Tuesday 23 October 2007

.i cried again.

yea, being emo is so not me. But i just couldn't help it. i cried right after i turned around and walked away. but i held back my tears..when i was in the car..passing it to sean was painful.. it hurt, and i cried right in front of sean, gerald and kevin. I din know what to do. I was all messed up and i don't even know myself anymore. who even cries more than me. I cried till I'm d-hydrated and i mean litteraly cz i ended up having cramps. i had to ask ppl for time to talk to me. If not i'll be in my room and i'll not just cry till i have cramps, but i am afraid i won't be able to control myself. what more can i do?

i really love him, but i just can't take the pain anymore. I can't lose myself and I really really wish.. that i'm able to find the pieces in me. I can't bear the pain. You stole my heart and threw it again. Why are u doing this? yes, i have promised to stand at your door even if you slam it at me. But i never knew when the time came. My heart and soul has been shattered. I love you, but it's just that, i can't trust you with me heart anymore. I don't feel safe with you anymore. Being with u, i have not just have to stand up strong in front of you, but also i have to stay down. Every time i voice up my opinion. it will seem like i'm going against you.

We love each other, but i don't think it'll work. after all the pain that you and i have caused..i'm not sure if i can go on anymore or will my soul just disappear. I am lost and i am confuse. A few frineds have been asking, but i can't seem to talk about everything to them. maybe it's because i've been hurt enough. For the past few years, you've taken my entire heart, i forgot bout things i did not want to remember, but at a split second. you threw everything back at me and it shattered. I need time to pick it up piece by piece and mend it. I need time, and i need to find my pieces which are shattered all in this infinity space and by then, i can only give you the answer.

I'm not stopping you with your music. So, go ahead, at least you can make your parents proud. My family is my business, don't try t bring me back, cz.. i can't.. i admit i'm a problematic child, but nobody is perfect, and i can't help being who i am. i'm sorry.

please don't hurt me.

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