what kind of shit is this?

oh my god!!!!all the bank sucks man...
uGh..
i hate it because u have to back a few time's. everytime they will they u they need smth which u dun hv it with u...

two years ago i open public bank. they told me they need my birth cert!!!!
what????ic not enuf? wan birth cert..
uGh.....

then now maybank??
they tell me they need my offer letter from uni..
what shit is this????
oh my god..
i had to wake up early in the morning. follow my dad to the bank..
and now i have to go to the bank in the afternoon again!!!
what the----......
*siGh*

what most guys won't do..

Every girl dreams that oneday, shewill find aguy that does these things for her.Even the smallest action can have

THE BIGGEST impact insomeone's life.

GIVE HER ONE OF YOUR T-SHIRTS TO SLEEPIN.

LEAVE HER CUTE TEXT MESSAGES.

KISS HER IN FR0NT 0F Y0UR FRIENDS.

TRUST HER 0VER EVERY0NE ELSE.

TELL HER SHE L00KS BEAUTIFUL.

L00K HER IN THE EYE WHEN Y0U TALK T0HER.

LET HER MESS WITH Y0UR HAIR.

MESS WITH HER HAIR.

UST WALK AR0UND WITH HER.

F0RGIVE HER F0R HER MISTAKES.

L00K AT HER LIKES SHE'S THE 0NLY GIRLY0U SEE.

TICKLE HER EVEN WHEN SHE SAYS ST0P.

H0LD HER HAND EVEN WHEN Y0U ARE AROUND Y0UR FRIENDS.

WHEN SHE STARTS SWEARING AT Y0U TELL HER Y0U L0VE HER.

LET HER FALL ASLEEP IN Y0UR ARMS.

GET HER MAD, THEN KISS HER.

TEASE HER & LET HER TEASE Y0U BACK.

STAY UP WITH HER ALL NIGHT WHEN SHES SICK.

WATCH HER FAV0RITE M0VIE WITH HER

KISS HER F0REHEAD.

GIVE HER THE W0RLD.

WRITE HER LETTERS.

LET HER WEAR Y0UR CL0THES.(SWEATSHIRTS)

WHEN SHES SAD, HANG 0UT WITH HER.

LET HER KN0W SHE'S IMP0RTANT.

LET HER TAKE ALL THE PH0T0S 0F Y0U SHE WANTS.

KISS HER IN THE RAIN.

CALL HER EVERY NIGHT.

AND WHEN Y0U FALL IN L0VE WITH HER,TELL HER.

AND WHEN Y0U D0 TELL HER.

L0VE HER LIKE Y0U NEVER L0VED BEF0RE.

another afternoon with my gorgor..

gor today wasn't free for lunch..=[
i had to go to skul and sit there like an idiot..
uGh..i could have at least went oposite to eat there..
well, it's skul..and ppl do not like me..
*siGh*..
i dunno why also..
it's not like i did anything wrong oso..

after choir practise..
gor came and pick me up..
=]
hehez..
as usual he was there...
in his while toyota..
haha...
today i wore a white shirt bought from his shop..
he was a lil shocked..
well, i was cold this morning..
that's why i wore long sleeve..
and i love it too.
=]

hehez..and then i took my camera out and showed him the picture's i took in my roon this morning..he was shocked that my room was so messy..
haha...then i showed him my photo..(forgot that he was driving..)..haha..
he was like..''wa...you reli tot i driving no need see road..''( in cantonese)
haha..
he's cute...i love the way he drives..haha..i think i've sed that like a million time's..
being with him makes me feel so comfortable..
well, unlike other's..we rarely speak in the car...but gor is not like that ma..
gor is like a passenger like that..
haha..
dunno why o..
he went to town to buy baby hotdogs and fried chicken and a drink..
then he ask me drink..it was some kind of tea which is dunno sour or bitter...*eww..*
he kept asking me to drink it but i din want it..
i dunno how he could stand it..
i could not even tahan the smell..
today go round town then went to DR park there...haha..
then we all there..i ask him to write advise what to do or not while i'm in kl..
he wrote down 16 advice..

1.Don't go out with streage friends..[ well, define strange..]
2. don't go out alone at night..[ you come pui me lo..]
3. don't go near beach..[ why????]
4. must take breakfast and lunch..[ what about dinner?]
5. MUST...Must drink more water...[haha..you feed me a??]
6. Don't skip class...[ help me!!!]
7. Be smart and hardworking..[ i very stupid wan wor..]
8. don't easily close with friends..[ later ppl think i chun a...]
9. SLEEP EARLY....[ what bout u??]
10. DOn't but things that's not necessary..[haha...erm..]
11. Aware from danger..[ how would i know where's danger??]
12. Aware of stranger..[haha...this...erm..]
13. Pay attention in class...[haha...what do you think??]
14. Don't play internetso often..[ not fair..=(..]
15. Don't easily fall inlove with someone...[haha..we'll see when time come's..=p]
16. Go out with one gang of frnez, avoid alone...[ you know i hate alone rite??]

haha...gorgor's 16 advice and my comment..
hehez....
he sed...[TO BE CONTINUE....]


after that it was 4..he fetch me to my dad's clinic d..
and stopped 2 blocks away..
he kept asing me to drink it..
but i reli dunwan..
but to since he's my gorgor..
so i took a small sip..
and .....
OOOOHHHHHHH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i could tahan the taste...
*disgust*
ewww......
uGh.....
blek!!!!
and he was laughing and still drinking it..
how could he drink it i dunno..
uGh...

then we hugged...
=]
*aw...*so cute...
hehez..=]
he kept saying that he very worry me go kl..
dunno why le?
have to ask him..
haha...

last day in school

today was the last day i was gong back to amc to teach the girls singing..
and practises were as usual..
when it was 3 o'clock i was leaving soon. it was then miss yau, the choir teacher called me. i stood there thinking that they were going to announce smth..
then it was then they al started looking at me...joiy was holding a big card.
wow..
well..okie...haha...she passed it to me..and miss yau, pn anne and alexis announced that i did the song's. they all said thank you and the teacher loved the songs..
=') i'm happy...and i'm touched that they even did that to me..
i remember the last time when i stood there..looking at them and my tears came down was the time i told them i wanted to quit because of my parents..
well, here was i again..the tears blurring up my vision..
now i kew i was appreciated..
thank you alotz...
and i will pray for them...to amc is the best team!!!=']

i got a bracelet with my name 'LING' from miss yau and pn anne..

i love them..thanx alot..
=]

i'm sick..=[

oh my god...

i'm sick..

no....=[....

i'm got slight fever and flu...

uGh..i think it's from my mom...

shit...

another 25 Q...wow...it made me realize

1.Do you still talk to the first person you kissed?
yes..

2. Have you ever seen your bestfriend naked?
shouldn't this be a secret??

3. Do you like more than one person right now?
like??i like everyone..xian, carol, chris, louis, zack...and someone...

4. Are you against same sexmarriage?
not really..

5. Where are you going on your next vacation?
vacation???most prob pinang??

6. Who are you going with?
*siGh*..family...unless.=] frenz..

7. If you could have one super power what would it be?
to be free and invinsible, to do what i want, and get what i want...[ haha..i sound so spoilt]

8. What is your favorite sound?
music..the sound of nature.sound of laughter..

9. Favorite movie of all time?
wow...there's too much...

10. Have you ever gone to therapy?
????

11. Have you ever Played Spin the bottle?
yea...

12. Have you ever liked someone but never told them?
sure...

13. Have you ever had a crush on your brother/ sister's friend?
haha...yea....but i was like...so small..

14. Have you ever gone to a beach?
yea...

15. Have you ever been to a strip club?
definately not...but i din know there was anyway..

16. Have you ever had a stalker?
yea..

17. Have you ever gone skinny dipping?
haaha...obviously not...

18.Have you ever laughed so hard you cried?
haha...sure..it happens...and stomach cramp too..

19. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?
it sure happens..

20. Have you ever lied to your parents?
who doesn't?

21. What do you miss right now?
him, xian, chris, carol...

22. Ever eaten 3 meals from 3different fast food places in one day?
yes..but i eat very lil...

23. Last song you listened to?
when in all falls apart- the veronicas

24. Who was the last person who calledyou?
chris!!!

25. If you could be anywhere right nowwhere would it be?
out??

wow

wow..i never realized that this 30 Question could make me feel so...
uGh..i dunno how to say..

it sounds like i'm desperately wanting to leave home, to go out to see the world..
wow..
and the only person i mention happy is my brother..
wow..
chris...
haha...

30 Q...

1. How old will you be in five years?
23 on 14th september..

2. Who did you spend at least two hourswith today?
alone..

3. How tall are you?
158cm..i think

4. What do you look forward to most in the next six weeks?
going to college, kl. chinese new year. and then going back to kl again..

5. What's the last movie you saw
happy birthday..

6. Who was the last person you called?
my darling brother

7. Who was the last person to call you?
my darling brother

8. What was the last text message youreceived?
a song lyrics composed from my brother to me..
[ do i have to write the lyris out??]

10. Do you prefer to call or text?
depends on my mood and whther my parents are around or not. normally i prefer to be on the phone..i talk alot..

11. What were you doing at 12am lastnight?
being lectured by my parents..

12. Are your parentsmarried/divorced/separated?
married

13. When is the last time you saw yourmom?
an hour and a half ago..she was asking me go to follow her out but i refuse

14. What color are your eyes?
i think it shud b black

15. What time did you wake up today?
i think around 11 in the morning..

16. What are you wearing right now?
haha..you wouldn't wanna know..

17. What is your favorite christmas song?
let it snow, white christmas, have yourself a merry christmas, deck the halls, jingle bell rock, winterwonderland

18. Where is your favorite place to be?
haha..does my brother's car count? as long as with friends or my bro, anywhere is fine, just not with my parents around near..

19. Where is your least favorite placeto be?
home..

20. Where would you go if you could go anywhere?
anywhere with my bro or friends..around the world would be best..

21. Where do you think you'll be in 10years?
i'm not sure..probably working or having the time's of my life..haha

22. Do you tan or burn?
haha..i have sensitive skin..

23. What did you fear was going to get?
nagging and lectures from my parents..my ex-bf did not want me..

24. What was the last thing that reallymade you laugh?
haha...laugh as in how? last thing that made me laugh?..erm...my brother!!^^

25. How many TVs do you have in yourhouse?
3, living room, parents room and my bro's room. i dun even have one..

26. How big is your bed?
single..i sleep alone..

27. Do you have a laptop or desktop computer?
both, but i prefer a laptop..i'm using a hand-down from my sis while she's getting a new one...

28. Do you sleep with or withoutclothes on?
i know malaysia is hot..but i'm not so desperate for coldness..

29. What color are your sheets?
i change everyweek, now it's red..

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?
2, with a bolster and all my teddy bears..

31. What was the last thing you ate?
bread with tuna, cha xiu pao...

5 more days

5 more days to go and i'll be leaving ipoh till cny..
*siGh*
dunno to be excited or to be nervous or sad..

maybe i'm just afraid that things will not work out well there. I mean as in are people going to like back in amc?? where they are not your friends. but they are just using you or your fake friends..

going to lim kok wing is a big change.i'm going to kl. living in a condominium with roomates. this is all like i would see in the movie? what happens if my roomate doesn't like me? LimkokWing is not a cheap place. everybody who asked me or knew i was going there gave me a ''oh! sure la..rich ppl ma..'' kinda look and reaction. *siGh*..limkokwing was where i wanted to go since i was 15. has that decision change.

going to LKW has made me suffer ll the nagging from my mom. my dad know's i love it. now they are telling me to apply any scolarship that i could get. sometime's i even feel that my mom doesn't want me to continue studying. she has this disappointment face that is showing that she thinks that this course i am taking is a waste of time and money. she keeps telling me one semester is dunno how many years of her work.

sometime's i feel so frustrated that i feel like getting out her. sometime's i wonder, if i just simply chose a course she liked and in tar. would she be much happier? would she shut up?*siGh*..all my teachers back in school said that they expected that i would go this road and i will succes in this. all my fRenZ support me. but the only person who seem to be unhappy about it is my mom. even my dad did not say much. i know that my sister and my dad is afraid that i would change my mind. but no i won't. this is a course i chose. *siGh*..

what am i to do with them? i'm leaving this weekend. and my mom only knows nothing but to nag and nag and nag non-stop. when she wants to be happy she thinks everybody can be happy with her..one minute she's scolding me. then next she smiles. while i'm still mad because the first minute. then i glare at her. and the third miinute she start scolding say everytime she tries to talk nicely to me i glare at her.

does she have a mind? it's bcz the first mintue i was mad at her she thinks i was always mad at her. yea! i'm always mad at her. but has she thought about her ownself? sometime's i reli do envy my frenz parents while 'm stuck with this pair. yea! ppl say that parents have to understand their children. haha...as if my parents do..

*siGh*..my dad always tell me i can talk to him about EVERYTHING..i dun reli tell him everything. i only tell him like one out of ten. and my mom is screaming that i only tell my dad and not her. with her situation like this. can i tell her? it's not like i dun tell her anything. i told her bout ivy and me. i told her bout my classmates before i even told my dad. i told her bout choir which i did not tell my dad at all..and she is complaining that i dun tell her things?
what does she wants from me?

sometime's i wonder if she has any brain's in that coconut head of her's..
*siGh*..

deep down inside me.. there's this relief feeling that i am going to kl this weekend..
but there is also an emptiness inside me...

where you are-jessica simspon and nick

There are times
I swear
I know you're here
When I forget about my fears

Feeling you my dear
Watchin over me
And my hope seeks
What the future will bring

When you wrap me in your wings
And take me?


Where you are
Where you and I will breathe together
Once again
We'll be dancing in the moonlight
Just like we used to do
And you'll be smilin back at me
Only then will I be free
When I can be

Where you are
And I can see your face
Your kiss I still can taste
Not a memory erased
Oh, I see your star
Shining down on me
And I'll do anything
If I could just
Be right there?

Then I will be free
So take me where you are
Now baby there were times when selfishly
I'm wishing that you are here with me
So I can wipe the tears away from your eyes
And make you see
That every night while you are dreamin
I'm here to guard you from a far
And anytime I feel alone
I close my eyes and just be there?

Where you are
Where you and I can breathe together
(and we will breathe together baby)
Once again (oh, we'll be dancing in the moonlight)
We'll be dancin in the moonlight
Just like we used to be
And you'll be smilin back at me (only then will I be free)
Then I will be free

Baby I still believe
Oh I've got to believe
I will touch you that sweet day
That you take me there
Where you are
I still believe
Oh I've got to believe
I will touch you that sweet day
That you take me there
Where you are
Oh where you are
I've got to believe
I'll always be waiting here
That sweet day yeah
Only wanna be where you are
I still believe

does your name say you?

c: is wild and crazy
A: likes to drink
T: loyal to those you love
E: a good kisser
R: F*ckin crazy
I: loyal to those you love
N: Dead sexy
E: a good kisser


A: likes to drink
B: Likes people
C: is wild and crazy
D: Has one of the best personalitiesever.
E: A GOOD KISSER
F: People adore you.
G: never let people tell you what to do
H: Have a very good personality and looks.
I: Loyal to those you love.
J: Lives life for fun.
K: Really silly.
L: Loved by everyone
M: Makes dating fun
N: Dead sexy.
O: Best in bed.
P: Popular with all types of people.
Q: A hypocrite.
R: F*ckin crazy
S: Easy to fall in love with
T: Loyal to those you love.
U: Really like to chill.
V: Not judgemental.
W: Very broad minded.
X: Never let people tell you what todo.
Y: One of the best damn bf/gf anyonecould ask for.
Z: Always ready.


i saw this in the bulletin borad in friendster...

sunday afternoon

today, i went to church in the morning.
Chris wasn't free at first. so i was like ..''oh shit! i have to be alone again..''
woke up at 7 smth in the morning and had to get ready to go church..
still feeling very blur. i HAD TO wake up..
so...

i changed and left for church..
sitting there was cold..
cz it was fully air-con.
then after an hour. i walked around and simon called me.
then he said not to leave as he wants to talk to me.
and i told ppl i was leaving on sat..[ wohoo!!!]

so then ppl started asking what i was doing and stuff like that..
then kelvin called saying he doesn't want me to leave him and don't go kl..
uGh...

i saw albert..[ i think it was him..]
and then i quickly run to parade..
haha..
i bought sweets!!!![ skittles...]..i love sweets..
can't blame me..^^

and i bought a phone key chain..
with my name on it..
haha..
then chirs called me..
and we chatted..
ppl was STARING at me..
i thin kit's bcz i was using hands-free..
that's why...
hmmm..

then in the afternoon, mom sed to go to chris shop..
i was like..
okie!i need to get a pair of pants..
so then, we went around three..
and then we surf round the shop..
i couldn't help it but laugh and smile..

i got a pair of jeans,
then we sed go yam cha..
it was then my mom saw clothes and wanted to see it..
so, then we spend time sitting there while she was chosing her clothes...

then we sat chris car to kopitiam..
i din know what reaction to give..
seriously, my mom was there and...
u know...

haiz...*sigh*

so it was then,
after that they chatted so much there...
i was so tired..
i almost fell asleep..
=__=ZzZzZzZ

haha....
so, that's today..
at least i got to see gorgor..
haha

*hugz*

haha

i hate vege...


seriously..


I HATE IT!~!!~!~!~!~!~!!~!~!~


so there was once we were having dinner..and i push it aside...
an guess what my dad sed???

'' for the sake of your butt......''


i was like...O_o???''

for the sake of what?????????

''-________-''''''


he actually uses word like that to make a joke..
haha..i coudn't stop laughing...

>.<

i was online chatting with a friend today..and this was the convo..

fren: hey!!!
me: HELLO!~!~!~!~!
fren: can i ask u smth?
me: yea?
fren: who's chris?
me: my bro..
fren: ...
me: why?
fren: isn't ur bro name matthew?
me: haha..yea..that's my other bro...
fren: so....wh's chris??
me: my bro..why?
fren: reli??
me: ...how's u wan me to answer you?
fren: nothing..jx curios..
me: huh??
fren: tell me..
me: tell you wat?
fren: u and chris..
me: huh? he's my bro..
fren: are u serious???or izit just an excuse for him to get to you?
me: hey!!!he's my bro..
fren: so??well, all the guys get god sis just an excuse to get them..
me: ...
fren: what ya doing?thinking him?
me: NO!!!!! and he's my bro..
fren: so? doesn't mean u dun hv a thing for him..
me: come on..he has a gf..
fren: lame excuse.
me: it's real!!!he has her pic in her wallet..
fren: could be his mom..
me: NO!!
fren: ok..what bout his sis?
me: haiz.
fren: hey! chill..i'm just saying that mayb he reli like's you..
me: come one!!! what makes u think he like's me?
fren: well, your cute. sweet, funny and you're what a guy is looking for..
me: no..
fren: yea...come one..how many guys are after you?
me: stop it!
fren: ok!ok!ok!..


......after a long time...


fren: hey! about chris...
me: what do you want me to do? go up and say 'hey chris! do u love me?as in your gf?' you must be nuts..noway i'm going to do that..
fren: okie..



.....after long while....

fren: why no reply? thinking him??
me: *&^%$#$%^&*&^%$#$%^&*XYZ@#!!!&*%$#..............




i'm so speechless at my fren...

it's not everday where u find a friend which is one of a kind..

when she is sad..you will be sad..

when she's not well, you feel all uncomfortable..

when she's happy, you pray that she will be happy forver..

this is how i feel for my best friend..
my tears would not stop..

they just flow because she is my friend..

nomatter what happens..

she's my friend FOREVER!!!!

god may take everything away..
but god can't take that away from me..
nomatter which corner of the world we are in..

i wanna tell you..
i will always be in your heart..=]




*hugz*

*sobs*

T.T...*sobs*....*sniff*

i am your friend now and forever i will be..


don't ever say that i am not your friend..DON'T ever say that...because i am your friend.. it has been a friendship of 8 years...and i have always been your friend..we had misunderstanding's..we were apparted and brought closely together again.. we spend christmas together..part of the fun was preparing for it..buying presents for each other..putting up the christmas tree.. then there were the nights where we sit on the bed watching tv till we fall asleep..making maggie mee in the middle of the night..cream of mushroom soup.. swimming in the condo..walking to condo...walking the dogs in roller-blades..goin got jj on saturday afternoon and night,,playing ddr and dj.. the funniest memories we first ever had was my flowery dress..and the rest keeps pilling up.. this is a friendship which i only find it in you..it has been a year plus since you were not always here..but i have always been your friend..i have always been thinking of you..how are you?are you ok? how are things going on? do you miss me?? everytime u come bek..happiness comes around me..everytime u leave..i'll be thinkin when will b the next time u come bek.. but whter u come bek anot..it's the heart that counts..




I AM YOUR FRIEND NOW AND FOREVER I WILL BE YOUR FRIEND...



*hugz*...

xian..i love you...

afternoon with mom

today my mom and i chatted in kopitiam..[ in al places..]
she started asking me what kind of guy i like..
then she was asking me when do i plan to get marry!!!O_o....
i was like...''you wait ten years la..''
then she was like..O_O....''NO!!TOO LONG!!!''
-___________________________-''''....speechless...
hahaha...reli..i dunno what to say when she said that...
then she was like asking me what type and character of guy i like...
haiz....reli speechless with her..
haha..i told her..''mom!!i am looking for a cute, handsome, useful, rich, loyal, tall, fit guy''..
haha..her turn to be speechless....hehez....
then i say..my husband needs to have a boutique..be the boss..then i can have all the clothes i want..
haha...
she was totally speechless..
then she ask what happens if there's no guy like this..
i say...too bad...
haha...

fate at night market

Today is Wednesday and the night market is at stadium that area. So I told dad that I wanted to eat lok lok so I asked dad to bring me there. We went there at out nine something. I thought that I would be able to see Chris there but I couldn’t see him. I walked round the whole place and couldn’t see him at all. So, after eating and so, dad said to go home and I had no choice. I was feeling a little disappointed cause of not seeing him.
On the way to the car, something happened. I saw this guy walking out from the toilet looking very familiar. So I looked again and realized that it was Chris. He was looking around and then he saw me and he was shocked too. he got in the car and when I pass by his car I looked into the car and smiled at him. It was hilarious. Both of us thought that we would not have the fate to be able to see each other at the night market and I was only few meters from the car.
I message him when I got in the car. He even thought the same thing, thinking we had no fate seeing each other in the stadium. This weird feeling came over us and we knew nothing but to smile and laugh inside us. This is something I know both of us would remember.

an afternon with my dear brother

Today, I spend almost the whole day with Chris. I woke up at ten in the morning and washed up and changed. And then I asked my bro to buy sum food for carol. I spend the morning playing with my laptop while waiting for my bro to pick me up. So then, he came at 12 like that with the food then we left after he ask me to eat an egg tart. But I did not finish it. He ate the other half.
At first we went to ivy’s place to drop off her book. And then we had no idea where to go. So he brought me to the highway. Haha… He went all the way to kuala kangsar. We went into the tunnel... [ on the way to penang…]
Until we decided to go to jj to watch a movie. So he headed back to Ipoh. Today he drove with no hands again!!!haha… he’s leg was controlling the steering wheel. Well, it’s not like in your mind where you use your toes. But he used his knees. I was like…’’wow!!! That is so cool. I gotta learn how to do that.’’ It’s such a sad case that I have not even listen to the law test. uGh…it’s so depressing.
We were laughing in the car and he was driving. I admire him so much that he could do that. I feel so lucky to be his little sister. He’s car is interesting. He had so many things around in the car. He even had a compass!!! Haha… unlike my car at home is clean and neat. It looks so empty…
We reached jj about half an hour time…wait! I think less than that. I wasn’t keeping the track of the time though. Then he did another amazing thing! I never thought that he would find a parking at the second floor. But he did. It wasn’t a place my family would park. Because he reversed through two pillars and then all the way to the back and parked next to the entrance. Reversing in one thing. But he did it fast. It was as if he was going forward. Wow!!! Amazing!!! Love it!!! I love sitting in his car while he is driving. Because he’s driving is so perfect!!! And he knows so much. I am soo glad he would teach me. But I am afraid that I would kek sei him… haha..
We were outside the theatre and the both of us stood there for a moment. I was waiting for him to chose a movie. Then he chose the movie acted by louis khoo … I was find with that. We went in when it just started. He bought a popcorn, two drinks and a hot dog. We were in there and we watch the movie. Haha… in was kinda funny when he sang cause it reminded me of Chris singing in the car. I really laugh till my stomach hurt. When it almost ended, I don’t know what got into him. He started playing with the tissue paper’s and covering me in it. Haha…
After the movie, I went to Watson to get things. When I came out I couldn’t see him. So I called him, and he told me he was at secret recipe that area. I was like…what??why you there?.. haha… so I ask him to wait for me there and I went to look for him. Then he say go down because he saw sale. So we went to soda, then went to nike, giordano and went back. He bought a shirt though…
It was his suggestion to go to stadium to eat. He ordered a plate of chee Cheong fun for me. But I did not eat all. Because I wasn’t really hungry. One thing I knew is that Chris has a big mouth and he could eat up a very big portion. Haha… then I ask my dad to pick me up from parade because I was afraid my parents would see him. So, we went to parade and it started to rain. And then he went up to the rooftop. I wanted to go out in the rain but he wouldn’t allow me. Instead he hugged me and wouldn’t let me go. People would get the wrong idea of us. Haha… but it’s as usual, sometime’s it is as if they can’t accept the fact that two opposite sex are best friends or like bro and sis.
So then he dropped me off at the back there where I went to wait for my dad.

23rd january 2007

today my bro came bek..=]..and i damn happy...
i went to skul at 12.45 like that..
i thought that today would be boring because chirs was not here. but i met up with a teacher and we chatted and had lunch..
then we went to choir practises..as usual we had warm-up's and today i did it...
then we buck up on our volume and tune..
at 2.15 my bro msg me and say he will be at my skul at 2.45..i was DAMN happy..
wohoo!~!~!~!~!~!~!
haha..
my gorgor bek d..=]..
miss him so much and now his back..
haha..
and then i quickly teach and at 2.45 i told them i need to go liao..
when i reach the car...he looked at me and smile..
haha..then we started having a convo bout a convo phone we had earlier and was laughing over it.
he called me and told me he would me at my skul soon.
so i say can he wait 5 min?
i heard him say 3 min...
then i say ok 3min!byebye..
cz i was in a hurry to teach them..haha...
he was about to say if wait for 5 min then he go wah car..
but then i put down d..
haha.
so when i went to the car he go wash car..[2nd time go wash car]..
haha..i never go wash car before ga..
i mean as in those car-wash-machine-thingy...
haha..
he brought me the first time and i was like a kiddo being so fascinated..
haha...
then we went to parade...walk a lil while..and still laughing over the lady who hit he nose the previous time..
haha..
i couldn't help it but laugh..
=]..

23rd january 2007

today my bro came bek..=]..and i damn happy...
i went to skul at 12.45 like that..
i thought that today would be boring because chirs was not here. but i met up with a teacher and we chatted and had lunch..
then we went to choir practises..as usual we had warm-up's and today i did it...
then we buck up on our volume and tune..
at 2.15 my bro msg me and say he will be at my skul at 2.45..i was DAMN happy..
wohoo!~!~!~!~!~!~!
haha..
my gorgor bek d..=]..
miss him so much and now his back..
haha..
and then i quickly teach and at 2.45 i told them i need to go liao..
when i reach the car...he looked at me and smile..
haha..then we started having a convo bout a convo phone we had earlier and was laughing over it.
he called me and told me he would me at my skul soon.
so i say can he wait 5 min?
i heard him say 3 min...
then i say ok 3min!byebye..
cz i was in a hurry to teach them..haha...
he was about to say if wait for 5 min then he go wah car..
but then i put down d..
haha.
so when i went to the car he go wash car..[2nd time go wash car]..
haha..i never go wash car before ga..
i mean as in those car-wash-machine-thingy...
haha..
he brought me the first time and i was like a kiddo being so fascinated..
haha...
then we went to parade...walk a lil while..and still laughing over the lady who hit he nose the previous time..
haha..
i couldn't help it but laugh..
=]..

my dear gorgor is back..=]

gorgor!~!~!~!~!~!
i'm so happy that you are bek..=].
muakzxxx..
lots of love's and kisses..
=]..

my dear gorgor is back..=]

gorgor!~!~!~!~!~!
i'm so happy that you are bek..=].
muakzxxx..
lots of love's and kisses..
=]..

i love music..

music is my life..
and i love them..
they are like oksigen to me..=]..
music brings life into the world..
it's the best..
when you are happy, you like to jump and dance..
and with music..
it's perfect..
just like me..
no music..
no ailing..
so music is important..
imagine you are doing nothing..
what do you hear?
birds chirping?
those are music too..
haven't you see sleeping beauty?or cinderella?
even the mouses sing's.=]
rite??
well, it's life..
haha...

dance is my passion..
even though i know i'm not the best..
but it's the heart and the interest..
=]..
hehez..

i wanna learn latin, tango, quickstep and etc etc etc..
i wanna learn ice-skating..
do u think it's possible??

it hurts

oW...mY sTomAcH hUrTs..
hAiZ...
i dUnNo wHy..
=[..
iT fEeLs sO uNcOmfOrtAbLe..

my lovely gorgor...

my lovely gorgor...
you are my best gorgor..=]...
love you sOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOOOOoOoOoOoO much..
hehez...
i love telling you things..
becz i feel happy and uncomfortable..
i can't tell ppl that i miss him. or i am angry or i feel bored and sad..
i can't go around calling them just for the sake of fun..
cz luilui very sanfan ma..
rite??
and ppl talk bad bout luilui ga..[mostly girls..]
the guys a..
they are different than you.
they make me feel as though i still have to protect myself from them.
many things cannot say..
but not like gorgor..
gorgor love me ma..
rite?
gorgor sayang and sek me..
that's why..
i know ga..
hehez..
i feel comfortable with gorgor cz i can act any as i wan and gorgor will still love me..
and other than that many things i dunno gorgor teach...
and many things gorgor know about me when no need me to say..
hehez..
love ya..
=]...
smuakzxxx

happy b'lated birthday..i'm sorry

a very happy b'lated birthday i wish to you...
i love you and all i wanted was you to be happy..
but maybe it wasn't a rght time and i screwed it up...
i'm sorry..
maybe mun yew's half cake was better than the suprise that i wanted to give u..
i'm sorry..
all i just want to was to make you happy.
but instead, dad scolded you and made you mad...
i'm sorry..
i feel so bad..

as u just came in and say thank you that it was my idea..
i do hope that you know that i have always wanted you to be happy..
there were many things in my life that you helped me since i was small...
and i thank reli much for it.
i know at one time you hated me very much because that was what you told me when we were in new zealand..
you did not tell me specificly wat reli happen or what did i do to make you reli hate me..
but i do hope that i will know.
so that i would learn and not repeat the same thing.
there was even the time and the things you said you would do but you broke of your promise.
.i felt reli disappointed but i just smiled and say it's ok..
i always tell myself that there's always another time..
i do not blame you for not turning up on the day i performed on stage in the choir..
but at that moment i reli wanted you to be there..i wanted you to see me and be proud of your little sister...

i love you so much because you are my one and only sister and nobody could replace that in my heart..i'm sorry for all the things i have done..

tears..

the tears in my eyes...
they are not coming out..
they were just blurring up my vision..
why??
i loved him for what?
what's the point?
what benefit's do i get?
in this world now. girls are stronger..but i still love the attention..
but why?
why does this happen to me???was it smth wrong i did in the past??

an afternoon with mom

this whole morning i went online..chatted with eric..and bout 2 i offline when my family came home..[excluding carol]..so then we were having lunch..
i asked my mom..'' mom!where you going this afternoon?''
she said no where...
i nodded with disappointment..
then she ask where did i wan to go..
and i said dunno..
then she kept asking..then i say ''let's go parade..''
then she looked at me..i purposely look away..haha..

i was playing piano in a down mood. it was den my mom called..''ling!if you wanna go parde u beta change.''
so i just change into my long pants..an got ready to go out..
we went to parade and we went to see the shoes!!!i wanna get them..they are oni RM40 like that...
it's not anything special but it attracted me..mayb i shud get opinion from chris first..
and then we went into body glove and i bought two black shirt and a long pants..mom bought a shirt..
haha...
then we bought a cake to celebrate carol's birthday, which was last year december..wow...
haha..

when it all falls apart-the veronicas

I'm having the day from hell,
It was all going so well (before you came)
And you told me you needed space,
With a kiss on the side my face (not again)
And not to mention (the tears I shed)
But I should have kicked your (ass instead)
I need intervention
Attention to stop temptation to scream

Cause baby
Everything is F'ed up straight from the heart
Tell me what do you do, when it all falls apart
Gotta pick myself up where do I start
Cuz I can't turn to you when it all falls apart
No

Don't know where I parked my car
Don't know who my real friends are (anymore)
I put my faith in you
What a stupid thing to do (when it rains it pours)
And not to mention (I drank too much)
I'm feeling hung over (and out of touch)
I need intervention
Attention to stop temptation to scream

Cause baby
Everything is F'ed up straight from the heart
Tell me what do you do, when it all falls apart
Gotta pick myself up where do I start
Cuz I can't turn to you when it all falls apart
No

Can it be easier?
Can I just change my life?
Cause it just seems to go bad everytime
Will I be mending?
another one ending once again

Everything is F'ed up straight from the heart
Tell me what do you do, when it all falls apart
Gotta pick myself up where do I start
Cuz I can't turn to you when it all falls apart
No [x2]

Falls apart
Gotta pick myself out cause things are mended

i love that song

i love that song..everything i'm not..
it was a song i would sing to him..
she was everything he wasnted and i was losing my self..
to somebody who did not want me..
i sound like an iidiot..
but i reli love him...haiz....

the veronicas-everything i'm not[lyrics]

Oh no
Don't go changing
That's what you told me from the start
Thought you were something different
That's when it all just fell apart
Like you're so perfect
And I can't measure up
Well I'm not perfect
Just all messed up
I was losing myself to somebody else
But now I see
I don't wanna pretend
So this is the end of you and me
Cause the girl that you want
She was tearing us apart
Cause she's everything
Everything I'm not
It's not like I need somebody
Telling me where I should go at night
Don't worry you'll find somebody
Someone to tell how to live their life
Cause your so perfect
And no one measures up
You're all by yourself
and all messed up

I was losing myself to somebody else
But now I see
I don't wanna pretend
So this is the end of you and me
Cause the girl that you want
She was tearing us apart
Cause she's everything
Everything I'm not
Now wait a minute
Because of you
I never knew all the things that I had
Hey don't u get it
I'm not going anywhere with you tonight
Cause this is my life
I was losing myself to somebody else
But now I see
I don't wanna pretend
So this is the end of you and me
Cause the girl that you want
She was tearing us apart
Cause she's everything
Everything I'm not
But now I see
I don't wanna pretend
So this is the end of you and me
Cause the girl that you want
she was tearing us apart
Cause she's everything
Everything I'm not

i miss him

this is one of the days i sit down wondering what-is-he-doing..sometime's i reli wonder..am i wrong?or him???why does he love me not??i feel so sad..it was like a nightmare..one day, he love's you soOoO much that you feel that he's your world and u gave him ur love. then the next minute??*puff*..he doesn't love you anymore...is it possible??it was like he has been brainwash or smth like that..it's so hurting...
i could remember his smile..i am still keeping his letter.. i re-read them. and i could still feel as if he still love me..i don't reli belive that tautau is his new gf now..
it's imposibble..
no..
it can't be...

but it was what everybody sez...i feel so down and left all alone..but why do i still feel the hope inside???because he was the first guy i truly ever fell in love before.. the one guy i would willngly change. never i felt this feeling inside me before. i have been in puppy lov and he was the love i found and now i lost it.
i can assure that even if i had other boyfriends in my life. not any could gimme this feeling again. cz nobody could ever replace him...

sometime's i wonder.. all i just want to see is his smile. because seeing him happy is all i needed to see..

This morning I woke up and nine o’clock and I had to follow my sister to the dental. I did a check-up too. She said that I need to leave it on for a while… haiz….
I couldn’t make my next appointment because I am in kl and I am not sure when I would be coming back and stuff like that.
She asked me when I was leaving and when I told her 3rd of feb. she told me it’s next weekend.
I was like…’’wow!!! So fast already???’’
Jumping with joy in my heart. It’s going to be next weekend already!!

i sound like a kid

I sound like a kiddo. Yeah. But I am DAMN happy le...
Yeah. Carol brought me out yesterday. I know you must be thinking.
‘’going out only ma. Who also can la!’’
But no. she brought me clubbing…
Wakaka… sounds weird. But yeah. At first I thought she was going to bring me out to some coffee shop place or a sit down quiet place. But no! We picked Ben and Dan up and we went to Greentown corner there to sit and just drink. Ben ate like he never ate before. Dan kept quiet all the time. Well, I guess there wasn’t much attraction between the both of us. Then their friends came. And about half-an-hour later. We went to stairway.
At first Ben and Carol were like, they preferred Y2K.
But we still went to stairway. Then Ben asked me to walk in front of him. At least carol did not leave me alone…[I was afraid she would do that…]
So then we were in there. The music blasting, we were just sitting there drinking beer and all sudden my sister ask me to join her dancing!!!haha…you know what? I am afraid nobody would do that with me in kl. Haiz..
So then carol kept giving me hints what to do and what not to do. And anything ever happen’s. contact her boyfriend. Haha… at least I know that she was just trying to be careful and doesn’t want anything bad happening to me in kl. As I don’t know ANYTHING!!!
I came home and straight went to the bathroom. As I was all red. [sensitive skin…] lucky that my parents were sleeping. =]…

When I was in the car going back, I had a message. ‘’dude..why go back so early?’’
I first reaction was like..who was that? So I told my sister and my sister ask me to ask her who is it. Then he replied saying Ben’s friend. And carol ask me to message Ben and ask him. So I asked him. Ben said that his friends asked for my number..

What do they know about life?
Why can’t they just fuck off?
I just so want this two weeks to fuckingly pass by ASAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Then I sun hv to be stuck in this fucking house..
Until Chinese new year.
Fucking shit!!!
I’m damn angry and I have no fucking ppl to talk about it!!
And they always say ‘ tell me if there’s anything!’
Yea rite!!! I’ll wanna tell them to fuck of and leave me alone!
Families are your best friend! Haha..very funny.. this is the worse joke I have ever heard!
It’s so lame…
For me. Family are like Chris, Robert.
They care for you. They listen to everything you say. They cheer you up. They are my best friend and family. Well, at least I am SOMETHING to them!!! They care when I am sick. They love me. What bout you guys? You only know how to fuck and scold. Guess what? I’m tired. And why can’t you just leave me alone? You guys keep asking me why I don’t study in tar college?
You think I’m dumb? You think I’m stupid? You guys think that me going to lim kok wing is a waste of money and you guys think that I do design is something I think it’s fun?
Well, let me tell you!
YES I THINK IT’S FUN !!!BUT WITH HARD WORK!!!
I’m not stupid ok? I can do things. Chris and Robert appreciate me.
They know what I am good at. I have always wanted designing but I just did not tell you.
And fuck the comparing’s!! what the hell is it with you guys comparing me with every single EXCELLENT person in the world?
And stop calling me a prostitiued!!!
Because I’m fuckingly not one!!!!!

What do they know about life?
Why can’t they just fuck off?
I just so want this two weeks to fuckingly pass by ASAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Then I sun hv to be stuck in this fucking house..
Until Chinese new year.
Fucking shit!!!
I’m damn angry and I have no fucking ppl to talk about it!!
And they always say ‘ tell me if there’s anything!’
Yea rite!!! I’ll wanna tell them to fuck of and leave me alone!
Families are your best friend! Haha..very funny.. this is the worse joke I have ever heard!
It’s so lame…
For me. Family are like Chris, Robert.
They care for you. They listen to everything you say. They cheer you up. They are my best friend and family. Well, at least I am SOMETHING to them!!! They care when I am sick. They love me. What bout you guys? You only know how to fuck and scold. Guess what? I’m tired. And why can’t you just leave me alone? You guys keep asking me why I don’t study in tar college?
You think I’m dumb? You think I’m stupid? You guys think that me going to lim kok wing is a waste of money and you guys think that I do design is something I think it’s fun?
Well, let me tell you!
YES I THINK IT’S FUN !!!BUT WITH HARD WORK!!!
I’m not stupid ok? I can do things. Chris and Robert appreciate me.
They know what I am good at. I have always wanted designing but I just did not tell you.
And fuck the comparing’s!! what the hell is it with you guys comparing me with every single EXCELLENT person in the world?
And stop calling me a prostitiued!!!
Because I’m fuckingly not one!!!!!

Fuck them la!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know what??
People say that family is the best?
Well guess what??
NO THEY ARE NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They think just because they are family they have he right to scold and torture you?
Haha..
They are the worst joke and worst nightmare.
And it’s the worst luck because I am stuck having them!!
Well, I don’t have them!!!
An I don’t want them!!!
Because they are fucking bitches and bastards!!!
LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

Fuck them la!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know what??
People say that family is the best?
Well guess what??
NO THEY ARE NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They think just because they are family they have he right to scold and torture you?
Haha..
They are the worst joke and worst nightmare.
And it’s the worst luck because I am stuck having them!!
Well, I don’t have them!!!
An I don’t want them!!!
Because they are fucking bitches and bastards!!!
LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

damn pissed

FUCKING PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I damn angry at the fucker’s now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They cannot leave me alone ga?
Ha?
What the fuck man??? Stupid useless assholes!!!
The stupid bitch was the one who let me dye it pink and now she want me to colour it back fucking black!!!!
Ok! Bad enough they scolded like FOREVER and EVER.
The convo ended yesterday!!!i was allowed to dye it back the colour I want!!!
Now?what the fuck are they saying???
She starts coming screaming in the room lke some stupid fucking asshole bitch!!!
Diu!!!
Stupid so hai!!!!chow hai!!!!
Only know how to diu and fuck!!!
go fuck her own asshole la!!!!then she start screaming everything I say I follow my dad. I don’t listen to her!!
I only listen to my dad. Only talk to my dad.
Ok la!!
Now I don’t talk!!!I don’t talk to any of the fucker’s!!!!
I don’t care what the fuck happen’s..
I am not talking to them!!
I get scolding for things my sister did not me!! What the fuck??
She was like.. ‘ppl dating at home. Why ur sister always go out?’ then she start scolding me bout my sister going out late at night.
What the fuck??
What the hell has it got to do with me?
Doesn’t she makes any sense?
She doesn’t even have a cow sense!!!! I think what she just has is some stupid fucking asshole so hai sense in her stupid fucking brains!!!
Then she start nagging me about EVERY FUCKING THING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ytd she start nagging why I din have my name in the school choir magazine book.
I mean..
What the fuck???
She was the one who thinks choir was a waste of time. And bli bla bli bla..all the fucking sense she thinks she’s talking. Then she ask how come I got the cert but no name. she thinks this world s easy like what she say ga? Ask her to fuck off la…
And guess what?
My school cert is written B because I don’t have a cocuriculum!
And it’s their fucking fault!!!
Bad enough my life is screwed up and all the fucking shit and they are still ruining it!!!
They have ruin like ¾ of my life!!!
Why can’t they leave me alone here??

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fuck them all la..
Ruining my life..
What the point of me being here then?
I was only a failure to them.
They think I spend a lot of money.
They say I go wild and crazy.
Well..i got one thing to say to them…

LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!
and
Fuck off!!!!!!!!!

inhale..exhale

(inhale)
tears begin to flood my face like a cup
left under a running faucet well after the water has reached the rim,
my heart leaping to my throat,
getting caught,
squeezing,
twisting,
tearing.
my throat contrating arong my emotion’s that threaten
to leap up & out of my lips,
my stomach
rumbling,
wrestling,
knotting.
my hands quiver as I reached up to blot the tiny teardrops,
leaving footprints down my sheeks.
the path that await’s me
suddenly seems like a pilgrimage,
one foot,
nest foot,
step,
step,
I see you.
(I see her)
you smile
(she leaves)
you ask how am i
(I lied)
I reply I’m fine
(even though my heart has just crept up into my mouth &
is jumping up & down on my tongue like an olympic
diver waiting to hit the water)
I want to say I miss you,
let you know that I miss your arms,
your smile,
your lips.
I want you to know that
(I’m incomplete)
my body hurts,
my soul bleeds.
I ask how you are
( hoping that against all hope that you’ll tell me what I want to
hear)
you reply,
( your answer not including that you miss me,
that you miss my arms, my lips, my touch)
my eyes attempt to strip you down your soul
(searching for what I once knew so well)
they get lost
( but find their way back to reality when they graze over the [ever-fading] hackey
just above the collar of the shrt she bought you)
my heart leaps off the end of my tongue,
wanting you to see the way you’ve hurt me
wanting you to hurt the same way.
It fall’s to the ground
you hastily say goodbye
stomping
squshing
mutilating
my vulnerable fallen heart
people pass by, as if i don’t exist
(I want to cry, scream, shout)
I want someone to find my heart,
bring it back together,
piece it together.
I turn away,
hoping that it won’t hurt
(as much)
and hoping that I will again be able to call you
and have you come over to me,
be able to buy you shirt’s that match your eveys
and will still be able to make your ear’s turn red from the friction of our lips.
I walk away,
knowing my heart will not follow.
( exhale)

the veronicas- forever [lyrics]

Here we are so what you gonna do
Do I gotta spell it out for you
I can see that you got other plans for tonight
But I don't really care
Size me up you know I beat the best
Tick tock on time to rest
Let them say what their gonna say
But tonight I just don't really care

Come on baby we aint gonna live forever
Let me show you all the things that we could do
You know I wanna be together
And I wanna spend the night with you
With you
Come with me tonight
We could make the night last forever

Ive seen it all I've got nothing to prove
Come on baby just make your move
Follow me lets leave it all behind tonight
Like me just don't care
Let me take you on the ride of your life
That's what I said alright
They can say what they wanna say
cuz tonight
I just don't even care

Come on baby we aint gonna live forever
Let me show you all the things that we could do
You know I wanna be together
And I wanna spend the night with you
With you
Come with me tonight
We could make the night last forever
Lets pretend your mine
We could just pretend,
we could just pretend,
yeah yeah
You got what I like
You got what I like,
I got what you like
Oh come on
Just one taste and you'll want more
So tell me what your waiting for

Come on baby we aint gonna live forever
Let me show you all the things that we could do
You know I wanna be together
And I wanna spend the night with you
With you
Come with me tonight
We could make the night last forever
Come on baby we aint gonna live forever
Let me show you all the things that we could do
You know I wanna be together
And I wanna spend the night with you
With you
Come with me tonight
We could make the night last forever

a disaster

It was as if a disaster came into my life. It was like a nightmare. Everything happened so fast. I never thought that it would happen so soon. Just a phone call and my life changed. The day before that was still ok. We went out. I went to his house. We laugh and were as if there was no tomorrow. But there was a tomorrow. Because tomorrow was the disaster. That morning, he ignored me, I message him and told him that I was going to the saloon. But he did not reply me. I went to parade all alone, his sister told me that they were not going out. Walking alone in parade was a thing I did not like to do. Especially those Malays who keep staring you and following you like a stalker. I was just outside the store ‘yes’ when I saw teddy, one of them, she asked me what I was doing there. I told her I was alone. And she did not believe me, she kept looking in places. She told me that Che Kee was here. I was shocked deep down inside. But I just kept quiet. So, when I saw Che Kee, she gave me a look like I wasn’t really welcome. I felt so uncomfortable. Thinking that going home Wei Bin would cheer me up. But no.
When I reached home, I called him. He was silent. So I asked him ‘’ Why are keeping silent and not saying a word?’’ then he answered ‘’ because you did not say anything at all.’’
So I said ‘’ Does it mean you do not have to say anything?’’ then he kept quiet and so did I. This went on for almost half an hour and then he hung up. I was mad and I called him back, but he did not pick up. I called again and again and he kept rejecting my call. Then he messages me saying that not to call him talk through message. I was stunned, at that moment I knew something wrong was going on. So I asked him what happen. He told me that we would be better as friends. I remember I was playing the piano. It was ‘’have yourself a merry little Christmas’’. I was shocked; I kept calling and ask what happen. I thought everything was ok before that? Then he told me that he rather be alone than having a girlfriend. He said he did not want to have a girlfriend. He told me that he love’s playing the computer. Deep down I was all confuse and my head was twirling. What happen? I never said I did not let him play computer games. I never said he could not hang out with his friends. But after all the things he had said. It didn’t sound like him. Was he being possessed overnight? Then he told me he doesn’t love me anymore. I couldn’t accept it. Then he did not on his phone. His sister did not like me and it was obvious because I remember Wei Bin told me that they had a fight and Che Kee said ‘’ok lo!now got ai ling no need me liao lo!’’ This has already proved that his sister did not like me and every time she see’s me.
After that conversation, he did not on his phone and I could not contact him anymore. I was left all alone in the dark. I was leaving for New Zealand. And all I hoped was just to hear wish me merry Christmas and just wish me all the best. But he never called. Standing at the gate, ten minute’s till boarding my plane, still no call, I stood there, wishing him silently in my heart. And I off my phone. Three weeks in New Zealand, three weeks of nothing but thought’s of him. I broke down many time’s in the toilet. And I always remember that day, 6th December 2006.
It was the day my life changed. I rejected every guy that came into my life. I was changed. I was not so simple to guys. My love for him is kept deep down in my heart. Nobody was as perfect as him. Maybe Mr. Right isn’t out here yet.

the beginning

Sometime’s I wonder if there was anything be wrong with me. Why do I longed for attention from people? Why do I love people going after me? Why do I love the attention? I’ve got so many people going after me. Isn’t it enough? As I sit here, I wonder, who treats me the best? What have I done? The more I think, the more I realize the mistakes I have done. What is this love everybody is talking about? How would you know that you actually are in a puppy love relationship but you think that it is true love? Once again I have been dumped, by the one whom I loved. ‘Love’ could be a word to say to friends, family, girlfriends and boyfriends. It could easily misunderstood by people. Everybody has feelings against everybody, which makes things even complicated. Every girl wants to be perfect. The popular girl in school where everybody admires and goes after. Who wants to be the nerds and the geeks where people do not mix with them? Where people laugh at them?
I never really knew what love was. But I knew I had a crush on this guy name Wei Bin. It was as I saw him somewhere in my fantasy-dream land before. He was walking down the stairs. Normally, I do not intend to look at the guys who walks down, but I just stand there hoping people would notice me. And it does, because guys intend to walk up to me and ask for my number. That day, I just glance up and I saw a very cute guy. I saw his name-tag written on ‘Fong Wei Bin’. I quickly asked my friend to find out who that is. But nobody wanted to tell me, because they knew I wanted him. Days passed by and nights drifted by, I only had a small crush on him. But who knew this small crush would grow into a big crush and made me realize so many things.
One day, I was at home as usual when my phone message rang, I picked it up as usual and read it. It was blank! Soon, it has miss calls from this mysteries number. So I send him a message asking who it was. After several minutes, I had a reply. ‘ I am Fong Wei Bin.’ I was thrilled. Could it be him? I kept asking myself over and over again. And I asked him how he got my number. It was a common question that I would ask every guy, but he replied saying that it was a secret. Deep down in my heart I was jumping with joy. We started to have a normal conversation introducing ourselves. I remember asking him when his birthday was he told me it was 16th September. I was a little shock, because my birthday was on the 14th September. It was a coincidence isn’t? The more we chatted, the more I had for him. Until one day he started calling me his big sister. It was more than enough to have a crush on a guy who is willingly being my small brother.
I started my Chinese lesson as this language wasn’t good and I needed improvement. As I stepped into the class, the numbers of guys were more than the girls. I quietly sat at the corner of the first row. As the teacher called out our names one by one to answer some question, I heard his name. Could it be him? So then I went home and send him a message asking if he was at the same Chinese tuition I was going. He replied saying yes and he knew I went for my first day too. I was jumping with joy. My crush on him grew bigger and bigger.
On the 27th January 2006, we had a date in parade for lunch. I was suppose to treat him. I went with Ivy to parade, and she saw met her friend, Wai Bin, who was a close friend with Wei Bin. Wai Bin kept calling me to go up, but I dare not. Then I send Wei Bin a message saying that I will meet him at Marrybrown. He came down with two friends. His face was all red. Deep down in my heart I felt like screaming. ‘Oh my God! He’s actually here.!’ I blushed when I saw him. He called me the moment he sat down, but I only smile at him. I felt full of humiliation. He was all red till the ears. We all sat down like fools not daring to look at each other. There was one girl who came up close to him, and she looked at me, I was wondering was that his girlfriend? Then, he excuse to the toilet. Moments, he messages me saying that he was vomiting and wasn’t feeling well. I felt a little heartache that he was not feeling well, I kept asking if he is alright.
Every time I went tuition, I would glance at him and he would give me a very cute smile. And just that smile could brighten up my day. I knew that I could only love him silently in my heart. One day, he did not reply me, he did not on his phone, but I still saw him at tuition and we smiled. But as time passes by, he slowly stop smiling at me. Sometime’s he would just look blankly at me. I felt the disappointment twirling inside me. Sometime’s I tried calling him, but it was not on. I thought I would just eventually forget about him one day.
I had several boyfriends and it was until one day he talked back me, it was my birthday where he message me and greeted me happy birthday. I was happy because he remembered. Then one day, after our Chinese tuition, he sent me a message saying that I was thin already. I was shocked and we started chatting again. It was then I felt a huge crush on him again. In our conversation, he told me that he did not want his sister to play around with guys. He told me to find a nice guy and settle down. So I told him that he was a nice guy. We had jokes and nice chat’s. I kept asking myself over and over again.
One day, I sent him a message asking him to pretend to be my boyfriend. I thought over it a long time before I decided to send. Would he find out that I actually had a crush on him? Days after days, one day he asked me if I was serious. I was stunned. I pretended to not know what he was saying, but then he told me that he knew that I loved him. I braced myself and told him that I had a crush on him. From that moment onwards, life had changed. He started asking me question. My heart sank when he told me that it was hard to believe that I seriously had a crush on him because the way I change boyfriend scares him.
It was as if God answered my prayer, we started dating. He called me darling and all the sweet names. Coffee tasted sweeter than usual. Days seems to pass by faster. Everything seems so perfect. Until when I had a feeling that his sister did not like me. Why was that? Sometime’s I told him. But he told me not to worry because he would put me before everything. We went out for dates. Hand in hand together. We were a perfect couple. We never fought over silly stuff. He always told me that he will love me forever, and be there for me forever. I cried when I heard the news that he was picked to go to national service. I was going to New Zealand for three weeks and I knew I would miss him. A very unfortunate event happen two month later, a disaster came into my life.

20th jan 2007

Woke up at 12.15 today. Well, it was more like, my maid woke me up. And my brother is using my mom’s laptop and I thought I could use stremyxz thru my sis’s laptop. But no… DAMN it!~!~!~! The stupid network... eh! No! It should be stupid DSL…making me not able to connect to the internet. Sucks so much and I am using my sister’s laptop with SoOoooOoOoOoO many mistakes. Because I am not use to this laptop. It’s a lil hard though. The keyboard is not sensitive. Especially the shift and some letters. So I’m always missing them. Well, it is going to be mine. So I have to get use to it. But wat is pissing me off is. If it’s reli mine. Why can’t I put my stuff inside? But no. she doesn’t let. She say wait till she buy’s a new one. Ok.. when??
uGh…I’m DAMN tired.. Tonight I am having a dinner with a few of my friends. Well, friends?? If you could call ppl who betray you and backstab you, call you a cheap girl, say you still ppl’s boyfriend and friends. Friend or foe? or fiend?
Sometime’s I feel this world is so full of untrustworthy people. Those who are good in heart are less than a quarter. I met one great guy who thought me things. My brother, Chris, not Matthew. Well, Matthew is small and he wouldn’t know rite? Chris is, ermm.. haha… let’s say the best I have met. He made me laugh till my stomach hurts. Let me tell you what happen.
I was telling Chris about my parent’s driving car. The way the drive wasn’t as smooth as Chris. They were a little jerky and… I don’t know how to explain. Then all sudden Chris was like ‘Is it the Mr. Bean style?’ I was like ‘huh?how?’ then he sat up straight. Two hands on top of the steering wheel and his head moving left and right, It looked so much like my parent’s !! really!!! I laughed my head off. It was soSoooooOOooOoOooOoOOOooOOooOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo funny.. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha..
I never seen someone imitate like them so closely. Now I know how stupid they actually look comparing to Chris. I am quite impress by him, because they are many things he knows and he could play along with. He doesn’t treat me like a small little girl, being with him is as if I am protected. It was a feeling of family love he could gave me. People may misunderstand that we are going out. Yes, we are going out as family, brother and sister, but not as dating couple’s. even when I am with ah hou, I do not get a feeling like this. Why is this? Chris is 11 years older than me. It was hard to believe. But yes! I have a older brother who is 11years older than me and I am very happy.
I am greatful that he love’s me too.
=]….
Because nobody could ever give me a love of family and love the way he could give me.

and yesterday, i went to skul as usual, then we went to parade after that, on the way bek..
we were going out to the car park.. and when i step out this glass door..
this lady hit the glass door....
hahahahahahaha...
i laugh till my stomach hurt so much.. till today it still hurt wvwn when i smile..
haha..
reli........ her expression reminds me of my mom...i held my breath bcz i knew it would b rude to laugh in front of her..
when we turn in the corner..i bursted in laughters of tears..
i laugh all the way, and Chris said things which made me laugh more..
haha...
i couldn't stop laughing..
and i could tell you..
never ever...
NeVeR eVeR in my life i have laughed that much....
sErIoUsLy....it was DAMN funny....haha...

20th jan 2007

today, went to skul to teach choir.. sometime's it feels a lil akward where everybody is wearing skul uni..haha..it's do UGLY...
i'm so lucky i dun hv to wear it anymore..
it loOkS sO uGLy..sEriOUsLy...
hAhA...
before going to skul, chris picked me up for lunch. told my dad i had to go early..
left the clinic bout 11.45 and chris picked me up in his solid white toyota [ see?i knew his car name..haha...]
i LoVe tHe wAy hE dRiVeS......LOVE....<3....
it's so smooth...i LoVE hiS cHaiR...wait..listen b4 u jump into conclusion..haha...bcz it's low and comfortable...
my parent's car are lether and high and i have to sit up straight..
u know how i hate it..
uGh...

cHriS brought me to ''mixes cruisine''..
and OMG!!!!!karen was actually working there....uGh..and she was standing at the door...my god...those looks in her eyes just maks me wanna slap her..
and that friend of her's..
prob the next min she turn's around she start's backstabbing me and saying chris is my bf..
for sure..
all the time i was sitting there..
there were looking at me...those expression...uGh...they were doing a disgust look!it's so obvious they were talking about me..

haiz...karen...heRh....nvr forget wat she did to me...after trying to grab my bf..
and her own frenz..
and showing the pity look..
uGh..thinking she's somekind of pretty girl or so..
i wouldn't dare say that cz i'm not pretty myself..
i'm not suprise if she even said i was a slut..
i mean...haiz...ppl sed that bout me b4...
so..
wha't dif does it make??
i do hope ppl in kl are beta..i mean in LKW....

i've receive the letter..

i've received the offer letter...
i'm damn happy...
haha....
i've been thinking and wondering to go into LKW for like for the past 3 years!!!!
i love that place..
i know some ppl say..'' rich ppl ma..sure can la..''
but u know???it doesn't turn out what everybody thinks it is...
i have to go thru all the nagging's..
my dad is running out of business..
my mom is retiring..
and..
haiz..
LKW is not cheap..
i know...i do hope that i will study will all my interest and be a interesting girl..
doing the rite things which i love..
haha...rite???

my mom is reli pissing me off..
haiz..
what is there to do??
i'm so glad that i'm leaving soon..
in two weeks time....

the call

today, i called limkokwing uni...
and i asked whether a was accepted..
i was thrilled when i was told i was accepted..
i so wanted to jump and dance around in circles..

it was great news..
i told carol..
and my frenz..
they all congratulate me..
and gave me a smile..
because they knew how i longed to get in it..

i got a lil slight pissed of at this guy..
who just came up and say..
'' as long as you have money, limkokwing sure accept you.''
it was the worst phrase i've heard..
but..

i just ignore that remark..