what is music to me?

Today, I went to 1u. I often do that most Tuesday, cz it’s the only tim I can spend with sayang.

On fri and sat are not sure. We din go out last week nor we are going this week. And since sayang’s friend, Simon was fetching us there. So, it was no problem.

We watched ‘secret’, Jay Chow. Omg.. I just love the way his songs are compose and produced and arranged. Lovely. Isn’t it sayang? =]

All along it was him who kept me with my spirit in music.

Talking about music.
*sigh*, and to think I had try giving up on it because when I met sayang, I realized that so many other people are just better than me.
So, why waste time? and my effort thinking that I am good in music?
Would somebody here tell me something? Should I drop it? Give it up? Well, since my parents isn’t a supporter here to the music no matter it is front stage nor back stage. So what’s the point to go against them? Wait a minute! This is my life! So why should anyone care what I do? I know, I know, I know. They love me and care me, but…*sigh*. So, I should put it this way, no one should control me! I mean, they have their own life to control. Right? Why me? *sigh* but what’s the point of saying it? Dunwan some other’s to think that I am repeating the same thing over and over again.

I dun normally go to an emo situation like this. But, why am I like this? Because I have failed and do not know what the hell is comin on in the future? I am not talking about me and sayang. I am talking about literally every single second in my life. How I have to confront my parents to let me go?

You know what is the thing that hurts the most?

Is that the deepest secret is kept from you. That’s not the worst. The worst is .. the worst is you know it! You know that deepest darkest secret and they don’t know that you know it! They don’t know you know it. And you are just waiting for them to tell you.

It just hurts that you want to cry but you can’t. you want to talk about it but you don’t even know what to talk about. Or whatever you say sound the same, you seem to be using the same words over and over again.

You try to think straight but you just don’t seem to have the strength the and spirit too. You’re tired of pretending. And every slight thing has effect you.