i am afraid.

Planning ahead is always something good. And sometimes, planning feels better as if you are running away from now. Yea, i'm a coward. or lets just say, i'm giving up facing it and i plan to spend more my time on me and my future.

But planning also may ruin things. =/..

Right now i'm so afraid. Afraid that things would be troublesome and i may be going on this journey of life alone. without you with me. I am afraid that it may cut off my spirit of life. But i promise you, i will be strong and be who i am suppose to be and not who i am not.

closing my heart away

i wanna scream out and tell how Badly i hate her!! I just wish she would disappear from my life and i MEAN it!!! i don't give a damn f***ing shit if you even said i'm rude, i don't respect her, or all the shitty nonsense of not being a good person. Why should i be giving her all that when she doesn't even give it to me? I don't care who i am or what she is to me! Don't come telling me that she's lonely and ask me to tolerate cz i don't think she has the right to do it even though she's lonely or whatever shit she's going thru!!! yes, i admit that i'm a sensitive person and i wish i am able to not give a shit about it anymore!..

I especially hate it when someone looks down on another. I myself do it too. but i only look down on ONE person! that's her!!! Words can not express how a person she is and i'm fed-up of letting her step over my head. i'm not 6 or 9 nor 13 anymore okay! i ahve my own rights to do and i am tired of being who i'm not!.

Yea i'm fat and i admit it! how fat and chubby i am. she does not need to tell me that!and i love being fat! so what? i don't see a big deal being fat!!! She drags me up at 9 in the morning where i slept at 3 and was reli tired cz i wasn't feeling well. just to accompany her to the bank. ok! i am not complaining! then she starts nagging about me getting tired and fat and all that shit. HER nagging. is not just nagging like all mothers. Her nagging is practically stepping on you and throwing stones at you and accusing you for things from your appearance to who you are with. and i hate it especially when she starts talking about hubby cz it just makes me wanna kick her. no wait. more like. make me wanna run away and get away from her FOREVER!

Don't tell me don't be mad or i should have anger management! You should be in my shoes. not my one day, not one hour but 19 years! and then tell me whether am i wrong!

hungry...

it's 2.52am and i'm hungry. my stomach feels empty. it's not i did not have any dinner. but i'm jsut hungry..=/

and so is hubby..XD..so i'm not alone..hehez..

I can't believe that this euro football thingy is making everyone not sleeping. well, not reli everyone, just those who are REALLY into footbal...hmph! janice, you should ask my brother to sleep wor and dun watch so much la..XD...

Wanted!

Finally back to the movies with hubby again..XD...for so long i've been waiting to watch movie with hubby. The movie was at 9.50. We reached at 9.10. and the screen sed it was full...

T______________T

but i insisted to line up and give it a try..XD...sayang couldn't resist also..hehez.and LUCKY!!!..got space..hehez..nice seats too. but in the middle la.have to crawl to the middle..*sigh

The ending was really unexpected. I din think angeline joline would die and i thought sloan would die instead. haha..XD..But overall, it was really nice. Can't wait to watch 'Get Smart', 'Hancock' and many more. But hubby having exams then. =/. have to wait until he finishes. *sniff. but nevermind la. gambateh o hubby..=]. hugz..

you lighten up my life

''you are my strength when i was weak''..a part from a song sung by celion dion and brings the whole meaning to what i wan to say to my hubby here.i dedicate this song to you.

For all those times you stood by me 

For all the truth that you made me see 

For all the joy you brought to my life 

For all the wrong that you made right 

For every dream you made come true 

For all the love I found in you 

I'll be forever thankful, baby 

You're the one who held me up 

Never let me fall 

You're the one who saw me through, through it all 

You were my strength when I was weak 

You were my voice when I couldn't speak 

You were my eyes when I couldn't see 

You saw the best there was in me 

Lifted me up when I couldn't reach 

You gave me faith 'cause you believed 

I'm everything I am 

Because you loved me 

You gave me wings and made me fly 

You touched my hand, I could touch the sky 

I lost my faith , you gave it back to me 

You said no star was out of reach 

You stood by me and I stood tall 

I had your love, I had it all 

I'm grateful for each day you gave me 

Maybe I don't know that much 

But I know this much is true 

I was blessed because I was loved by you 

hubby, i love you and thanks for being in my life. Teaching me from wrong to right. Guiding me the right way. I do not know how i would've been without u. i love you.

Home in your arms again

i feel so weak in your arms.
As if i weight only few grams.
My hearts links to you and listens to you.

i sat on the bed aimlessly,
holding the phone waiting for your call.
I jump to see who's car passes by or stops at my house,
knowing you might not be back yet.

Finally you are back,
I felt so excited to see you,
after the whole week,
i was waiting for the weekend just to see you.

I love you.

i saw you,
you smiled and i melted.

I wish i could just run up to you and pounce on you.
HUgging you and flooding you with kisses.
Showering you with love and wanting for you love.

*thinks*

hmmm..reminds me of some movie..haha..XD...

HUBBY! i'm glad you came home and i love you soOOOoo much. missed you so badly.

what suprises me

hmmm..what would really suprise me??

- hubby updating his blog..XD...

- hubby updating about me..XD..haha...

erm...

- me able to draw a proper decent person!!

- me transfering to TOA..haha..XD...

- studying business? yeap. that'll be suprising..

- anyone remembering my birthday..haha....^^ *hints out here*..but long way more.

- getting SLIM and TINY and SEXY...haha..XD...that'll be great and shock too..

- carol getting fat..haha..when i mean fat i really meant FAT, with flabby arms and big thigh..haha..*evil*

- beating my brother in ANY game..

- getting suprises from hubby would be EVEN suprising..haha.. [i sound like he doesn't give suprises at all]..XD

*such a random post*

My wish

If I could have just one wish,

I would wish to wake up everyday

to the sound of your breath on my neck,

the warmth of your lips on my cheek,

the touch of your fingers on my skin,

and the feel of your heart beating with mine...

Knowing that I could never find that feeling

with anyone other than you.

I love the way you do it

I love the way you look at me,
Your eyes so bright and blue.
I love the way you kiss me,
Your lips so soft and smooth.

I love the way you make me so happy,
And the ways you show you care.
I love the way you say, "I Love You,"
And the way you're always there.

I love the way you touch me,
Always sending chills down my spine.
I love that you are with me,
And glad that you are mine.

It's been a while

It has been days since i blogged. well, it SEEMED like a long time since i blogged..XD..

I'm missing my love soOOooo much.

Holiday's are boring without you around hubby.. Being a driver [improving my driving skills so hubby won't say i'm a lousy driver.XD]. Cooking lunch and dinner [so i can learn more and cook for hubby next time.XD ]

What else have i been doing?oh yea. studyin..=___='' so unexpectedly to come from me..me? i never study and i hate it. well, but i do like the fact that i'm learning. It's just that i have such a bad memory that i cannot remember once i read. i need to, like....read it TEN times before it gets into my head...=/...

Got a letter from uni mentioning when it starts school. I thought it was my result at the moment and it really shocked me..i'm gonna be soooOOOOoooo dead when the result comes and i hate it when my parents open the letter without telling me. *sigh.. where's my privacy...=/...

Tomorrow's friday and yippeee ((>.<)))...hubby is coming back. but then, have to wait at night till he's back. =/...Hubby a? next week don' go back kl le. stay here ? =]..XD..i love u and missing you LOADS>>:D

I miss you deeply

It's been days since i've seen you and i'm missing you so much.

Strawberry misses sugar back. =]. *hugz

finally *relieves*

i have finally finished two questions after struggling where to find..hmm...and i thought it was easy..*cries*

But lucky hubby was there.=]. well, he din do much to help. but he did much loving me..=] *weeee.....((>.<))


Have been walking up and down asking dad, mom, Janice and all that. *laughs*

well, thanks to all of you.=]

next is law..haha....*getting prepared*..

i should sit for the test and see how much i'm getting from what i'm learning so far..XD

well, hubby.

gambateh o..XD..we'll work hard.=]

help *squels*

anyone knows a little about malaysian studies?

*look left*look right*

i have to write about the mistakes of the leaders in 1400-1818. anyone remember anything?

*sigh.. i have no idea what to write about..

changes

Trying to make some changes and things i want here..


1. My wardrobe needs help *hints to hubby* [would you come to my house this weekend and have a look?]

2. My hair *hints to mom* [can i do my hair this thursday?]

3. My shoes *hints to hubby* [tell me when you see nice shoes and think they look good on me..XD]

4. A pair of converse *scratch heads debating*

5. Better brains...oppsss...i mean......
Smarter brains...XD

6. FRIDAY to come faster!!!

7. Semester to come EVEN faster!!!!


-staying here without hubby sucks...*pouts*

Missing you

... ... ... ... ...





--------->>>


I sudden realize i'm missing you THAT much.

Two Boxes

I have in my hands two boxes,
Which God gave me to hold.
He said, 'Put all your sorrows in the black box,
And all your joys in the gold.'

I heeded His words, and in the two boxes,
Both my joys and sorrows I stored,
But though the gold became heavier each day,
The black was as light as before.

With curiosity, I opened the black,
I wanted to find out why,
And I saw, in the base of the box, a hole,
Which my sorrows had fallen out by.

I showed the hole to God, and mused,
'I wonder where my sorrows could be!'
He smiled a gentle smile and said,
'My child, they're all here with me..'

I asked God, why He gave me the boxes,
Why the gold and the black with the hole?
'My child, the gold is for you to count your blessings,
The black is for you to let go.'

Back again.

Here i am back in my room.
*On the laptop
*facebook-ing
*friendster-ing
*msn-ing [with carol]
*downloading songs [connie talbot..i tear listening to her songs..XD]

Just finishing cooking a double maggie for my brother after having a 'menu order' from him *faints*. well, can't blame for loving him. haha..XD...

So, i am here, running from my room,

---->> to the study room...

-->then back to my room

---->> to wherever my mom is..

-->> back to my room

---->> to whoever who calls me..

-> and back to my room

and sighing to finish this blog in my crappy mood..



Let's see what happen,


O_____o????


i almost got whacked and being released anger on?

no wait..shud go back to the beginning where what happen..

~~~~~~~~~

There i was, trying to help and hurry to book the flight, but as usual, she's so slow and just bothers me. But i just keep quiet. Then, it passed 12. she was late by 4 mintues and she could get the flight. She screamed and jumped up and down like a little girl. ..*blink*blink*. i am speechless. but lucky i just remain quiet and scared. felt so alone, but felt i had to be strong.

Then, she came in and almost cried. and then asked me to talk to my sister [so, i bet you're reading it and you've already known] and there she is jumping up and down again. asking why so unlucky. what can i say?

*silents as connie talbot's Favourite Things, playes from my iTunes.*


Back to where i am, waiting for my hubby to reach kl and hoping he will msg me or give me a call..XD..*hints*

Made Of Honour

Yesterday night was a saturday night. Sayang and i went to watch a movie..

i Don't know what to comment on this movie. Mayb i have to start learning how to give movie review's so i can improve my english too..XD..

Sayang and i was slightly late. But as tgv in jj is never in time unlike in pyramid. So, we din miss anything either..XD..

i love watching movie's with hubby.XD..hehez..cz i can always lie on him..haha..but unfortunately, he watch incredible Hulk d..so, i may have to watch alone or mayb watch online la...

help me find

i'm missing one book for the collection of the Casson Family..T_T. been searching for it since last year. i'm missing the first book "Caddy ever after".

i told and showed sayang the book and he was suprised..haha...XD..same name..

It's a really nice book, a simple one and i have read it more than five times..haha...

random-ness

I'm running out of blog title.
Woke up at 12.57pm today...XD..Then went to send lunch to my dad then picked up my glasses and then went over to my brothers school to pick him up.. Been running erands today and yesterday too...
Sayang's coming back today and i can hardly wait to see him..XD..i miss him so much..T_T..Tonight there's a band competition, then, matt asking me to go, mom not home, but i wish to go out with sayang..=/.. Then mom drag me to a lunch tomorrow...*ugh..make me miss not eating lunch with sayang tomorrow. Then she's gonna drag me to dinner again and it will be clashing with my time with sayang.Later he go back kl on sunday night then i cannot see him already..T_T. and then i dunno what excuse to give to go to kl.. *sigh..
It sucks so much that i have to tell every single detail what i'm doing, where i'm going.. It's their fault i'm not such a shophalic and my fashion instinct dies. i can't even buy clothes! imagine gettting a RM29.90 top from padini will even kill me. i hate lying about all the prices that i'm buying.
One side sayang is saying i do not have much nice clothes as the truth is. I do not even have the chance to go. Even if i went out, i wouldn't even know where or what. and i suck at chosing clothes. i hate it so much..But who is it to blame?
i miss my dear, *sigh. i feel so happy with him around as i can be who i wan.

-missing u..faster come back..-

"memorable" day

A memorable wedding shot. Located in Shihchuan

This was a day and a location for a couple to take their wedding photo shoot. The perfect whether too.
Until....

The earthquake.[ that was all over the news] bricks started falling but lucky the crew and the couple were not in the building.

After the earthquake. Notice the different between and after the buildings? *such pity*. The couple had to re-locate and prospone the wedding shots.

幸福在我手里

今天我很开心，说起来应该是这几天我很开心。因为我和宝贝在一起得时间虽然短短是几天，但是在心目中好像很久了。加上，他得母亲，外婆，阿姨，哥哥，姐姐，弟弟今天来吉隆坡，也把我带会怡保。
我很开心因为我感觉到幸福，我感觉到我们得爱。我很开心，笑得太阳公公也比不上我。我终于知道爱是如何，关心是哪儿来得。最开心就是和宝贝越来越靠近。我好开心，开心得不知怎样去形容。
但是我好不开心，因为宝贝在吉隆坡，而我在怡保，得等星期五才能见到宝贝。

我好想念他

Home

First time being home on a wednesday night. *sigh

sayang will only be back on Fri and missing him dearly. all alone here and he's alone there. =/.

I went to campus today A.G.A.I.N. to hand in my work. after the rejection of THREE times.. Two times i had to wait for her, today, i was so rush and it hates that it troubles sayang, So then, passed it to another lecturer and then left. Well, don't want to get in so detailed.

After that sayang dropped me off at pyramid when i went to find her sister and did not expect sooOOOoo many people to be there...X_X..was quite nervous at first, but then things turned out quite well. I have two new shirt from padini. Actually was only one, then MunYee saw another and the price was 2 for RM39, so she picked one and i picked one. :D. so that makes me have two new shirt. hehez... *thanks*

After that, just walked around then went back to get my laptop. Lucky sayang finish school but then din spend more time with him cz his mom wanted to go down to kl and scared he drive back to subang alone so din ask him to come alone..T_T. it was then i started missing him till i will see him on friday.

HOlidays just started but it doesn't really feel like holiday now. Thinking whether want to go and see a star in summit with MunYee next sat or not.hmm...*figures*

-i'm missing my love-

Disappointed

i am so disappointed. right now. i thought things would go well, but no. I couldn't help it but break down and cry.

Of all person to not understand me, it was him. The person whom i wanted the support most from. I am mad, i am sad, i am disappointed i am emotion-less..I want to scream that i hte him and leave for not understanding the situation. But who am i to blame that he is someone like this? He was born and raise with a brain like this and i can do nothing.

So, here i am stuck at the worlds WORST university and i don't fucking care about my language school because staying in such a fucked up school is not worth it! i cannot fuckingly believe that he had said that. I know i expected him to say that. but i thought he would at least change and convince him. i pray that the fucking place would just crash and burn down into ashes!

praying with faith and hope

Here i am 2.53am praying with faith and hope that i'll be able to get a transfer. I really do wish that i'm able to get in without any trouble and pray that dad will be ok with it too. and hope that everything will be ok and fine tomorrow as i HATE the troubles at uni. *ugh. so troublesome. Not just troubling me but also hubby [that makes me even pissed]

hungry..

So, here i am posting a lil smth before i am going to start on my own work. *yawn. i'm hungry but i do not know what i want to eat.

a lil confuse here whether or not i'll be able to transfer and all that. T_T..*sobs. i just feel so lost. and its so far away. dang! then if everything is fine. i might need to drive all the way up and check-out. pack and all that shit. Hope i'll get in and pray that mom and dad are ok with it.

I heard the lecturers there are very dedicated and it's better compared to where i am now. *ugh. why wasn't i told when it was my time. hmm..i'm gonna have to warn those who are coming to be prepared..unless they really want to suffer...hmmm*looks around.

i think i gotta start work now before sayang comes back and then i won't be able to concentrade then..hehez..*sniggers..

~i'm hungry~

looking alike

mom still thinks sayang looks like Jay Chow..haha..Mayb b'cz of the hair le. mom nvr know anyone with sayang's hair like that.

This morning we had breakfast with grandparents and grandma was asking about sayang. She asked how he looked like, was he handsome and all that, before i could answer anything. Mom cut in and kept mentioning that sayang look's like jay chow. Nomatter how many times i denied it, my mom insisted on it till my grandma believed also. Then my mom said when i was young, i stick Jay Chow's picture all over my wall, So i end up falling in love and dating someone who looks like Jay Chow..Then grandma agreed..*sobs, nobody takes my side. 

Then mom said, if she knew this would happen. she would have stick Prince William's picture all over my bedroom wall, then i'll date someone like him..=_______='''swt-ness mmg..

Anger

I just hate it so much when you push me around, telling me what i should do or what i shouldn't. Or accusing me of things i do not intentionally think of. The reason i did not even want to talk about to you b'cz i knew you would give a reaction exactly the way you did. It's annoying. I know what'ever comes out of your mouth is yours but please do have some respect and stop comparing me! and i also know you won't be reading this but i do not know why i even bother writing this! it's cz i'm mad, i'm not happy, i'm sad, i'm lost, i'm disappointed!!!! and i wan carol or janice or sayang or anyone who cares to actually know what's going on at least. *sheesh..

This is not smth i talk about, Cz i feel embarrassed by the fact that i'm not good in what i'm doing. *ugh... Please remember who i am and what i am, but not who i'm not and what i'm not.

And then, the second thing is, STOP pointing at my stomach and say i'm FAT! stop pointing at my chin and say i'm growing, stop pointing at ME and say i'm flabby! i've shut up about u but there u go saying i'm fat, i'm obese, i'm growing, i look fat, i dun look nice in clothes and so on. I know i am, but it doesn't need you to say all these cruel things to remind me! *screams...

Don't compare me with others! Don't even compare me again with her. She's a talent girl. me? i'm just learning ok! and i'm still. i'm not giving up! but stop pushing me down and making me stop and give up! I know you care and do not want us to go the wrong path, BUT i know what i'm doing, and by you acting like this, you ARE making me going the wrong path. *runs around...

i'm so confuse right now i wish you to just stop making any noise, watch your tv drama's or cartoons, and let me calm down before you say anything to me!

2 am in the morning

i am here blogging after a night out with hubby. =]. mom has been saying a few things. but, i'll just try to put it aside and ignore it. hmmm*blink. i'm doing my work. silently, trying to watch for the cat incase she wakes up.haha. dare not even on the light and here i am doing sketches nd work of my re-do-ing of the assignment. hmm...And at the mean time wondering what printing+binding shops will be open tomorrow..hehez...[any idea?] *smiles

oh shit*remembers. i have to yam cha with alexis tomorrow..haha...dunno can make it or not also. So, my dear..=]. if i can't make it i'm sorry yea. XD...next week. hehez..

-back to work-

*sobs

i cannot believe my mom actually said i was growing fat!!!...where's my dad. he's normally cheering me up and telling me how thin i am now but it's just that i'm a lil plum compare to others and bla bla bla. i know it's not the truth. but at least it doesn't hurt right? it's so sad that everyone who sees me says i'm growing fatter and fatter and fatter. T_T. or is everyone around me growing thinner and thinner and thinner? T_T. or maybe it's just my dressing. no way! those layers of woobly fats are just disgusting.. help*squels...

And then there's my dad who's teasing me about my pimple and zits and freckles...omg.. those freckles are one that i hate the most.. Why don't everyone get freckles..T_T...it's just so troublesome..and lucky hubby hasn't been saying anything bout them, or mayb he hasn't notice (whoopps! now he knows...XD )..haha...haha..and those unbalance eyes of mine.

I went for eye check today. and it told me that my power has increase. T_T...no wonder i have some trouble seeing things. from zero to less than a hundred to 125, now it has increased to 175..oh shit! is that bad? T_T..and the lighting (san gong) has also increased...=/..how dead i am, i need to find for a nice pair of frames then..hmm...finding is a thing, looking good on me is another thing..hmm...

~i have glossy lips waiting to kiss your hot lips XD~

lil shocked

When i reached home yesterday, i saw a huge envelope from my uni and for a moment i thought it was something serious. but then when i open it. i saw forms and letters and so many papers..omg. ONe was for me, then my parents then got few forms also. It was the global classroom thing, my lecture has been mentioning it too. Doing one sem in one country [different uni]. so, you'll be having all the certs and recognition, wow...sounds so good. but is it really? i don't think anything with limkokwing is ACTUALLY good. those who are there or was there will understand why. hmm..so, i was a lil shock by that..haha...

A lil tired now and resting till hubby pick me up for dinner. lost of idea's what to wear tonight also..T_T.. i saw a nice top in p&co on Thursday, but then the din have my size in the color i wan. =/.hmm..am i being too specific or what? *blink blink

i sudden realise there are just so many kinds of people here, surprised that some people can be so selfish and ignorant, unsophisticated and...dumb? haha..*chuckles.. really, i was surprise that she turn out to be someone just like that. I'm not taking sides or anything, or not being busy-body. But i sudden felt so relief that i'm not like her cz for a moment i thought i was the worst.haha...XD..*random

With kai xin around, i'm so lost in the world of music. no wait. much more specifically, in the world of piano..haha...XD. girl, (janice also) i can't confirm u girls i can go to teluk batik yet or not a.ok? but i'll try la..=]..

不开心的我

你的笑容去了那？我好想你，虽然你真在坐我旁边，但是你的心，你的脑，却在一个很遥远的地方。你看到我吗？你知道我在这儿吗？你在外面做些什么我很想知道，但是我对自己说，我是你的女朋友的一天，我一定要相信你对我的爱。

但是，我很想你在抱我，对我说去你的爱。告诉我 你的心。告诉我，你的东西。但是，我因为相信你，所以给你时间和空间去慢慢的把你的心打开给我。

我所做的，因为我爱你

*sniff

could you believe i actually cried? i thought it was just stress and unhappiness. but when i talk to my dad over the phone, i just burst into tears. like sayang said" what's the point of crying? it won't help me a bit''. well, i don't know how to answer to that question. I felt so useless and sad and so frustrating that it's gonna trouble not just me but sayang as well. i hate it when it trouble's him. *sigh.

Unexpectedly i thought i could overcome it when i saw sayang, but instead i didn't till later on. Things have had happen and i so wish to speak it out but i just can't. Not here, Not to anyone. Like everyone is saying, this course i'm taking is so unexpected and so not me. =/. i wished. but i always believed i could over-come it. but unexpectedly with such a bad location and bad lectures. It just makes things worst. who is it to blame? me again for chosing the wrong university.

It's 12.39am now, and i'm lying on the bed blogging here. going to sleep after this, but just wanted to find someone to talk yet there's no one. So, here i am. Geez, i sound so desperate to talk to someone huh? Mayb b'cz i've been ignored for quite some time..hmm..

I got it from my MAMAK

Parody - i got it from my MAMAK. couldn't b'liv they got jin here too..haha...you guys must've heard this on the radio b4..

Home again..

Back home and dad's not home..=/. he went of to langkawi..omg. i'm such a daddy's girl..XD..anyway, Only left mom and me and matt. and Grandpa, who i seldom talk to and i feel bad but can't blame for the lack of age and communication..hahaha..((>.<)).. So, tomorrow gonna drive my brother to the saloon in the morning and get his hair cut. He's been asking me to cut it, but i'm soooOOOOooo lazy and i don't wan him to blame me for his untidiness of his hair..*sniggers..

So, Then, Latin class starts at 3. have to go early to talk to the dance teacher..haha..finally i'm learning it. well, take it as an exercise as i'm growing[sideways not upways..T_T]..ugh*disgust.. Then, have to re-do my work..*sigh, talking bout it is just so stress..the stress part is not working on it, but it's the trouble of going there. I just feel so bad for sayang to drive there la. too bad i can't fly then. Even better if i can transport.haha...*such imaginations..

Then, here's my bro begging me to go the band competition on next friday cz without me, he can't go. should i? shouldn't i? i would be alone if i did. hmm.. so, wei! people! alexis! kai xin! haha...sayang also a! if you're going then tell me la. XD..if not a...then janice...pls help me cheer up my bro a..haha....i think you're going that's why he wants to go so BADLY right? XD..hehez...

So, i've made up my mind to lose weight this holiday!!..haha.. i'll take whatever it does to lose weight and look thiner!! haha... if not i'll grow more and more like the panda in kungfu panda...((>.<)) dunwan......

(".)- hubby darling i love u very much..muakzx...-

wth

i cannot f***in bliv it! that i have to come back here next week cz i have to re-do some friggin work. and the thought of not being able to find her just pisses me off!!!!

and to think my holidays have started. wtf

MUST WATCH!

This show is hilarious. MUST watch!!!...haha...you will not regret it. XD..

pada with the wobble wobble tummy..hahaha...XD..

stress with work

zomg. i've been working for the past few nights. been sleeping at 5 and woke up at 7 on sat and sun. then mon slept longer cz no one woke me up and i was reli tired. and then today? i put alarm and woke up at 9.30..lucky tomorrow is the last day and HOPE i pass..omg..

painting is cool. i mean as in hand and digital both. designing and all that. i mean, u go around holding a big canvas and paint brushes and when u finish. you're glad u at least finished one piece of work. but the hard work. T_T. if u suck at it. U can die at it..LIKE ME!!! i so wanna cry now. i hate illustration. and i heard next sem is using marker pen...

$-$...all my money gone down the drain just like that..T_T..*ugh...and i was thinking of going shopping. i think i'll skip that and save it. =/

and too bad u can't keep your artwork..X_X.i mean some are nice. will post some images tomorrow..*sigh. i guess break-times over and gotta start work again..

*sigh...stressss

Believe in Dreams

I know, the days will come and go,
But baby I’ll grow old, but I will die.
For now, is it worth it to be sad, if it’s harder to be glad to be alive?
For the trouble I have caused
I wonder,
Where do I belong?
Is it here?
Believe in dreams you love so much,
Let the passion of your hearts make them real
And tell all the ones you love,
Anything and everything you feel.
I laugh about the past-
Secretly,
Wish we could go back,

As I look around this room,
See the worried eyes I know
It’s time I cannot buy
Was this worth the time to rise?
Was this worth the time to rise?
Believe in dreams
I believe in dreams
I believe in dreams
I believe in you
Believe in dreams you love so much,
Let the passion of your hearts make them real-
And tell all the ones you love,
Anything and everything you feel.
Believe in dreams
Believe dreams…

by flyleaf.

If only you knew

As the time passes,

We spent the hours together.

Day by day as it passes by,

I wonder how you've felt.

If only you knew,

What was inside me.

If only you knew,

How i wished to have you.

If only you knew,

Maybe things would have been better.

你有想我吗？

最近怎么了？你没以前那样的看我了。你没以前那样的抱我了，吻我。甚至说话的语气也变了。我好怕，真的好害怕。你冷淡淡的离开，深深的伤了我。你知道吗？今天你去哪儿？一句话也没说，一时我很想问，你有把我当你女友吗？你有认真吗？我很想问，她是谁。心里和感觉上说是她。是吗？我很讨厌她。但是，说起来，我讨厌自己多点。因为，我给不到她能给你的快乐和舒服。我很讨厌我自己，因为我不是你心目中的第一位。或许，我是而我不知。一时，我真的觉得很不公平，为什么，我，偏偏会被这样得骗着，我答应过你我不会介意，但不代表，你不告诉我就没事。我的心好痛，但是又不能告诉你。我已经把全部给了你，剩下的我，是无发没有你的。 

我是真心的爱你。你呢？

finally to have some time here

omg. i have been so busy with work the past 48 hours that i think i slept less than 4 hours. glued to the chair. and the laptop. Just got back from lunch with sayang.. XD.muax

anyway, waiting for mom to fix the printer. haha..cz i've used up most of the black ink. ^^. so mom had to re-fill it..thanks mom..!!so, i finally finish one journal. three more to go. and another two is almost done. i've been doing mostly the research and paper work. then i move on to the practical and work. *sigh. that's gonna be a BIG stress and i hope sayang can help..*hint...hehez...XD

anyway, apologizing for not updating recently. but will after this. =]

Today is fathers day but din reli celebrate cz the man went to golf..haha..and next week he's going to langkawi and not bringing me..T__T.. he say i can go if i wan to. drive there...XD..but then...i go alone tak syok la...*sigh.. so, might give him his present after that and when i finish it..haha...XD..

gotta go..=]...baby sayang, i love you. muax. huggies..=]

janice, haha..i'm sorry i din reply u ytd..

carol, don't say i forgot u a..XD..i heard u gonna be renting a car and drive all the way to sydney..=]..

and finally, good luck to my classmates, gambateh..haha...and ahya..everyone la..XD

心里的一句话

怎么了， 我也不知。情况上好想冷淡了。我也开始害怕了，难道恶梦真的发生吗？ 我爱的人就是伤得我最深的一个。难道他可以就这样的把我放去一便吗？在加上，假期来临了，一天比一天的更害怕。我不信他不爱我，我不信他不关心我。难道他的要求那么高吗？难道我那么的差经吗？我爱的有多少他知道吗？每个女孩，都是弱的。

我在你的怀里是最弱的时候，每当你抱我，我觉得很温暖，很开心，很舒服，很想永远拥有你。能吗？

你能看见我心里的苦吗？你能知道我为了你而难过吗？

好想的问你，

你爱我吗？

你想我吗？

你有我吗？

*argh...

zomg.. she sometimes really pisses me off. this is why i hate about it. i can't be who i am. i always have to pretend i'm someone else. i have to always pretend i'm ok with something else. *ugh. I so wish i can take my laptop and go somewhere to hide and finish my work without her interuptions.. 

Her lack of sense and understanding is just something unbearable. Why is my fault if i'm sick? Why is it my fault that i'm feeling the pain? ok. maybe i'm just not looking it in her way.

i'm sick cz i'm not eating well cz i'm scared of getting obese. I'm stuck with all the work cz i suck at organising things and i'm slow, i'm not smart and i suck at creativity. I prefer doing work at night cz i'm alone and no one's there to disturb me and main thing. i can't sleep. [janice would know why]..

hmph. i've got to stop and continue my work. *ugh. so stress..

so screwed

yea...just got an e-mail from my lecturer and turns out have to do another EXTRA assignment...hmph...bad enough i'm all occupied with all this work. Now, another extra one.. and i can' get any help from anyone either...*ugh. plus...psm making it worst!. 

well, can't blame anyone but me for my stupidity. gotta start rushing on work d.

sugar-free?

my baby is sugar-free so i won't have diabetis..^^ a convo with my ex-classmate..

siewping~working hard~ says:

wa..u n ur bf very sweet a...

[!=ing]isabella..::i*heart* you::..私は愛する 

says:

hahaha...

siewping~working hard~ says:

later get diabetis a..

[!=ing]isabella..::i*heart* you::..私は愛する says:

haha..got medicine ma...

siewping~working hard~ says:

u know got an idiom?

siewping~working hard~ says:

prevent better than cure?

[!=ing]isabella..::i*heart* you::..私は愛する says:

haha..love also no cure ma..

siewping~working hard~ says:

ya. so make sure he is sugar free. haha

[!=ing]isabella..::i*heart* you::..私は愛する says:

....hahahaa

and the conversation goes on..haha...so my baby is sugar-free...XD...so cute..

Relax or work..

Well, i slept at 3 ytd after helping out with sayang and then pack things and went to bed. As i lay there, my back started to ache. Really sore and i so wanted to swear at it. *sigh... 

I am still working on my Design History journal. I sudden realize i have to stop jumping up and down but start from the beginning to see what i have missed...13 chapters to research, write, and go through. This is like writing a TEXT BOOK....T____T. omg. and i am only at Introduction.

Then i have to buy a canvas which i don't know where to. Yen shing said can buy at popular? or around the one academy sure got. But hubby don't have the car. T_T. so how to go and buy. *sobs...and i just want to cry out loud. I spend RM200 on just assignment, work and printing. Hell of money in all the assignments. And then, To think of the money i need to spend on acrylic paints just makes me faint..

So, here i am, on the bed... with a severe tummy pain due to my aunty's visits. =/. i hate it. It just makes me so uncomfortable and in pain and i just wanna cuddle up in hubby's arms and cry. Should i eat chocolate to make myself feel better? I don't even know what i should eat or not eat. T_T. ok..i reli suck at my aunty's visit..she's such a fuss..*ugh

must be 'it'

i think all my emotions and stress are coming from it. yea. must be psm..i hate it so much. kinda think of it, it's such a pain, literary pain, cz of the sores around and i just feel so tired. and the stress to think that so many things happening is just it..*sigh. yea, 

it must be psm. 

take a break. where's my kit-kat? =/

It's 5.18 am in the morning and i'm still here doing my work. having a break after sitting for more than ten hours. with my work. Hmm...next presentation is on Wednesday. Then communication studies having troubles. hope the teacher will be much kind-hearted and make things work out. *sigh.

I'm hungry and there's nothing to eat. Gonna be doing a bit more work then off to bed. Now sayang is already snooring happily in his sleep. praying he won't torture or sleep ON stitches and patrick. Are you hubby?=]. hehez. 

Been looking through my pictures and regretted cutting my hair. well, i'm leaving it now. Hope it grows faster. ^^.. hehez. anyway, i gotta stop now.

nightz everyone.

-vous défi ne le touchez pas, obtenez vos propres-

私は愛する,私の赤ん坊の最愛の人-

心痛痛的哭

我为什么会在哭呢？为什么眼泪会流呢？为什么我会心痛呢？自己一个人的我， 突然觉得好辛苦，觉得我很需要你。我好气，我好累，我好痛，因为我很爱你。

我很生气她。我很想大声得骂她。叫她死开。叫她去找她自己的。为什么偏偏要抢我的？为什么走了又要回来？

已经几天了，你和他不断的复信息，说没东西是假的。我很恨她。

泪也流了，心也痛着，难道你真的没良心吗？难道你忘了你答应过我的吗？现在我已经是这样了。如果，万一，发生的话，我会怎样？

我很希望，你也一样的爱我。我只希望你真的爱我。

unexpectedly...

i never though that it would happen in this way. I though it was over, but somehow, it just came back. 

I thought it would be ok. But then, i fear more when it seems like we're tearing apart. I wanna cry, i wanna scream, but i know, whatever i'll do. will make no use at all. All i can do, is just pray and hope. You may be with me, I may be with you. But your mind and heart seems to wander, i knew it was coming and i saw it coming, and i just sat and pretended i didn't know anything. 

I wanna cry on your shoulder, will you?

I wanna ask you, is everything ok.

I wanna tell you, i love you.

I wanna know, How are you.

I've never felt so lonely before, You seem relief to leave. I felt like a rock on me. What has happen? or is it just me again. Maybe i'm just thinking too much, as i've always been. And i apoligize for that, maybe it's because of everything. 

one done, how many more????

I've finally finish work for tomorrow..[i think]. T_T. well, printing not done yet. so it doesn't really considered as. Finish? right? Just thinking about presenting makes me want to run and hide away, but..*sigh.. who can i tell this to? *alone..Then, i have another presentation on Wednesday on 'Timeline'. Haven't even started it yet also. *ish ish ish...T_____T....*sobs.

Don't even know what i should do with it? Few ideas are in my head, but i'm never able to open it up and draw it out. *always kena scolding...and looked down. sorry if i'm not the best..

Haven't been much a help though, i feel really bad and really useless, it's like, i want to help. But you just won't and though i couldn't which maybe it is. But i though at least i could help. Well, it's fine..emotions will go away sooner or later. but sometimes i really do not think that it is wrong for someone to feel unhappy, but as long as he or she doesn't over-do it. Well, maybe it's all the stress from work that is taking my time and he thinks i'm not free kind of feeling. DOn't know what the hell i'm thinking. *ugh.

-somehow, i just wanna say i'm sorry-

Back to Narnia

Finally we're back to Narnia...XD..Never disappointing as the Lion, Witch and the Wardrobe. =]. Sayang and i was kinda rushing because of the miss-estimating the time. =/. but no worries. it just started when we reached..XD. so i don't think we missed much though. hehez... 

Even though i am rushing for the assignment, i am still able to give some break-time for myself to watch the movie. *relief* some relax i  have there. But then, my stomach was having tornado's though, *bad stomach*.

-je t'aime pour toujours,et il ne changera jamais-

-maintenant et pour toujours-