the beginning

Sometime’s I wonder if there was anything be wrong with me. Why do I longed for attention from people? Why do I love people going after me? Why do I love the attention? I’ve got so many people going after me. Isn’t it enough? As I sit here, I wonder, who treats me the best? What have I done? The more I think, the more I realize the mistakes I have done. What is this love everybody is talking about? How would you know that you actually are in a puppy love relationship but you think that it is true love? Once again I have been dumped, by the one whom I loved. ‘Love’ could be a word to say to friends, family, girlfriends and boyfriends. It could easily misunderstood by people. Everybody has feelings against everybody, which makes things even complicated. Every girl wants to be perfect. The popular girl in school where everybody admires and goes after. Who wants to be the nerds and the geeks where people do not mix with them? Where people laugh at them?
I never really knew what love was. But I knew I had a crush on this guy name Wei Bin. It was as I saw him somewhere in my fantasy-dream land before. He was walking down the stairs. Normally, I do not intend to look at the guys who walks down, but I just stand there hoping people would notice me. And it does, because guys intend to walk up to me and ask for my number. That day, I just glance up and I saw a very cute guy. I saw his name-tag written on ‘Fong Wei Bin’. I quickly asked my friend to find out who that is. But nobody wanted to tell me, because they knew I wanted him. Days passed by and nights drifted by, I only had a small crush on him. But who knew this small crush would grow into a big crush and made me realize so many things.
One day, I was at home as usual when my phone message rang, I picked it up as usual and read it. It was blank! Soon, it has miss calls from this mysteries number. So I send him a message asking who it was. After several minutes, I had a reply. ‘ I am Fong Wei Bin.’ I was thrilled. Could it be him? I kept asking myself over and over again. And I asked him how he got my number. It was a common question that I would ask every guy, but he replied saying that it was a secret. Deep down in my heart I was jumping with joy. We started to have a normal conversation introducing ourselves. I remember asking him when his birthday was he told me it was 16th September. I was a little shock, because my birthday was on the 14th September. It was a coincidence isn’t? The more we chatted, the more I had for him. Until one day he started calling me his big sister. It was more than enough to have a crush on a guy who is willingly being my small brother.
I started my Chinese lesson as this language wasn’t good and I needed improvement. As I stepped into the class, the numbers of guys were more than the girls. I quietly sat at the corner of the first row. As the teacher called out our names one by one to answer some question, I heard his name. Could it be him? So then I went home and send him a message asking if he was at the same Chinese tuition I was going. He replied saying yes and he knew I went for my first day too. I was jumping with joy. My crush on him grew bigger and bigger.
On the 27th January 2006, we had a date in parade for lunch. I was suppose to treat him. I went with Ivy to parade, and she saw met her friend, Wai Bin, who was a close friend with Wei Bin. Wai Bin kept calling me to go up, but I dare not. Then I send Wei Bin a message saying that I will meet him at Marrybrown. He came down with two friends. His face was all red. Deep down in my heart I felt like screaming. ‘Oh my God! He’s actually here.!’ I blushed when I saw him. He called me the moment he sat down, but I only smile at him. I felt full of humiliation. He was all red till the ears. We all sat down like fools not daring to look at each other. There was one girl who came up close to him, and she looked at me, I was wondering was that his girlfriend? Then, he excuse to the toilet. Moments, he messages me saying that he was vomiting and wasn’t feeling well. I felt a little heartache that he was not feeling well, I kept asking if he is alright.
Every time I went tuition, I would glance at him and he would give me a very cute smile. And just that smile could brighten up my day. I knew that I could only love him silently in my heart. One day, he did not reply me, he did not on his phone, but I still saw him at tuition and we smiled. But as time passes by, he slowly stop smiling at me. Sometime’s he would just look blankly at me. I felt the disappointment twirling inside me. Sometime’s I tried calling him, but it was not on. I thought I would just eventually forget about him one day.
I had several boyfriends and it was until one day he talked back me, it was my birthday where he message me and greeted me happy birthday. I was happy because he remembered. Then one day, after our Chinese tuition, he sent me a message saying that I was thin already. I was shocked and we started chatting again. It was then I felt a huge crush on him again. In our conversation, he told me that he did not want his sister to play around with guys. He told me to find a nice guy and settle down. So I told him that he was a nice guy. We had jokes and nice chat’s. I kept asking myself over and over again.
One day, I sent him a message asking him to pretend to be my boyfriend. I thought over it a long time before I decided to send. Would he find out that I actually had a crush on him? Days after days, one day he asked me if I was serious. I was stunned. I pretended to not know what he was saying, but then he told me that he knew that I loved him. I braced myself and told him that I had a crush on him. From that moment onwards, life had changed. He started asking me question. My heart sank when he told me that it was hard to believe that I seriously had a crush on him because the way I change boyfriend scares him.
It was as if God answered my prayer, we started dating. He called me darling and all the sweet names. Coffee tasted sweeter than usual. Days seems to pass by faster. Everything seems so perfect. Until when I had a feeling that his sister did not like me. Why was that? Sometime’s I told him. But he told me not to worry because he would put me before everything. We went out for dates. Hand in hand together. We were a perfect couple. We never fought over silly stuff. He always told me that he will love me forever, and be there for me forever. I cried when I heard the news that he was picked to go to national service. I was going to New Zealand for three weeks and I knew I would miss him. A very unfortunate event happen two month later, a disaster came into my life.