why lately i'm been so down and emo...
haihz...
reli sorry..

*sigh*

Minute by minute i sit here and think. What is happening? why is this happening?
Tears is falling down my cheek. Why is this? Can someone please tell me?
My heart hurt. Why? Baby, why is this happening to me?
I don't want, i want to see you smile like last time.
Sometimes, my vision goes blur and my face wet. Why?
I don't know what to say. Everytime i open my mouth, i am afraid that it would happen again.
Is there something i did wrong? What is it?
Please tell me.

Again and again i tell myself, i find the facts that i am wrong, but why am i still feeling so emo and sad?
I miss you, i want to see you. I want to hug you, I want to sleep on your lap. I want you to smile at me and say i am cute.
I want you to look at me in the eye and tell me that you love me. I want to play guitar and sing song with you.
I want to cook maggie with you. I want to wake up in the morning, and kiss you on the cheek telling you that i am going off.
I want to watch tv with you. I want to play with you. I want to sleep in your arms and listen to you talk.
What happen to the days? We use to be so happy and lively. What happen to us?
Why must this happen? I don't want.

Now, i am all alone, in my room, every night, i sleep alone in my spacious room, with an empty bed next to me.
With snuffles and stitches, something seem to be missing. I miss the times we use to snatch for the space inside.
Now, i can sleep where i want. but it is so empty, I don't want this. I want you to be here.
In the middle of the night, i wake up, feeling so uncomfortable, i want you to hug me and tell me that everything is going to be fine.
In the morning i wake up, with a nightmare, all alone, my room so empty. My parents are not in, they are not free, my brother iin school.
I call up my friends, nobody is free. I go out, i go walk around in the shopping mall alone, tryin to get it off my mind,
But i can't, i miss holding your hands while going out. I miss walking round and round the same place with you.
So, i decided to buy and try on some clothes, but then, i miss you not holding my bag.
i miss you giving opinion on the clothes.
Then i go home, i miss using up the lift, getting ready my own key to open the door.
my maid opens the door and i force a smile, i miss you opening the door for me.
I go up the stairs, i miss going in the lift with you, I miss having fun with you in the lift.
I o in my room, i see my guitars on my sister's bed, and i play it, but, i miss playing with you. I miss you teaching me.
I miss you being impress and i miss you telling me i play and catch up better than you.
At night, i miss watching movie with you in your room, i miss you laughing at me and say me kesian cannot find a comfortable position.
I miss cleaning up your room, I miss wearing your shirt.
All in all, i realize how much i missed you...

*sigh*

Is it my fault? That I miss you so much that i miss you until i have no mood to do anything.
I miss you so much thai fuss over small things. I miss you so much that i don't want to talk to anyone else.
I miss you so much that it has made me change. Is it my fault? i'm sorry if it is. i'm sorry. i love you.
i really do. i miss you so much that i myself don't know what i am doing. I'm sorry, please forgive me.
i know that you don't like it. but i will try my best just keep it in me for two months. i'm sorry.
it's not your fault. I should have known that you were sleeping, and i should not ask for your atention so much since you are so far away.

i'm really sorry. i really love you.

late entry

14th June 2007

It has been a few days since i blogged... komenasai.. Didn't reli have time to do it.
Anyway, have to type in my laptop, and then, send to me pen-drive, then send it to my desktop and then only i can nline and post it.
*sigh* Today is Thursday and i don't think i will be going anywhere.

Monday, I went to the dental, she said i could not take it off that time, i still need to wear it for a month more.
So, i'll be taking it off on the 19th july. At least i dun have to wear it back to kl..

Tuesday, I went out with grandma, *whisper*[she gave me money...shhhh...], and grandpa was there too.
We went out for breakfast, satay and chicken hor fun. haha..Then, went home. At about one smth, mom dropped me off at amc [my secondory school]
wakakaka.....stood there like an idiot,
cz my friend was lost. No wait, it was more like. I lost my friend. Anywayz, we met also. Saw lotz of juniors and ppl i knew, but they all din know it was me..
*sad*..can't blame ler, i change my hair-style ma. Saw pn. low [my chinese teacher] aw...miss her much.
Then we went to music room, CHOIR!!!...
haha...they were all shocked and suprise..=]..suprises are great..
hehez...After that, went to parade, took cab there, it's cheap ma..So, went shopping alone. Met friends too...
but they all could not recognize me tooo...=[...T.T...

Wednesday, woke up at 8. Cause i was going to listen undang..omg...8.30 to 3.30..*sigh*..why so long??
stupid ler all these baka rulez...so, sat there and listen lo, at the beginning it was fine and ok. but when the second lecturer came in.
i fell asleep..O_______o.......komenasai...hehez...^^...but i just couldn't help it. i was too tired...haha....
Planning to take the test on saturday...hehez...pray that i pass ler..

i miss you

As I sit on my bed,
I begin to wander,
Off into my dreams,
And fantasy world.

The cold air outside,
Rushes through my window,
As if the air,
Running out into space.

I dreamed of you,
Day and night,
Badly wishing,
You to be here.

At times I think,
Are you the one?
At times I think,
Am I the one?

We know nothing,
About the future,
But yet promises were made,
What if we broke them?

I miss you,
And it’s true,
I always wonder,
Do you miss me?

The clock ticks,
And the time passes,
I often wonder,
About our future.

I lay on my bed,
late at night,
Wonder when,
the night would pass.

Two months is long,
For me and for you.
We both wish,
that time would pass by.

By then time will come,
And we become together,
Again for three months,
Then we would be apart.

10th june 2007 [sunday]

Today, woke up at 10…No wait…It was my mom who woke me up… she was like a morning chicken who would not shut up. Omg. I had to wake up. Slept in her room. Next to my dad, and ended up chatting with him and slept at one smth. Haha… Can’t blame my dad loving me can’t you? Hehez….

So, we didn’t go church cause the mass was at night. We went to breakfast instead, went to eat bah kut teh. Ipoh food… so long did not eat that already, haha.

Then came home, watch anime in my mom’s room. School rumble 2. I’m not done with that. Ish. Dunno when only I will finish it. omg… I still have other’s not done yet. Haha.Well, I have been keeping myself busy that I don’t have time to watch anime. Haha. My brother has been bugging me to buy gundam. And he has been complaining why did I not buy for him while I was in kl. I mean, at least tell me which edition he wants la. Haha.. oh shit, la he’s gonna ask me for his birthday present for the gundam modal thingy like he asked carol then my wallet go down drain liao..haha…

At night, we went to Stadium Indera Mulia, where the mass [praying session] was held. Weird right? You must be thinking why in the stadium right? Well, it is because, three churches are holding them together, that’s why they rented the stadium, well, for one night. Right? As usual matthew was the server, so me and my mom went, since my dad went for golf. Then I shuh yin and lay chian was also coming. So is Kim Fatt [my cousin] and their whole family, including Catherine, Nicholas and Stephanie and they brought ee-laine too..*jumps with joy*..

People could not recognize me, *sad*, I was like waving my hand until they saw. And they were like ‘eh?it’s ailing!’.. I was like..O_______o…..

The mass ended like after 2 hours. Then we went to eat loklok..haha..i ate 21 sticks…wakakaka…

Sunway [summer splash]

Yesterday, Sunway was fun. We did not go on the rides or anything, but we were at the surf beach [the only place we were allowed to go to]. Anyway, we left Desaria at 9.40 in the morning and reached Sunway pyramid about 10.02 in the morning. Kevin called jon, but he wasn’t there yet. So, we decided to just walk around. Then, ang met his friend, so we kinda waited for them to chat finish before we start walking around, then I saw jon, walking pass and holding his phone..[miss him so much].

Jon pretended not the know me, so I played along and pretended not to know him, but he disappointed me a bit, he did not mention anything about my hair at all. Omg.. haihz..not fair..he looked nice.. Nomatter in anyway, well, he is my boyfriend, so he look best to me anytime. But he did not say anything to me. Nothing at all..*sad*..

I merajuk and ask about my hair. He only said ‘’It was okay-lah’’. I was like..O______o…..okay only a??? But I did not say it out to him la. That was what was in my heart. That’s why at I was a little bit disappointment. I mean, which girl does not want their boyfriend to praise them often? Especially when they just did their hair. I cut my hair, change my hairstyle, but he only said it was okay.

Then, Yue Meng picked me up from Sunway, then turn up and down round kl [malas nak detail] then head to ipoh. Left kl at 9.30 and reached at 11. [He was not driving 110km/h] that’s why.

I can't uploads the pictures now. reli very sorry..

one more day..

It's friday, and i have one more day being here in desaria..
tomorrow morning, we will be going to sunway..then i can meet up with my baby..wahaha..we are planning to take a cab from here to sunway..RM25...haha..back in ipoh...it's like RM8 you can go from one end to the other..haha..
i see..now why kl life is different.well, it is also a good way..hehez...

I'm suppose to pack, but i'm still here online and watching tv...iaks...

Today, i was suprise. cz i was watching anime [skul rumble 2] then you know when someone sign in in msn,they will pop up..haha..then all of sudden i see..it's my baby..i thought i was dreaming. after pas few days, all the misses and dreams all of sudden i just see him online, so i msg him..haha...and he replied..wohooo!!!!haha..i'm going crazy..and tomolo i will be seeing him...yay....

Tomorrow, is also the day i'm going, yue meng is going to fetch me back...aiks..my mom is gonne have arguements and fights with me. sometimes i just wonder why can't she let me go. ish ish ish...anywayz....

i miss jonathan lim!!!!!!!
i love you..hehez..
muakzzxx~

my new hair

hehez...wanted to try something new and different...
but just do hope my parents won't freak out and start scolding. haha...
Please leave some comment about it..=]

omg...

omg...my unit..can actually die..haihz...i miss my baby's unit le..haihz..but i will be here for two more nite's oni. But still..haihz...actually, there was a manual gas can thingy to cook..but..ran out of gas today..so..what's left is a small hot plate which is like six inches only, ..haihz..but i oni need to eat for today and tomorow..hope that small mini hot plate can tahan till tomorrow..haha...

Today..

Hehez..ok..let's forget about just now, sorry for being emo..it's not that i am not emo, i am still very emo, but just trying to act that i am not.

This morning i woke up at eight thirty in the morning..[well, haven't been sleeping well since my baby went home..]..T.T..well, then i got up and bath, when i finish, it was about nine, and i got ready and stuff till about nine-thirty..took some pictures also...


So, then i went to kevin's place and meet up with them. Then Gerald was sitting in front of the tv, but not looking at tv, but laptop. haha.. so we got reaady and took a cab to putrajaya central. William went to class..haha..then, on the way, william called kevin and said that he has no class, it has been cancelled..So, william went to putra too by cab, when we reached there, we waited for the rapid bus..[ first time sitting..] haha..cannot blame ma..i come from ipoh..hehez...so we went into putrajaya, the JPN there, cz Gerald neede to make his temporary ic, he lost his wallet again..haha.


This dicture was taken in the JPN building. look at the shop name..'Mai MAdAH SHop'..haha...we were like..'my mother shop...hahaha..[that's my two son..gerald and kev]

Then we took metrobus to Serdang ktm staion.[first time on metro too]..then from serdang, we took ktm to kl central..[ took a few times d..] then we change to putra line and went to ampang park. why? cz gerald neede to go to maybank there.. haha..i know you must be asking why there. rite? cz his branch is there. After that, we went bek to the putra station.on the way, bought slurpy..hehez..and we went to wangsa maju for lunch..haha.looked so like ipoh town..hehez..
anywayz..we ate hawker food..After that, we went back to kl central and change to ktm and went to mid valley, haha..mid valley, we oni went to a few places. anime tech, comic store, arcade [kev got me addicted to para-para..but it's good la..since there's no ddr here in kl..*sobs*]..FINally we ate dinner at sushi king..=]..*slurrppp*..hehez..my fav....
then it was ten.wanted to walk..but all close so we took ktm and came bek to serdang and then took a cab back here again..haha...

i'm sorry baby..

i'm sorry baby, for yelling at you over the phone..i'm sorry. I know that you did not call me to hear me being scolded or hear me getting pissed. but u called straight after i argued with her. i'm sorry.. i love you my baby. pls forgive me. i'm sorry..T.T.. Just now, i cry on the phone. until now, i'm sorry, i din mean too..=[..sorry...T.T

Fuck her!~!~!~!

FuCK HER!!!!!!!!!!
wtf??????????
i hate her so much...For the last time, why can't she just shut up and leave me alone?????
saying i'm going wild..my ass is only going wild la..i'm so fucking pised off. Bloody bitch...wants to control life? control her own fucking life first la. always complianing and regretting.. So?? what the fuck those it have to do with me??? Go do something about it la...
Fucking Chibai...Eat shit la..i cannot go online ga? i cannot watch tv ga??
somemore ask me to go study?? what the fuck am i suppose to study now?? how to kill her a? or study HOW TO kill mYSELF?????????
stupid.. leave me alone la..for once..just LET ME GO AND LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mac book

omg..i wanna get mac book. it's white in color.. it has built in camera and so. wow..everything in it. Just hope that Uncle Brian is able to convince dad that it is the best for me. it is 1.8 inch thick..[almost same size as my laptop now] but the screen is 13 inch. hehez.. and mostly, it's white..=]..

That is one black and one white..one is 13 inch the other is 15 inch...Black looks common..but the black when it's close, it looks better..have a look.

See? The black one looks much more better.. hehez..the inside is cool..simply and classy..not as complicated as the rest...
There it is..hehez..black would look like Vio..sony brand..[which is also among my choices] but i'll upload on that after i do a research on it..=]

sad story

I was watching tv. Potrait home ii. Anybody of you watch that? Just that, this drama is a very touching one, and i love watching it. Today is a very dramatic episode. One of the brother tried to rape his uncles' daughter. And turn out, that daughter has been haunted, cz when she was studying in Australia, she was raped by gangsters and her boyfriend just stood aside and watched then he ran away. =/. i was almost in tears cz of that, how could that boy do that to his own girlfriend? And he did not even help her at all, after that he disappeared. [such a cruel guy to be allowed to live in this world]. This girl after bring haunted was afraid and she started wacking the guy non-stop. [you go girl!=)]. Very unfortunately the guy was being wack at that place...[ahem..guys..very painful ler..] hehez...and due to the girl wacking non-stop and too hard..hehez...u know la..he fainted and was admitted to the hospital, then the doctor mention..he cannot ''have fun anymore'' poor thing.. but he still can celebrate fathers day..cz he has a son..haha.
But he is a very bad man..[i din like him].. selfish, inconsiderate and many many more..bad attitude la..then many more..then everybody angry at the girl's father, then she blurted out what happen in Australia. Then the father burst into tears, saying he was a useless father and so on..[ you know la..being dramatic..]

haihz..so touching rite??must watch!!hehez...

*sobs*..making me remember what happen years ago...*scared*....*shiver*....But now..it's over..let's forget it..hehez...

today..

What did i do today??my baby must be wondering. Well, the both of us are running low on credit, so we can't really talk on the phone, what more we can't see each other. So i know my baby must be wondering what i am doing. right? hehez. Baby, two months i won't be seeing you, haha..then when you go online, you will have to read many many of my blogs and entries o..just hope that you won't fall asleep..hehez..

Haven't been doing much. Just hoping that my sister's friend, Yue Meng, is going back ipoh this weekend. then i can follow him, then i can spend more time with you in sunway this saturday. hehez. *yippee* Then i won't be seeing you for 6 weeks..*sobs*..i will miss you alot..no wiat..not i will..cz i Am already missing you..

i did this out of boredom..

loneliness

This loneliness inside me,
omg....
i feel so bored..
and so lonely...

Febuary 26th..

226, Febuary 26th, i know, you guys must be wondering why i would mention this day all of sudden? Well, it is because, this day is a very important day to me. I never really told anyone about it, and since, i am so bored and free. And i know people would start asking, so, here it is.

After Bin broke up with me early december last year [ spm wasn't even over ]. I turned down all the guys. I do not know why, but at that moment, somehow i just thought that, maybe bin would consider me back. And just maybe. As i thought of it now, Bin is different than the rest, it doesn't mean i still love him deeply. But it is just that, me and him wouldn't go along so well. I mean as in couple, now, he is my didi and i will always love him and care for him as a little brother.

JOnathAn Lim....Such a common name. Ain't it? Well, i have friends with that name, i even have a cousin with that name [he's in sabah]. and now, my love, my baby, my boyfriend. That's his name. 26th febuary was the day he asked me to be his girlfriend. He asked to take care of me.
I met him during orientation when i came to limkokwing university college [LUCT]. I never really remember everyone's face. But he was one, i met on the bus on 5th febuary 2007, it was the day we newcomers needed to enroll. I saw him at the front of the bus and i never forget him.
The first time i actually talked to him was during orientation. We had events. On the second day, we had to form twenty per-group. So, i was being for active and somehow was being hyper and very socializing, i saw him and kevin standing at a corner. So i took the chance to pull him into the group. So that's how i knew him and the whole gang of us now. [jon, kev, gerald, bryan, they all]

I got close with jon on the day carol went to australia. I came back to my hostel at 12 in the middle of night. Jon was there to help me to carry my things up. After that night, we chat on msn,, and when we go out as a group i'll be msg'ing him. soon, the second week, we got close to each other thru msn and sms.. then it was semester break. It was Chinese New Year holidayz, and we sms'ed alot.


and the story continues

It happened when i was in his room, i brought down my cd's, and we were listening to them. Until we reached a song name 'heaven' sung by Nu Fluvour and he just asked me to listen to the lyrics. There was a silence between us. Then, all sudden, he just asked me whether i could be his girlfriend. and he was on his knees. wow...i was so speechless and i really did not know what to do. or what to say. so i said 'okaylo..'' then he asked why i answer until so forcingly..i was like..=__________=...feeling awkward and embarrassed the both of us were. Then we just kept silent until the song was over, then, we changed into another subject..

so that's how he asked me.

finally a day is over...

Finally, it's eight smth, and the day is almost over. haihz.. all i am waiting for is tomorrow night, Yue Meng is going to gimme an answer whether he is going back on saturday night or not.If he is going back, then i'll follow him la. Hope that he is going back la.If not i am stuck here, die...haihz..

Today, i haven't been doing anything, was sitting in bed, with my guitar, and video convo with my sister. haihz. it think about two hours. but everything was just crap..i am so freaking boring that it is getting up my nerves. OMG....

Just got off the phone with my baby, both of us were screaming over the phone..haihz..i jsut do hoped that he understnad my frus-ness of being bored here. i mean he went home, how also there's something to do. I am stuck in my unit, where the kettle is not working, the toilet has problem, the air-con is leaking. Sometimes it's cold, sometime's it's hot. I only have seven bucks in my wallet and i can't go anywhere. I don't have this months bus card, i am all alone, and i seriously have NOTHING to do..where he is different. I don't blame him for not understanding, I blame myself la. Feeling so bad that i yelled at him on the phone. Haihz..sorry...

another day of boredom..

still in my pyjamas i am, still drowzy i am, still cudlling in the bllanket i am, still in ta blurry situation i am.

=__= '''haihz...here is it..another day of boredom, i seroiusly do not know what to do. This morning, dad called me, saying that he can't come this saturday. ish..gotta find another way. i think at the end, i need to take bus le...haihz..what to do..anyone going to ipoh???i am currently thinking of how to go back.. i wanna go back.. with my laptop, guitar. then what about my clothes??it is not that my dad can't come. is just that, he is busy. This weekend he has dinner, ten sunday he has golf. well, can't always be a burden. have to go back by bus la...unless, anyone going back??????

i just feel like going back to sleep, haihz..it's almst three in the afternoon..haihz..too bad i can't sleep and wake up then it's saturday..haha...
reli dreaming aren't i?

lousy

my god..and to think that the kettle in my baby's place being broken is bad enuf. but at my place is worst. the kettle is leaking. shit. i am dying of thirst here. am i able to get water anywhere at one smth in the middle of the night?haihz..i miss water..and i love it..the toilet has problem. and the room air-con is leaking even though i have said it to the warden. if the tv is not working, i got no more to say. and then, what is worst? internet not working well..=.='''
and i am going to be here for ONE WHOLE WEEK....i am seriously going to die of boredom...

so here i am

again just sitting on my bed, thinking aimlessly. my god...when am i going to stop doing that? anyways, it's past twelve and i'm just dun feel like sleeping, miss the days with my baby. haihz..can't wait for saturday to come, as we're going to sunway..haha..surf beach..yay..i can see my baby there..wahaha...

Bored...

I can't wait till saturday, then i can see my baby. at sunway lagoon, cz we plan to go to the summer splash party..wohoo!!!=]..
But for now, it is pure boredom..what to do?
i think i can fall asleep the whole day..
oh crap..

loneliness

so here i am..putting another entry into my blog..
well, what can i say then?

my baby has went home, so here i am..all alone in my room. my own room..kinda thinking of it.i rarely spend time here too..came back yesterday night and saw the notice stuck at my door. it is written that i am to clear the other bed because it is being reserved.well, it is the second time there are saying it. haha.who knows? mayb i might reli have a roomate..
that, we will have to see when the time comes. Might be shifting out to cyberia there. well, that is if my baby will be moving too..

yesterday we had our final presentation. omg.. i just felt like crying. As leader, i failed, and i suck at it. i got no one to blame but myself. haihz.. just pray and do hope that i get the best grades. I will try my best to work hard the next semester.
I feel bad and i'm very sorry to my fellow teams..I'm sorry if i let you down.

Somehow, my life seems so boring without my baby here. haihz. what to do? I just hope that time will pass faster and second semester will start, and then i can see my baby.